Repost - WWF Wrestlemania 13

The Furious Flashbacks – Wrestlemania 13

Or Wrestlemania the 13th as the Undertaker called it. Taker was attempting to capture the WWF title from champ Sycho Sid. The other big draw on the card was the match that I personally watched the show for – Bret Hart against Steve Austin although I was disapointed that Bret hadn’t gotten a title shot. Nevertheless it would be an important night for both Austin and Bret. What happened? Stay tuned.

This PPV will be graded according to the Furious Grading Scale. FGS grades are as follows -

A One of the greatest matches anywhere, ever.
A- Damn near perfect
B+ Excellent
B Very Good
B- Good
C+ Average
C Mediocre
C- Bad
D Terrible
F Hulk Hogan
U or Ungraded = Hacksaw Jim Duggan v Ultimate Warrior v Goldberg in a submissions only Ironman match. My worst nightmare.

Welcome to the showcase of the immortals this year from Chicago, Illinois. We get a video package “a tempest engulfs Utopia”. Tonight none of these men are smiling. This is possibly the most pissed off Wrestlemania of all time. Vince McMahon is on commentary with Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.

Tag team elimination match – Godwinns w/Hillbilly Jim v Headbangers v New Blackjacks v Doug Furnas/Phil LaFon

Hank Godwinn and Bradshaw start out with a big ass clothesline…from Hank. Thrasher tags in and catches a Bradshaw boot to the face. Bradshaw hits a pumphandle slam and tags in Phinneas. Back drop on Thrasher and Phinneas tags in Mosh. A little moshing action and in comes Phil LaFon. Flapjack from the Bangers. Snap suplex from LaFon so Mosh tags Bradshaw back in and LaFon hits a Japanese suplex. Furnas tags in and wakes the crowd up with a hurracurana on Bradshaw. Windham tags in with power on Furnas. Furnas dropkicks Bradshaw out to the floor and Windham hits a sloppy suplex over the ropes on Furnas and the ref lays the count on them. Bradshaw shoves the referee over and it seems both teams have been counted out. Jesus who booked this crap? Hank slams Phinneas onto Thrasher in the ring for a 2 count. Phinneas with a vertical suplex on Thrasher. Hank tags in and I can’t help but think the WWF was a little remiss in booting the only team that managed to pop the crowd (Furnas and LaFon). Thrasher and Phinneas exchange spit (not by kissing, urgh). Mosh hits the Jericho jump from the second rope to the floor and then throws Thrasher onto Hank on the floor in a rocket launcher type move. Thrasher misses a moonsault on Hank. Thrasher hits some sort of top rope chest splash on Phinneas and amazingly enough wins with it at 10.41. Match rating – D. Just appalling action.

Honky Tonk Man comes out for some reason (possibly because the WWF thought he was over – a mistake).

WWF IC title - Rocky Maivia (c) v The Sultan w/Bob Backlund/Iron Shiek

The Rock is green and only made his debut 4 months earlier and is already IC champ. Sultan’s fireworks pre-match are the most feeble I’ve ever seen. Rock hits a drop kick in the early going when that was a part of his offence. Rocky clotheslines the ring post by mistake while Honky Tonk Man screams at him for the rookie error. Sultan goes to a nerve hold. Zzz. Big nasty looking backbreaker on Rock. Head butt from the top from Sultan. Belly to belly slam from Sultan. Honky says that the match should have been over 5 minutes ago at 5.01. That’s impossible Honky. Sultan goes to the sleeper but Rock fights out and we have a double clothesline and the count is on. Rock actually starts a no sell defence and hits a Rocky Johnson like drop kick. Rock with a belly to belly slam which gets a 2 count. Rock floats over into a DDT and Rock climbs the turnbuckles with a top rope crossbody. Shiek distracts the ref or it was 3. Sultan pops back up with a superkick. Sultan spikes Rock with a piledriver but Rock kicks out. Rock rolls Sultan up and pins at 9.49. Match rating – C-. Bad, bad showing from Rock. He looked very green and wrestling Rikishi didn’t help. Sultan, Shiek and Backlund give Rock a good shoeing after the match so Rocky Johnson comes in and we have some action a little past it’s sell by date.

Triple H v Goldust

Trips has Chyna is his corner and Goldie has Marlena in his corner. Trips has what I like to call his “Die Hard music”. Goldie starts out fast and just mauls Trips in the early going. Trips gets tied up in the ropes and Goldie punches him in the face a few times. Goldie smacks Trips head off the ringpost and clotheslines him back into the ring. Trips comes back with a facebuster but Goldie catches the follow up off the ropes with a powerslam. Trips catches Goldie climbing the buckles and goes for a superplex which is countered so Trips pushes Goldie off and his head zings off the apron. Trips hits a top rope fist (which actually looks good) and scores a two count. Trips exposes the chest of Goldust and chops at it before stomping him again and again in the corner. Trips with a swinging neckbreaker and a 2 count. Trips goes to the abdominal stretch to wear Goldust down which of course he cheats on by using the ropes. Goldust hip tosses Trips out but Trips hits a high knee for a 2 count. Trips with a suplex on Goldust. Goldust fights back but Trips hits a DDT. Goldie gets a backslide for a 2 count and then a small package for another. Both men are tired and they take advantage of a collision to rest. Trips comes off the top rope and Goldie hits a thump with his ass. Goldie moves out of the way as Trips charges him in the corner and Trips hits the buckle. Goldie with a bulldog for a 2 count. Goldust goes for the curtain call but Trips floats over and sets up the pedigree. Goldie drops out and slingshots Trips. He goes for the curtain call again but is distracted by Chyna advancing on Marlena. He puts Marlena up onto the apron but Trips nails Goldust in the back and Chyna catches Marlena and throws her around like a freaking rag doll. Trips hits the pedigree and it’s over at 14.07. B-. Not as good as their match at the Rumble the same year but reasonable.

WWF tag titles – British Bulldog/Owen Hart v Vader/Mankind

This was right after Owen pushed a waiter into Vader at the Slammys. Owen was comedy. Vader starts off hard and heavy pummelling Owen in the corner. Owen comes back fast with a spinning heel kick to take over Vader. Owen goes for a hurracurana and Vader hits the powerbomb and has it won but doesn’t cover because he’s going for the Vaderbomb. Bulldog breaks it up and Mankind comes in. Bulldog shows his incredible power with a double clothesline on Mankind and Vader. Bulldog with a vertical suplex on Mankind and Vader runs in so Bulldog suplexes him too. Mankind goes after Bulldog with the urn but Bulldog hits a drop toe hold onto the urn. Vader goes after the urn though and blindsides Bulldog. Vader with a Bret like snap suplex on Bulldog. Vader follows up with an avalanche. Vader splashes Bulldog off the second rope but Bulldog kicks out. Mankind tags in. Mankind with a guillotine leg drop. Back drop from Mankind. Mankind and Vader have isolated Bulldog. Bulldog comes back with a slam off the ropes as Vader tries for another splash. Owen tags in with a missile drop kick. Owen goes for a sunset flip but Vader sits down and misses. Owen with a crossbody from the top for a 2 count but when he gets up Vader levels him. Vader does a Hogan ‘listening’ taunt and tags out to Mankind. Vader sets up Owen over his knee on the floor and Mankind comes off the apron with an elbow. Owen reverses a Mankind neckbreaker straight into a DDT. Wonderful stuff. Owen with a spinning heel kick which gets him a 2 count. Vader comes in and Owen hits him with a heel kick though. Vader tags Mankind back in and Owen is getting a bit isolated. Owen hits a belly to belly on Mankind on the floor. Helen and Stu Hart are at ringside. Back inside Owen hits the inziguri on Mankind. Bulldog gets the tag and cleans house.Vader has lost his mask. Mankind takes the ringpost in the head. Bulldog goes for the running powerslam but Mankind puts on the mandible claw. They both spill out through the ropes and it looks like they landed on their heads but Mankind still has the mandible claw on and everyone is counted out at 15.53. Match rating – B-. Pretty good.

Submissions match - Bret Hart v Steve Austin (special referee – Ken Shamrock)

This is the match where Austin has his “AUSTIN 3:16” glass smash in the entranceway. Austin is over before the match starts despite being a heel. Austin double legs Bret before the bell. The brawl goes straight outside and Bret shoves Austin into the ringpost skull first. Austin crotches Bret on the guard rail and Austin clotheslines Bret into the Hall of Famer’s at ringside. That gets a “Fugettaboutit” from Vince. They fight through the crowd and Shamrock follows to keep the fans at bay. Austin gets backdropped out in the fans and on some steps. They get back into ringside and Bret comes off the guard rail. Austin whips Bret into the ring steps to a huge pop. Austin comes off the apron with a right hand and the crowd is going nuts. Austin picks up the ring steps and Bret kicks him in the guts. Bret wails on Austin so Austin pulls him into the ringpost. They finally get back into the ring and Austin stamps on Bret’s fingers. Bret nails a swinging neckbreaker. Classic Bret. Elbow off the second rope. Vince is really running down Bret on commentary but JR sticks up for Bret. Bret goes to work on the injured knee of Austin. Austin gets out of the way of a Bret attack on the leg and hits the stunner but he can’t pin him it’s a submission match. Bret goes straight after the knee again and Austin is selling it well. Bret puts on the figure 4 around the ringpost. Cool. That was the first time he used it. Bret grabs the ring bell and a chair. Bret puts it on Austin’s ankle (Austin broke Pillman’s ankle that way) and the crowd goes nuts. Bret takes too long on the ropes and Austin nails Bret with the chair. Cool spot. Austin hits a suplex and a second rope elbow. Austin hits a kick into the groin. Austin with a russian legsweep (he’s stealing all Bret’s moves) but he follows through into an Octopus stretch. Nice. Austin puts Bret in a Boston crab to a big pop. Austin goes for the sharpshooter. Psychology rules. Bret of course gets out of it. They spill outside and Austin gets reversed on the Irish whip and goes through the timekeepers table and into the guard rail head first. Austin is busted. I didn’t see a blade job. Bret introduces Austin to the ringpost. Austin is bleeding all over the ring and the crowd goes nuts for the blood. Bret mounts him with punches to the busted head. Backbreaker from Bret. Elbow from the second rope and Bret gets the chair. Chair to the injured knee. Bret goes for the sharpshooter but Austin rakes the eyes. Austin hits a blatant low blow to stop getting a beating and Vince runs down Bret again. Austin is back up. Bret takes a chest first turnbuckle. Austin stomping a mudhole and walking it dry. Finger from Austin and this is so over. Superplex from Austin. Austin comes outside and gets a length of electrical cord. Austin chokes Bret but Bret grabs the ring bell and dings Austin with it. Awesome. Sharpshooter is on! We get the now famous close up of Austin bleeding while trying to power out. Austin manages to break the hold but Bret slaps it straight back on and Austin is out from the pain. Match over at 22.05. Match rating – A but its not over yet. Bret is getting popped for the win so he attacks Austin after the match. Bret gets booed and Shamrock takes him down. Bret backs off from the fight with Shamrock and the crowd boos some more. Austin struggles to his feet and stunners a ref who came down to help him. Huge round of applause for Austin and he was on his way to being the most over guy in history.

Bret gets a little upset with a fan on the way out and stops to tell him “fuck you” while giving him the finger. Bret was so set up for his heel turn the next night and it put Austin over as well. Awesome stuff.

Ahmed Johnson/Legion of Doom v Nation of Domination (Faarooq/Crush/Savio Vega)

This is a street fight and everything goes. D’Lo and the nation’s rappers (PG-13) and Clarence Mason get their asses kicked by the LOD. Faarooq takes a night stick to Animal. Ahmed sommersaults over the guard rail and wipes out Crush. Animal is trash canning everything in sight. Animal makes an absolute mess of a piledriver on the announce table. A fire extinguisher goes off at Faarooq and there is a cloud of gas at ringside. The cameras are struggling to follow the action in this one. Ahmed powerslams Faarooq through the French announce table. Monitors come raining down onto Faarooq. Savio brings in a length of rope and chokes Ahmed. D’Lo grabs the rope and chokes Ahmed over the ropes. Animal waffles Faarooq with a sign from the parking garage. Faarooq tries to hang Hawk but Hawk pulls him off the top rope. Doomsday Device on Crush. 2x4 clothesline on Crush and he’s pinned at 10.49. Match rating – B-. Decent hardcore style brawl. In a cool spot after the match Hawk hits a double Doomsday Device on PG-13.

WWF title – Sid (c) v Undertaker

Shawn Michaels comes out to commentate on the title match. Michaels always made an excellent commentator. Bret Hart comes out at the start and runs down all the participants – he calls Michaels a faker, Sid a fraud and claims his friendship with Taker is over. Sid gets pissed off and powerbombs Bret. Taker starts out fast with a load of right hands and a scoop slam for a 2 count. Top rope walk of doom from Taker. Taker goes for a stinger splash but Sid slaps on a bearhug. Yep, Sid puts on a rest hold after less than 2 minutes. 2 minutes later and the bearhug is broken. Yep, more bearhug than match thus far. Taker gets thrown into the Spanish announce table and Michaels says “I never want to sit at that table”. He’s the only reason to watch this match. Taker slams Sid onto the Spanish announce table and according to JR we’re on the set of “Twister”. Whatever. “So far tonight the loser has been the tables of the World Wrestling Federation” – Michaels. Sid goes to a camel clutch because he’s run out of ideas again. Taker rallies back but Sid hits a powerslam for a 2 count. After a little action on the floor Sid goes to the reverse chinlock. Man, Sid really has broken out the restholds tonight. Taker fires back and hits a powerslam. Nerve hold from Taker. Sid fights out and we have a double big boot. Sid mounts the buckles and hits a double axe handle and a second one but misses a third. Sid goes to the ropes again and gets caught again. Taker throws Sid to the canvas. Taker with his top rope clothesline. Sid squirms out of a tombstone and reverses for a tombstone of his own which Taker kicks out of. Bret does a run in and smacks a steel chair off Sid’s back. Shawn complains about Bret wanting the spotlight. “That’s a pot calling the kettle black” – King. Back inside Taker hits a chokeslam which Sid kicks out of the pin of. Taker, bizarrely, misses his flying clothesline. Sid goes for the powerbomb and Bret is out again so Sid nails him. Tombstone. This is over at 21.19. Match rating – C. Really mediocre. Lots of rest holds and needed Michaels and Bret Hart in some capacity to make it remotely interesting.

Best matches –
3. Triple H v Goldust. Their second match at major PPV’s and it’s not as good as the first but it’s still pretty reasonable and the Chyna dimension is explored as part of the match.
2. Bulldog/Owen v Vader/Mankind. Decent tag title match which might have reached classic preportions had it been allowed some sort of finish.
1. Bret Hart v Steve Austin. Just an awesome display of wrestling, brawling and psychology. Also the match that made Bret a heel and more importantly perhaps made Austin the biggest face since Hogan.

Overall PPV rating –
C+. An awesome Bret-Austin match was the only exceptional highlight as the other 2 of the top 3 were either riddled with interference or a non-finish. The first 2 matches are unforgivebly poor and half of the guys involved shouldn’t have been on PPV. The trash can brawl worked well as a sandwich between the submissions match and the main event but the main event was appalling. 20 minutes of rest holds.