Repost - Furious Zone #49

I called Shawn Michaels washed up in 2002. I am an idiot. There are a lot of other interesting points though.

The Furious Zone #49 – “I ain’t got time to bleed”

Welcome one and all to the dwelling of delirium and my methods of madness. It seems that despite my ranting about Hogan last week the whole nWo storyline is in full gear. I don’t think anyone out there knows how annoying that is. Firstly the New World Order abbreviation of NOW changes automatically on Microsoft’s beloved Word program. I’ve left the one in this sentence to demonstrate. So everytime I type nWo out I get “now”. Bastards all of ‘em.

Vince’s New World Order storyline – Pro’s and Con’s.

As you can see I have actually given the New World Order I great deal of thought. I’ve desperately looked beyond my initial hatred of Hogan, Nash and Hall to get into the nitty gritty. The pro’s and the cons. Does the money outweigh the sacrifice. I sure hope it does for Vince and the WWF’s sake but lets look at it from my perspective. Firstly the positive side –

New World Order – Pro’s.

· Everyone is talking about it. The last time something got this much attention on the internet we had a badly booked invasion. But the anticipation of the invasion was cool. We’re getting the same thing here. Will the WWF book this angle all to crap as well? Only time will tell but at least people care about it which is more than can be said for everything since Wrestlemania X7.
· The New World Order caused chaos and unpredictability when it was first introduced to the stale WCW program under the guidance of Eric Bischoff. Because of the nature of the New World Order you never know who might be involved and for what reason. Because of this I’ll be looking later in this very column at possible members before the faction has taken off. That’s what the New World Order does. Gets people talking and creates interest and will be surprising.
· Vince + Hogan = heel heat. Who do you hate more than these two egomaniacs? Think about it.
· Hulk Hogan is and will always be a draw. People will watch if Hogan is in the WWF.
· Hogan has never feuded with any number of current WWF superstars like Steve Austin, The Rock, Kurt Angle and Triple H. The potential for something interesting is there.
· Hogan, Nash and Hall are bad guys. No one likes them. They may be the first smart heels. In other words – the fans (whether on the internet or not) will loathe these guys. When Triple H was the WWF’s number one heel the fans on the net loved him. During the invasion angle Austin was praised highly on the internet. These three have no chance of any praise. From anyone. They are perfect heels in that respect.

New World Order – Con’s

· Hogan hasn’t been worth shit in years and cannot work a decent program with anyone because a) his ego gets in the way and b) when it comes to the match the angle will flop (see Warrior, Ultimate crossreferenced with WCW, shithole)
· If Vince lets these 3 have any power (which in a way he has already with the massive build up) then he’s asking for trouble.
· Vince McMahon is recycling the very storyline which buried WCW in the first place. The NWO ruined WCW because they never knew when to let it die.
· Why in the blue hell should we believe Vince wants to destroy the very company which is still making him millions every year it’s in operation. Why would he want to throw that money away by destroying his own company? I think the “Vince McMahon” we see on screen should be committed to a mental institution for that kind of decision.
· This whole move is a potential locker room disaster. It will damage moral. If Hogan and Nash get dumped straight into main events what does that say for guys like Edge who’ve worked for years to be on the fringe of greatness? How has he been rewarded? The locker room will not be happy with this move. Maybe even more so than when Vince threw his money into the doomed XFL.
· Wrestling will suffer. Mark my words.

So look at it like this – I can see why everyone is so excited about the New World Order. It’s exciting and new (to the WWF) and with it anything can and may happen. The NWO may well bring in guys like Jeff Jarrett, Shawn Michaels, Scott Steiner or if you want some long shots – Roddy Piper, Randy Savage or Goldberg. But if it gets overbooked then the NWO will become just another heel stable like the Alliance, like the Corporate Ministry, like the Million Dollar Man’s corporation, like the Heenan Family. Everyone in it will not benefit from joining and will ultimately get lost in the mix just like the Alliance angle. Only guys who are already over get over. Wrestling will suffer. Matches will be interupted. Don’t expect any match at No Way Out to go down anywhere near clean. These will be dark days. But at least they’ll be entertaining? Right?

Possible NWOites.

The Undertaker

The WWF is giving Taker no respect. Taker is like Sting was in WCW. He’s the dark one. The guy who doesn’t take any crap from guys from the outside. But if he were to join the NWO he would do his heel push a power of good. If he didn’t join he would have to oppose and that would turn him back face again. Boring. Taker needs this to push him over the edge as a heel. It would work. It would be quite shocking too. Chances of it happening – good.

Chris Jericho

Undisputed champion and yet a joke in the eyes of the WWF fans. Only problem with him joining with the New World Order is that he would be lost in the shuffle. Jericho has been exceptionally weak as a champion and nearly lost to Maven last week. He needs to stand out. Unless he was the leader of this faction I hope to God he doesn’t join it. Chances of it happening – average.

The Rock

Yes, the ultimate heel turn. I doubt it would happen because Rock is such good box office as a face but he was hated as a heel. If you look back to 1998 and early 1999 the Rock was the best heel in the company. Every since then he’s been a babyface. A heel turn would certainly freshen up the character and the NWO is the only way the turn would take. The only problem is he would probably turn the whole of the NWO face just by joining. Chances of it happening – slim but it would be cool.

Shawn Michaels

Shawn has been off TV for far too long and his appearance a few weeks ago at the Royal Rumble leads me to believe that he’s close to a return to TV. Shawn was always awesome as a heel and it wouldn’t take much to put Michaels in with the other has-beens. Sorry Shawn but you are washed up. Chances of it happening – based on prior WCW booking it’s a certainty. Based on WWF booking – depends how much crack they’ve had.

Jeff Jarrett

If Vince can iron out his differences with Hogan then Jarrett needs to be signed. He’s a far better worker than the guys that have already been signed and he fits in with the whole NWO. After all he was a part of it’s final incarnation. Chances of it happening – one would hope they were good.

Goldberg

If Vince can hire 3 lazy, over paid, undertalented egomaniacs I’m sure he has room for a 4th. Problem is Goldberg has guaranteed millions without setting foot in the ring ever again and Triple H hates him. Plus the guy is the biggest mark for himself in the history of professional wrestling. Chances of it happening – zero.

X-Pac

Look another guy who everyone hates plus he has all sorts of links with the other guys in the angle. He should be a shoe in to get the role. Chances of it happening – if logic were applied he’s there.

Bret Hart

If you can bring back Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair you have to bring back Bret Hart. Bret is the greatest worker the WWF have ever had. The only problem is that he has enormous, off the scale, personal heat with Vince McMahon. Bret is the only guy you can guarantee will not be back as a part of this. Shit. Chances of it happening – snowballs chance in hell.

I know I promised to have a play with those tools at Power Of Wrestling magazine but I don’t have the room or the time to talk about Bill Apter. Sorry. So without further ado it’s onto the almighty Respect-O-Meter. I know what you’re thinking – “What the hell is a respect-o-meter?”. Well clearly you didn’t read the Furious Zone #48 where the almighty Respect-O-Meter made it’s glorious debut. The idea is if you place on the almighty Respect-O-Meter then you have earned my respect. It may have been through some random act of kindliness or something particularly brutal. It just doesn’t matter to me.

The Almighty Furious Respect-O-Meter for February 2nd 2002.

1. Bret Jones. I told you last time that he is your champion and once again he has prevailed. Bret Jones, your lord and master, spotted that my title quote last time out came from Full Metal Jacket. That quote again – “You climb obstacles like old people fuck”. I love that quote. If you can spot the tenuously wrestling linked movie quote this week you win a bunch of bananas. Or perhaps you merely claim a place on the Respect-O-Meter above your peers. Once again bow before your champion – Bret Jones, ladies and gentlemen.
2. Chris Jericho. How is a man this entertaining allowed to essentially job to Maven? Still he carried Maven to a great match for a total outright rookie. On top of that he had a great match with Tazz on Smackdown. If only he could win a match clean.
3. Ric Flair. I may not like the man’s promos but he sure does know how to make the crowd just erupt on cue. Pretty amazing when you consider a large percentage of the newer fans of the WWF don’t really have an idea what he did for the business. The same large percentage probably never saw him wrestle in Japan, or against Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat or against Randy Savage at Wrestlemania 8. He’s a legend and he never looks out of place controlling 15,000 people with the flick of a wrist.
4. Christopher Nolan. Before anyone says “who?” this is the guy who directed the awesome “Memento” starring former Aussie soap hunk Guy Pearce. Simply put it’s the best film I’ve seen in years. I would highly recommend it to anyone and everyone. Although as a guide if you liked say – The Usual Suspects, this is for you.
5. Jimmie Moreland. If you don’t who Jimmie is – shame on you. Jimmie is the guy who makes this site run like a well oiled machine and the man is responsible for it’s funky look and choice selection of tasty babes in our sister site. Now, I swear if anyone else says I’m gay they’ll be trouble. But Jimmie is included here because he put me in charge of hiring and firing columnists. Which means I can fire myself if I really start to suck. Excellent. I am indeed natures greatest miracle.

So until next column reading folks –

The Rage is Relentless.

Arnold F