Arnold Furious Archive

Repost - Furious Zone #51

2008-05-04T19:19:00.000-07:00

In which I suggest ways to fix the ailing WWF, which includes giving Jerry Lynn & Nova 20 minutes on PPV. Hey, it seemed like a good idea at the time!

The Furious Zone #51 – “Time is the fire in which we all burn”

Welcome to the dwelling of delirium. I’m your party host Arnold F Furious and I’m a drug addict. I’m addicted to trashing Kevin Nash. It’s a serious problem but with all your collective help I may be able to get over it. This column was originally going to be about comparing and contrasting the WWF now and the WWF in previous years. That's where I would point out how long Jericho was mired in mid table obscurity before stepping up to the plate. Thus deserving his world title reign that has been so lambasted. Then I was intending to write about No Way Out but Tony did a much better job than I would have and I really didn’t care about the show anyway so instead, today, I will be doing “the plan”. “The plan” is something that’s been in the making for a long time.

Allow me to explain. The WWF really starting becoming stagnant after the addition of WCW’s talent roster in May of last year. There was too much talent and not enough airtime. To make matters worse large sections of that airtime were taken up with boring, pointless 20-minute promos. What wrestling matches occurred were trimmed down to fit the time limits and only the main events had a chance to go longer than 2 or 3 minutes. Every WWF show was mediocre. Every PPV suffered the same fate. Now in February of 2002 some 9 months later – nothing has changed. There are lots of good things happening with the WWF. Let me run through those –

1. PPV main events and big matches in general are always good (but never great) and there is no match at the top of a card that makes me downright sick with its poorness.
2. The WWF has the slickest production team in wrestling history and they always catch all the action unlike other companies and the WWF of the past. Furthermore their edited together pieces are a joy to behold like that 4 minute History of the WWF piece which was just awesome plus the bit with Bret in got a massive pop.
3. RAW and Smackdown are consistent in the sense the RAW’s main event is good and sometimes Smackdown’s main event is good and there is no other wrestling on the show.
4. The WWF has a strong roster filled with exceptional superstars ranging from Hulk Hogan to Steve Austin to Rob Van Dam to Ric Flair to Shawn Michaels. Everyone (apart from Bret Hart) who’s ever been over anywhere that’s available.
5. Paul Heyman works for the WWF.
6. There is no competition anymore. The WWF is the only game in town.

But there are several very bad points.

1. The McMahon’s are over every show. Even Stephanie (who was fired) was back on TV in less than 2 months. There is never a show that isn’t littered with McMahon’s.
2. The TV shows have become so formulaic you know what to expect on every show. In other words – nothing exciting ever happens. Prime example – announcing the nWo had been signed instead of having a surprise run in. That completely scooped their heat. It removed the shock and left the angle dead in the water. Way to go Vince. It was over in WCW because it was a surprise.
3. The opening 20 minutes of every RAW and Smackdown is guaranteed to be dull as hell. Why? Because it’s always a 20 minute promo and it’s always the same. I don’t mind the odd 20-minute promo but 2 a week sucks when there’s less than 2 hours in a show.
4. Every great wrestler that comes into the WWF has to work the WWF style because that’s the way it is. Why? Why does every single match have to look the same? How about some variety? We’re bored Vince.
5. If things weren’t bad enough in the lack of wrestling front the WWF’s main angle now involves Hogan, Nash and Hall. Great, now all the matches don’t go down clean because of either the McMahon’s or the nWo. I don’t know about everyone else but I like clean finishes.

It’s all very well complaining about the situation but I never seem to offer up a solution do I? Well here it is. This is the plan that will make the WWF worth watching. Ready? Ok, let’s roll.

1. Remove Stephanie McMahon from the booking committee. Her storylines suck. Replace her with Paul Heyman and Johnny Ace. Then you have great storyline and great matches, which are set up properly and have a point and a purpose and a direction.
2. Hire more writers. We’re always hearing about how tired the writers get and what a stressful job it is. Well there are thousands of people all around the world who would love to write for the WWF. I know, I’m one of them. This way you can dump a bunch of different writing styles together and mesh them into one product and then you get (drumroll) variety. Vince McMahon could edit it together himself if he wanted to. After all it’s his company.
3. No more McMahon’s on TV. Stephanie’s irritating screechy voice is a ratings disaster and Shane’s fairy tales are just as bad. Vince is a caricature of his former self and Linda is boring. I except that Vince would probably be needed as a heel leader but his place could be given to someone else in time and the rest of them are just plain annoying. I’m sure they have plenty of other work to do running the company.
4. No more 20 minute promos at the start of every show. If you need to do one then fine – do it. But if it’s just done on every show for the sake of it then it’s a waste of airtime.
5. If you do need 20 minutes of promo time on every show then spread it out among the wrestlers. The WWF has a wealth of talent and only 4 or 5 of them ever get interview time. Rock, Austin, Triple H, Taker, Angle and Jericho because he’s the champion. Rock’s promos have all been identical for the past year so I’m sure no one would miss his departure. Taker’s promos are nothing short of awful. Give that time to Edge, William Regal, Christian, Tazz or any number of WWF stars that can cut promos but never get the chance.
6. How about a tag team division? I know there is always one feud on the go and it’s always over one thing – the WWF tag team titles. Don’t teams feud over anything but this? After all there are 5 singles storylines going into every single PPV. How about a secondary tag feud that has nothing to do with the belts. Not enough teams? Create some. You have a massive talent roster. How about reforming the Impact Players? How about putting Raven with Tommy Dreamer? These are just off the top of my head.
7. How about a cruiserweight division? I love cruiserweights and judging by fan response so does EVERYONE else. Who doesn’t like cruiserweights? If I get one email from a fan saying they hate cruiserweights I’ll be amazed. Cruiserweights put on different and innovative matches but for God’s sake don’t just use the talent you already have – build a division. Here are a few potential signees that would put on a 5 star match on each PPV between them for you – Rey Mysterio Jnr, Juventud Guerrera, Psychosis, Elix Skipper, Super Crazy, Nova, Kid Kash and Jason Jett aka EZ Money. Add those to guys you already have and seem to have forgotten about – Tajiri, Jerry Lynn, Taka Michinoku, Dean Malenko, Kidman and you have a killer and world beating cruiserweight division. All it would take would be a match on RAW, a match on Smackdown and a match on every PPV. They wouldn’t need any build up just send them out and watch them go. It’s something wrestling fans have been yearning for in the WWF since Tiger Mask and the WWF has constantly failed to deliver. Don’t continue to make these same mistakes. On a related note – Nova v Jerry Lynn. Give them 20 minutes on PPV and watch the match of the year.
8. Speaking of longer matches – how about some longer matches for the “wrestlers”? I’m talking about guys like Rob Van Dam, Chris Benoit etc that can go for 30 minutes at the drop of a hat. It worked for Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels. Why not put out awesome shows every single month it might well result in more people paying attention.
9. Surprises. The WWF has been so bad from an entertainment standpoint because of the lack of surprises. The WWF has constantly dropped the ball. Triple H’s comeback, the New World Order, WCW and when it did it right with ECW’s return they screwed it up with No 3 and put the McMahon’s all over it. Wrestling is about two things – the matches and entertainment and nothing entertains like a surprise. Book more surprises because they are the things that get remembered and talked about along with the best matches. Generating interest in the product starts with those two basic traits.
10. If someone is over – push him or her. If someone isn’t over – don’t push him or her. It’s that simple. Listen to the crowd. Rock and Undertaker earned pushes on popularity. Good for them. Tazz has been over since day one in the WWF but they kept coming up with ways to not push him. RVD is the most over guy in the company considering his lack of push. How can he get the second loudest pop of the show wrestling Goldust in a curtain jerker? Because he’s over. Great. Glad we got that straight. Now push him. Also please not that Kevin Nash wasn’t over at all. Thank you.

That’s the plan people and it’s a keeper. Follow it and success can be yours. Don’t build for next week or next month or next year build for now. Have great matches now while you have the chance. If you can do a great match next month too then all the better.

Think I’m wrong. Well that’s your opinion and you’re entitled to voice it. What would you do to improve the current state of the WWF? If you email me and I think you’re talking sense or even if you’re not I’ll make sure it all goes into issue 52 and we can get talking to the world about it. Hell, maybe Vince will listen this time and we’ll get to see all the wonders I promised above. Yeah, right.

Furious Respect-O-Meter for February 20th 2002.

1. Harry G. Harry bags the number one spot by noticing my last title quote was from They Live and was of course uttered by Nada aka Roddy Piper. If you haven’t seen the flick I suggest watching it because it has the longest most pointless fight ever in it.
2. Scott Hall. The man is over in 2 words and IF he is over his personal problems he could prove to be a sterling addition to the WWF roster. Hogan and Nash still suck.
3. Bret Hart. As part of the Furious Flashbacks I watched Royal Rumble 1996 and noticed how well Bret carried the Undertaker for 30 minutes. Amazing stuff really. Oh, if anyone can remember what the last flashback I posted was can they let me know because I don’t know what I’ve posted and what I’ve not posted. Cheers.
4. Kevin Smith. Not only is he a funny, funny man and good director his work on Daredevil is absolutely classic. It’s not funny it’s just brilliant.
5. Mark Morrison aka the Mack. The Mack has yet to press charges over the harrassment and the prank phone calls. What a good sport he is. Round of applause for the Mack the talentless bucket of shit. If anybody wants The Mack’s phone number drop me an email and I’ll send it to you. Snoogans.

The Rage is Relentless.

Arnold F

Repost - Furious Zone #49

2008-05-04T19:10:00.001-07:00

I called Shawn Michaels washed up in 2002. I am an idiot. There are a lot of other interesting points though.

The Furious Zone #49 – “I ain’t got time to bleed”

Welcome one and all to the dwelling of delirium and my methods of madness. It seems that despite my ranting about Hogan last week the whole nWo storyline is in full gear. I don’t think anyone out there knows how annoying that is. Firstly the New World Order abbreviation of NOW changes automatically on Microsoft’s beloved Word program. I’ve left the one in this sentence to demonstrate. So everytime I type nWo out I get “now”. Bastards all of ‘em.

Vince’s New World Order storyline – Pro’s and Con’s.

As you can see I have actually given the New World Order I great deal of thought. I’ve desperately looked beyond my initial hatred of Hogan, Nash and Hall to get into the nitty gritty. The pro’s and the cons. Does the money outweigh the sacrifice. I sure hope it does for Vince and the WWF’s sake but lets look at it from my perspective. Firstly the positive side –

New World Order – Pro’s.

· Everyone is talking about it. The last time something got this much attention on the internet we had a badly booked invasion. But the anticipation of the invasion was cool. We’re getting the same thing here. Will the WWF book this angle all to crap as well? Only time will tell but at least people care about it which is more than can be said for everything since Wrestlemania X7.
· The New World Order caused chaos and unpredictability when it was first introduced to the stale WCW program under the guidance of Eric Bischoff. Because of the nature of the New World Order you never know who might be involved and for what reason. Because of this I’ll be looking later in this very column at possible members before the faction has taken off. That’s what the New World Order does. Gets people talking and creates interest and will be surprising.
· Vince + Hogan = heel heat. Who do you hate more than these two egomaniacs? Think about it.
· Hulk Hogan is and will always be a draw. People will watch if Hogan is in the WWF.
· Hogan has never feuded with any number of current WWF superstars like Steve Austin, The Rock, Kurt Angle and Triple H. The potential for something interesting is there.
· Hogan, Nash and Hall are bad guys. No one likes them. They may be the first smart heels. In other words – the fans (whether on the internet or not) will loathe these guys. When Triple H was the WWF’s number one heel the fans on the net loved him. During the invasion angle Austin was praised highly on the internet. These three have no chance of any praise. From anyone. They are perfect heels in that respect.

New World Order – Con’s

· Hogan hasn’t been worth shit in years and cannot work a decent program with anyone because a) his ego gets in the way and b) when it comes to the match the angle will flop (see Warrior, Ultimate crossreferenced with WCW, shithole)
· If Vince lets these 3 have any power (which in a way he has already with the massive build up) then he’s asking for trouble.
· Vince McMahon is recycling the very storyline which buried WCW in the first place. The NWO ruined WCW because they never knew when to let it die.
· Why in the blue hell should we believe Vince wants to destroy the very company which is still making him millions every year it’s in operation. Why would he want to throw that money away by destroying his own company? I think the “Vince McMahon” we see on screen should be committed to a mental institution for that kind of decision.
· This whole move is a potential locker room disaster. It will damage moral. If Hogan and Nash get dumped straight into main events what does that say for guys like Edge who’ve worked for years to be on the fringe of greatness? How has he been rewarded? The locker room will not be happy with this move. Maybe even more so than when Vince threw his money into the doomed XFL.
· Wrestling will suffer. Mark my words.

So look at it like this – I can see why everyone is so excited about the New World Order. It’s exciting and new (to the WWF) and with it anything can and may happen. The NWO may well bring in guys like Jeff Jarrett, Shawn Michaels, Scott Steiner or if you want some long shots – Roddy Piper, Randy Savage or Goldberg. But if it gets overbooked then the NWO will become just another heel stable like the Alliance, like the Corporate Ministry, like the Million Dollar Man’s corporation, like the Heenan Family. Everyone in it will not benefit from joining and will ultimately get lost in the mix just like the Alliance angle. Only guys who are already over get over. Wrestling will suffer. Matches will be interupted. Don’t expect any match at No Way Out to go down anywhere near clean. These will be dark days. But at least they’ll be entertaining? Right?

Possible NWOites.

The Undertaker

The WWF is giving Taker no respect. Taker is like Sting was in WCW. He’s the dark one. The guy who doesn’t take any crap from guys from the outside. But if he were to join the NWO he would do his heel push a power of good. If he didn’t join he would have to oppose and that would turn him back face again. Boring. Taker needs this to push him over the edge as a heel. It would work. It would be quite shocking too. Chances of it happening – good.

Chris Jericho

Undisputed champion and yet a joke in the eyes of the WWF fans. Only problem with him joining with the New World Order is that he would be lost in the shuffle. Jericho has been exceptionally weak as a champion and nearly lost to Maven last week. He needs to stand out. Unless he was the leader of this faction I hope to God he doesn’t join it. Chances of it happening – average.

The Rock

Yes, the ultimate heel turn. I doubt it would happen because Rock is such good box office as a face but he was hated as a heel. If you look back to 1998 and early 1999 the Rock was the best heel in the company. Every since then he’s been a babyface. A heel turn would certainly freshen up the character and the NWO is the only way the turn would take. The only problem is he would probably turn the whole of the NWO face just by joining. Chances of it happening – slim but it would be cool.

Shawn Michaels

Shawn has been off TV for far too long and his appearance a few weeks ago at the Royal Rumble leads me to believe that he’s close to a return to TV. Shawn was always awesome as a heel and it wouldn’t take much to put Michaels in with the other has-beens. Sorry Shawn but you are washed up. Chances of it happening – based on prior WCW booking it’s a certainty. Based on WWF booking – depends how much crack they’ve had.

Jeff Jarrett

If Vince can iron out his differences with Hogan then Jarrett needs to be signed. He’s a far better worker than the guys that have already been signed and he fits in with the whole NWO. After all he was a part of it’s final incarnation. Chances of it happening – one would hope they were good.

Goldberg

If Vince can hire 3 lazy, over paid, undertalented egomaniacs I’m sure he has room for a 4th. Problem is Goldberg has guaranteed millions without setting foot in the ring ever again and Triple H hates him. Plus the guy is the biggest mark for himself in the history of professional wrestling. Chances of it happening – zero.

X-Pac

Look another guy who everyone hates plus he has all sorts of links with the other guys in the angle. He should be a shoe in to get the role. Chances of it happening – if logic were applied he’s there.

Bret Hart

If you can bring back Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair you have to bring back Bret Hart. Bret is the greatest worker the WWF have ever had. The only problem is that he has enormous, off the scale, personal heat with Vince McMahon. Bret is the only guy you can guarantee will not be back as a part of this. Shit. Chances of it happening – snowballs chance in hell.

I know I promised to have a play with those tools at Power Of Wrestling magazine but I don’t have the room or the time to talk about Bill Apter. Sorry. So without further ado it’s onto the almighty Respect-O-Meter. I know what you’re thinking – “What the hell is a respect-o-meter?”. Well clearly you didn’t read the Furious Zone #48 where the almighty Respect-O-Meter made it’s glorious debut. The idea is if you place on the almighty Respect-O-Meter then you have earned my respect. It may have been through some random act of kindliness or something particularly brutal. It just doesn’t matter to me.

The Almighty Furious Respect-O-Meter for February 2nd 2002.

1. Bret Jones. I told you last time that he is your champion and once again he has prevailed. Bret Jones, your lord and master, spotted that my title quote last time out came from Full Metal Jacket. That quote again – “You climb obstacles like old people fuck”. I love that quote. If you can spot the tenuously wrestling linked movie quote this week you win a bunch of bananas. Or perhaps you merely claim a place on the Respect-O-Meter above your peers. Once again bow before your champion – Bret Jones, ladies and gentlemen.
2. Chris Jericho. How is a man this entertaining allowed to essentially job to Maven? Still he carried Maven to a great match for a total outright rookie. On top of that he had a great match with Tazz on Smackdown. If only he could win a match clean.
3. Ric Flair. I may not like the man’s promos but he sure does know how to make the crowd just erupt on cue. Pretty amazing when you consider a large percentage of the newer fans of the WWF don’t really have an idea what he did for the business. The same large percentage probably never saw him wrestle in Japan, or against Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat or against Randy Savage at Wrestlemania 8. He’s a legend and he never looks out of place controlling 15,000 people with the flick of a wrist.
4. Christopher Nolan. Before anyone says “who?” this is the guy who directed the awesome “Memento” starring former Aussie soap hunk Guy Pearce. Simply put it’s the best film I’ve seen in years. I would highly recommend it to anyone and everyone. Although as a guide if you liked say – The Usual Suspects, this is for you.
5. Jimmie Moreland. If you don’t who Jimmie is – shame on you. Jimmie is the guy who makes this site run like a well oiled machine and the man is responsible for it’s funky look and choice selection of tasty babes in our sister site. Now, I swear if anyone else says I’m gay they’ll be trouble. But Jimmie is included here because he put me in charge of hiring and firing columnists. Which means I can fire myself if I really start to suck. Excellent. I am indeed natures greatest miracle.

So until next column reading folks –

The Rage is Relentless.

Arnold F

Repost - Furious Zone #48

2008-05-04T19:04:00.001-07:00

Hey, why not? Here's some really old columns from 2002. This was back when I was writing for the now long defunct WrestleEmpire.com. I don't agree with half my sentiments from back then now. I certainly would never have referred to Scott Hall as a zero if I was thinking beyond my WCW hatred. Take my badly aged and somewhat uneducated opinions with a pinch of proverbial salt.

The Furious Zone #48 – “You climb obstacles like old people fuck”

Welcome to the dwelling of delirium here at Wrestle Empire.com. The excitement has been bubbling around here ever since I heard that the WWF was in negotiations with Hulk Hogan and Kevin Nash. I’ve never been more disgusted in my whole life. So this entire column could well be a series of expletives. I apologise for this ahead of time. In order to counter this particularly abusive tone I am debuting a new feature this week. It’s called the Furious Respect-O-Meter. The Respect-O-Meter will be a measure of what and who I like right now. Right this second. Excited? I’m so excited I may have to change my pants.

Well I watched the Royal Rumble and I was quite impressed. There was no exceptionally bad match on the card although it looked a little weak on paper. Jericho v Rock was a good match and although it didn’t put Jericho over (more on this in a sec) it was entertaining. I’ll take that. Regal-Edge was a showstealer and I don’t care what anyone says and how many morons in Atlanta sat on their hands during it – it was match of the night. Edge is showing the kind of form which could well see him step up to the next level in the next few weeks (not months, weeks) and challenge Chris Jericho for the WWF title. He won’t win but he’s a genuine threat already. Dudleys v Spike/Tazz was ok and I quite enjoyed it. Jazz v Trish was surprisingly good and is probably the best womens match I’ve seen on WWF PPV since the days of Alundra Blayze. If they let it go a little longer it could have grown into the best womens match in WWF history. Good sign for Jazz and for Trish. Not only was it loaded with hand injured psychology but it had some lovely sequences. Now the bad –

The Royal Rumble has recently been better paced than the rumble match at 2002. It seemed like we had stages in the match that were dominated by one or two stars. In particular the Undertaker had his little run and Triple H and Austin dominated a large spell. Having said that it was still good and Maven eliminating the Undertaker is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. There are other gripes though. Rob Van Dam and Booker T are great performers but their late entries did little for the match and they could have been better utilised on a longer run. I was hoping that RVD would come in at number one and stay there for 30 minutes or so. RVD is so over the crowd booed more when he was eliminated than when Austin went out. I think the WWF misused him in that respect. Also bad was Vince v Flair but I thought that would be bad so I wasn’t disappointed. To be real honest – I’m not that big a fan of Flair. This will probably catch me some flack from some wrestling purists but I never really liked him. I respect him and I appreciate his work but I think his promos suck. I do like a nice WHOOOO every now and again though.

So was the Royal Rumble worth the £14 I swore blind I wasn’t going to pay for it? Well it was better than most of the poxy British PPV’s that I pay the same amount for but it wasn’t as good as either of the past 2 years Rumble’s. It seems the WWF is heading in the right direction but they need a little more variety. None of the past 3 PPV’s have had variety but they’ve all been good. I guess the WWF is sticking with ‘good’ and not going for ‘excellent’ like last years Wrestlemania. Now that is how you book a show – technical masterpiece (Benoit-Angle), high flying table breaking match (TLC), hardcore match (Kane-Show-Raven), comedy match (Gimmick Battle Royal), solid main event (Rock-Austin). The WWF is only using the Rock-Austin match as a template when it needed all those elements for a truly great PPV event. The result is lots of ‘solid’ shows. All good reliable stuff but nothing amazing. The WWF needs more variety and a cruiserweight division would help matters.

Right – Jericho. I said prior to the rumble that Jericho would need to go over clean to make his title run worth shit. Take Triple H a couple of years ago where he needed the same sort of win over Cactus Jack to claim the same credibility and he got it, hence he’s now over and has been for over 2 years on one match. He built on that match. Jericho hasn’t had his one match yet because the WWF just don’t book him that way. He had a chance at the rumble to have his one match. All he needed was a clean win for a credible title reign. If you count using the ropes, the title belt, 2 of his buddies, a crooked ref and 2 ref bumps to retain his title as clean then he went over clean. I usually find a way to exaggerate the facts to make my point in these cases but with that match I didn’t need to. Rock also kicked out of 2 Lionsaults and powered out of the Liontamer twice. Hence killing both of Jericho’s finishers. It’s got to the point where I think I could beat Jericho in a fair fight. He had to use 7 big cheats to win against Rock. Normally one is enough for anyone else. I guess his own ability counts for nothing. The match, although entertaining, has buried Jericho’s title run deeper than a Steve Corino blade job.

Back to my original point in the opening paragraph. The WWF knows it needs something different on the card. So do they put Jerry Lynn, Rob Van Dam, The Hardys, Edge, Lance Storm and Al Snow in any combination of matches they want (any and all would work) or do they sign Rey Mysterio, Psychosis, Juventud Guerrera, Jonny Storm, Jody Fleisch and the Great Sasuke? No? What could be better than my proposals which would provide an entertaining 2 hours of undercard for any Rock-Austin-Triple H-Big Slow main event they wanted to put on? Oh yeah, I forgot.

THE WWF IS GOING TO SIGN HULK HOGAN, KEVIN NASH AND SCOTT HALL.

Why? Why in the name of all that’s good would the WWF want to sign these 3 zeros? Build for the future; don’t sign guys who’ll be worth shit in a year. Shit in a year? Hell they’re shit now. Scott Hall is the only one of the 3 who can still wrestle and he’s unpredictable; childish, irresponsible and quite frankly he isn’t a draw. Plus he’s an alcoholic with ungoing family problems. The WWF fans probably won’t know who he is because most of them came in around 1998 when Austin was the king. Hall hardly has the talent to get noticed amongst the most loaded roster of all time. Hall is nowhere near the likes of Angle, Benoit, Storm and Triple H in workrate and nowhere near the likes of Austin, Rock and Jericho in the mic department. He may have been 5 years ago but wake up Vince, it’s 2002. Scott Hall is a thing of the past. I won’t pop for the guy because I just don’t care about him. I personally would put any member of the WWF’s current roster over Hall clean in any match you care to name. Hardcore Holly is better than Hall. Taka Michinoku is better than Hall. These guys are buried in obscurity. D’Lo Brown is better than Hall. Sean O’Haire is better than Hall. Both these guys are in the minors. If I’m pissed off about Hall you had better believe it’s ten times worse for the other two.

Nash is a joke. Nash has never been able to go. Nash has been carried by anyone who’s ever had a good match with him. Nash knows all of 3 wrestling moves. Nash is the laziest worker in the business today. Do you think the fans and the locker room are going to respond to a guy that lazy? That pathetic piece of crap? I hate Nash more than any other wrestler on this planet. I can’t even name a year to say this about – “Nash hasn’t been worth shit since….” Because Nash has been worth shit since he was born. How anyone ever let him wrestle is beyond me. He just can’t do it. He reminds me of Superstar Billy Graham. The Superstar didn’t bother wrestling either. He just got over on looks. He had the look of a champion and guess what? Vince put the WWF title on both guys. What a fucking surprise. Couldn’t put it on Curt Hennig, Chris Benoit or Owen Hart but sure give it to Nash. Nash the overrated piece of shit. If Nash makes me sick than I can’t look at Hogan.

Hulk Hogan began his reign of terror somewhere around Wrestlemania 3. Before that it was tolerable. Then he just became superhuman and no sold everything, everyone’s finishers, everyone’s signature moves. It was his massive kick out at Wrestlemania 5 against Savage from his big elbow that really did it. Why did he have to no sell it so much? Why not just barely kick out at 2 and ¾? Because Hogan is an egomaniac. Worse still, away from the actual wrestling part of the business, Hogan is a politician. Hogan wants control. Hogan wants success for himself and his buddies and screw anyone who can’t draw. If you can’t draw you’re not worth shit to Hogan. Hogan only respects one thing and that’s money. If you haven’t got any or you can’t make him any you’re worth shit to Hogan. And the WWF is putting these 3 guys in its locker room. They must have lost the plot. All 3 are known troublemakers. All 3 are washed up. All 3 are politicians who will play people in the locker rooms like the proverbial musical instruments they perceive them as. These men cannot be trusted. These men have earned my disdain. For these men I say nothing more.

Well that’s the abuse out of the way. Now onto the almighty praise as we check out the Furious Respect-O-Meter for January 22nd 2002.

1. Bret Jones. Bret, although unknown among the throngs of visitors to the Zone, is a genius and a scholar. Not only did he correctly identify which film my title quote came from last time out (Martin Scorsese’s Bringing Out The Dead) he also accredited it to the correct character. Let the name Bret Jones be forever connected to success and respect.
2. Jeff Jarrett. It wasn’t until I sat down and did a flashback to 1998 and 1999 that I realised how good Jarrett actually is. I apologise to the Jarrett clan if I ever took his name in vain. He is a true hero of wrestling.
3. The Undertaker. I may not like him but he let himself be eliminated from the rumble by Maven. That alone should be enough to kick-start a career for the young man. It’s selfless acts like that, which make wrestling entertaining. Austin did it for Angle. Michaels did it for Austin. Foley did it for Triple H. The list goes on. I’m glad the Undertaker has done something worthy of my respect so early in the year.
4. Jazz. Having a good match in the WWF when you’re a woman is virtually impossible. Meet the woman who will change all that.
5. Tommy Dreamer. Having looked back at my fair share of ECW events from the past it’s now very easy to see where the respect for Tommy came from. He is a great worker who puts his heart and soul into every match. The WWF doesn’t seem to realise they have another Mick Foley right under their noses.

With that I’m out of here. I would like to point out that I screwed up a little in my rumble predictions but, for a change, I actually picked both main events correctly. An inverse Furious set of predictions if you will. Again I have set a challenge to one and all. If you can name the source of the Furious Zone 48’s title quotation you will get your name in big shining lights, just like Bret Jones. Respect the man or name the quote. For until you best him, he is your champion.

The rage is relentless.

Arnold F

PS I was reading Power Of Wrestling magazine today. David Kimble is a tool and Bill Apter is a hypocrite (mayhap some wacky quotation based humour with the fools from POW next week?)

Repost - WWF Wrestlemania 15

2008-05-04T19:03:00.001-07:00

The Furious Flashbacks – Wrestlemania 15

Everyone bought this PPV for Undertaker-Bossman Hell in a Cell. No, wait I think it was Mankind v Big Show to determine the referee in the main event. I’m completely out of it of course. The match everyone bought this show for was Steve Austin v The Rock. First time ever for the WWF title after Rock had established himself as a main event heel. Austin was aiming to win the WWF title at his second consecutive Wrestlemania.

This PPV will be graded according to the Furious Grading Scale. FGS grades are as follows -

A One of the greatest matches anywhere, ever.
A- Damn near perfect
B+ Excellent
B Very Good
B- Good
C+ Average
C Mediocre
C- Bad
D Terrible
F Hulk Hogan
U or Ungraded = Hacksaw Jim Duggan v Ultimate Warrior v Goldberg in a submissions only Ironman match. My worst nightmare.

Boyz 2 Men sing America the Beautiful. Joy. Every time I’ve seen it I fast forwarded it. The WWF demonstrates it’s ability to do video packages with a “through the ages” package voiced by Classy Freddie Blassie. Michael Cole and the King welcome us to the Grandaddy of them all – Wrestlemania. Cole is covering for JR when he had his problems.

Hardcore title – Billy Gunn (c) v Hardcore Holly v Al Snow

How did Billy win the belt? I can’t remember. I see a lot of ECW fans in the crowd. Well we are in Philadelphia. They spill outside early and Billy takes the stairs knees first. Holly suplexes Snow on the floor. Snow pulls out a hockey stick and we have a chant of “let’s go Flyers”. Snow dumps a case of gatorade on Holly. Billy breaks the hockey stick over Holly’s back. Snow pulls some funky martial arts moves with a broom handle to my amusement. Snow sets up a chair and hits air Sabu to a chant of “ECW”. He misses a second attempt and Billy takes over with a gorilla press on Holly. Snow waffles both men with Head and gets a “Head” chant going. Snow goes under the ring and pulls out a table. Gunn steps in and chairs both Holly and Snow with 2 stiff chair shots. He puts a chair in the ring and hits a FameAsser on Snow. Holly hits Gunn with a chair and then pins Snow. What? It’s over at 7.01 and they didn’t use the table. Match rating – D. Nothing really to speak of match-wise.

WWF tag titles – Owen Hart/Jeff Jarrett (c) v D’Lo Brown/Test

D’Lo and Test won a rumble earlier in the night to win the tag title shot. That’s how many good tag teams were around. They aren’t even a team. Owen and Jarrett, despite being heels, are far more over than the challengers. Debra accompanies the champs. Test hits his finisher (big boot) 15 seconds into the match on Owen but no one notices. Test with a gutwrench powerbomb on Owen for a 2 count. Owen comes back with an inziguri and he goes for a sharpshooter but D’Lo breaks it up. D’Lo tells Owen that he sucks. Owen disproves that with a lovely spinning heel kick. Jarrett tags in and D’Lo reverses him into a Sky High from a leap frog. The ref seems the miss that completely and Terri is at ringside for some reason and she distracts the ref while Owen hits a top rope dropkick on D’Lo. Jarrett rolls him up and it’s over at 3.57. Match rating – D. Not good. Should have gone at least another 10 minutes considering the talent.

Brawl for All – Butterbean v Bart “The Hammer” Gunn

Bart just won the Brawl For All in a fixed final because he knocked out Steve Williams and ruined his push. Gorilla Monsoon is one of the judges and gets a massive pop. This match (like most of the Brawl for All) is real. In other words – no planned finish. It’s a fight. Bart gets knocked down on 16 seconds and has trouble getting back up. At about 30 seconds Butterbean hits Bart so hard he drops him cold. The bell rings at 47 seconds. This is over and this is uglier than a bowling shoe. Match rating – F. As this was a shoot I won’t give it a “U”.

The world famous San Diego chicken comes out and dances with Vinny Pazienca who was reffing the Brawl and Vinny knocks his ass out.

Match to determine the referee in the main event – Mankind v “The Big Show” Paul Wight

Foley is so over. The crowd chant “Foley” as Mick throws a few clotheslines but Show no sells everything. Mick goes for a double arm DDT on the floor but Show pushes him into the ring steps. Mick lands on the back of his head. Back in the ring Show hits a russian legsweep. A wrestling move? Yeah, you heard me right. Mick pulls out Mr Socko. Business is about to pick up. Mandible claw in the ring but Show just fights out. Mandible claw again and a low blow and Mick climbs on Show’s back to get additional leverage but Show just drops backwards. Ouch. That must have broken something inside. Show goes for a chair and waffles Mick in the ribs and the back with chair shots. Show sets up a couple of chairs in the ring and chokeslams Mick on them. The ref calls it a DQ at 6.50. Match rating – C-. I only gave Mick some points for his bumps. Foley will ref the main event. Vince comes out and badmouths Show for screwing up the main event. Show slaps him silly and Vince is out.

In the back Vince orders the arrest of the Big Show. This was the beginning of crap for the WWF. Vince, because he was so over in 1998, thought he could pull this crap on every show. Wrong. Cue boredom.

IC title – Road Dogg (c) v Val Venis v Goldust w/Ryan Shamrock/Blue Meanie v Ken Shamrock

Early hurracurana on Goldie from Shamrock. I see another ECW regular in the crowd ordering Shamrock to “fuck the Roadie up”. Sweet. Road Dogg hits a drop kick on Shamrock and tags out. Val tags in also and Goldust hits a release suplex. Goldie goes for the curtain call but Val gets out and hits a spinebuster. Goldust messes up a superplex so Val bulldogs him from the ropes. Val with a fisherman suplex for a 2 count. Shamrock hits a DDT on Goldust so Road Dogg comes in and DDT’s Val. Goldie gets up first and gets a 2 count on Val. Road Dogg tags in and peppers Val with the shaky punches. Goldie comes in and Road Dogg cleans house. Road Dogg with a pumphandle slam on Val but Shamrock blindsides him. Ankle Lock on Val but he makes the ropes. Val back drops Shamrock to the floor and Ken’s “sister” Ryan comes over to distract Shammy. Val and Shamrock fight up the aisleway and both get counted out at 8.23. Road Dogg and Goldie are left. Shamrock snaps and belly to belly’s both the remaining guys. Ryan trips Goldie ‘by mistake’. Road Dogg hits the roll up for the belt at 9.48. match rating – C+. Very average stuff. Nothing fun anywhere to be found.

Show is being hauled off by the cops outside. He makes a few cracks about donuts and so forth. Bye, bye.

Triple H v Kane

Kane is in the Corporation and Chyna is helping him. Trips is the leader of DX and Chyna stabbed him in the back a few weeks ago. Kane is jumped by the San Diego chicken and it’s Pete Rose. Tombstone. Night Pete. Trips sneaks in through the crowd and hits a low blow. Trips backdrops Kane out of the ring but lands on his feet. Trips throws Kane into the ring steps and Kane has a bad arm. Trips works a few dropkicks on Kane but Kane’s selling is so bad it’s hard to watch. Kane goes to chokeslam Trips on the outside but dumps Trips onto the guard rail. The Mean Street Posse is at ringside and Kane shoves Trips right into them. Kane runs through some plodding offence including a glory leg drop which gets a two count. Kane hits an ugly pescado. Kane climbs the buckles and Trips hits an arm drag of sorts off the top. Kane lumbers through some awful selling so Trips hits his facebuster and it doesn’t put him down. Trips is in control and out comes Chyna. Kane goes for a tombstone but Trips gets out and goes for a pedigree which Kane powers out of. Chyna dumps some steel ring steps into the ring. Kane goes to use them so Trips hits a leg lift and then a drop toe hold onto the steps. Trips goes for a pedigree on the ring steps but Kane backdrops out. Kane hits a chokeslam and Chyna comes in with a chair but hits Kane for the DQ at 11.33. Match rating – C+. Chyna and Trips hug after the match and Trips pedigrees Kane on a chair. Huge pops because they think Chyna has gone back face. Ah. It won’t last.

Vince McMahon announces in comic book caricature mode that he will referee the main event. That’s right – steal the spotlight Vince. Ruin another match.

WWF Women’s title – Sable (c) v Tori

Sable just appeared in Playboy. Nice photo shoot incidentally. She may have sucked as a wrestler but she was hot. “This is for the women who want to be me and the men who come to see me”. Sable is half heel by this point because her ego is so massive she’s about to quit and go solo. Tori comes out to a Joe Satriani tune butchered for intro purposes. This is like watching some late night movie with “Amazon” in the title somewhere. Highlight of the match is Sable doing the Grind. Tori screws up a simple bridge into a backslide. Tori knocks the ref out and out comes ‘Man Beast’ Nicole Bass. Bass press slams Tori. Any chance of an explaination? No? Sablebomb on Tori for the 3 at 5.05. Match rating – U.

WWF European title – Shane McMahon (c) v X-Pac

X-Pac cuts a promo with all of DX (with Chyna) but Trips does most of the talking because he’s far more over. Shane is accompanied by Test and he has the Mean Street Posse at ringside. Brisco and Patterson kick X-Pac’s ass at ringside before the match. Hehe. Shane does a crane and bails. Awesome. Back into the ring and X-Pac hits a heel kick. Test pulls Shane out to avoid a Bronco Buster. On the outside Test crotches X-Pac. Shane slaps X-Pac around a bit but misses a People’s elbow. Shane takes a belt to X-Pac Hogan style. Shane gets backdropped out the ring and X-Pac hits a pescado. The Mean Street Posse intervene battering X-Pac from behind. X-Pac decks Pete Gas so Test levels him with a clothesline. Shane goes up top and X-Pac drop kicks him for the crotch. Superplex from X-Pac but Test pulls out X-Pac. Test misses a move outside and injures himself. X-Pac takes the belt and straps Shane. Bronco Buster from X-Pac. Test comes in and waffles X-Pac with the European title but Shane doesn’t get the pin. Shane goes for his Bronco Buster but misses. Test comes in again so X-Pac clocks him with a spin kick and out comes Triple H. Bronco Buster on Test. Trips pulls out Test while X-Pac hits the X-Factor on Shane. Trips hits the pedigree on X-Pac and the crowd goes nuts. Shane pins X-Pac for the 3 count at 8.40. Match rating – C+. Lots of interference but signs of Shane’s ability. It was the start of the Triple H heel run that put him on course for greatness though.

Hell in a Cell – Undertaker v Big Bossman

This is the Corporation (a heel stable lead by Vince McMahon) against the Ministry (a heel stable lead by the Undertaker). Does this sound boring? That’s because it was. Bossman is Vince’s shining knight in this match. Taker at least comes out to his coolest ever music (yeah even Limp Bizkit) which is a nastier version of his classic music. Taker gets caught with an early neckbreaker. Taker sits up to absolutely zero heat. Taker sort of chokeslams Bossman into the cell wall. Bossman has produced handcuffs from somewhere and he cuffs Taker to the cell. Bossman takes a nightstick to Taker and the cuffs have broken already. The crowd is chanting “boring” already. Taker is busted open. Taker whips Bossman into the cell and grabs a chair which he uses to nail Bossman in the spine with. Taker javelins Bossman into the cell in a moment that briefly reminds me of Bad Blood until Bossman’s selling kicks in. Back into the ring with a flying clothesline. Top rope walk of doom but Taker gets crotched. The crowd is booing but it’s hard to tell what. The booing actually becomes more of a constant than the match. Bossman reverses a tombstone but Taker hits it the second time for the win at 9.47 and luckily the WWF pipes in enough music to drown out the very, very loud boos. Match rating – F. Absolutely awful from start to finish. Edge, Christian and Gangrel drop out of the ceiling and hang Bossman from the cell after the match. Hey, those guys were over. No chance of a match for them then? No, guess not. Bossman should be dead but hey wrestling is fake right?

Michael Cole makes way for good old JR before the main event because Cole sucks too much to work the main event. The crowd give JR a nice pop. Maybe they were just happy to see Cole leave as he’s left his indelible crap mark on this show.

WWF title – The Rock (c) v Steve Austin

Vince is going to ref the match but out comes WWF commish Shawn Michaels who gets the biggest pop of the night and removes Vince from the match and bars the Corporation from ringside. “Start the stepping and hit the bricks McMahon”. Michaels is so over even a year after he retired.

Rock talks trash to Austin so Austin smacks him about a bit. They spill out of the ring and straight into the crowd. This match is no DQ thanks to Vince so both take advantage of that outside. Austin goes for a piledriver outside but Rock backdrops him into a lighting rig which Austin clocks hard with his knee. Rock reverses a suplex outside and nails a suplex on Austin on the concrete. Austin dumps Rock onto the Spanish announce table and Austin drives an elbow. The table doesn’t break so Austin goes up a second time and hits the elbow and breaks the table. Rock fights back and wraps Austin’s knee around the ringpost. Austin puts Rock into the ring steps. Back inside Rock hits a Rock Bottom but Austin kicks out. Rock brings in a chair and the ref gets nailed with the chair. Rock with a neckbreaker and he’s working the bad neck of Austin. Chair shots to the knees of Austin. Work those injured body parts. Rock gets another two count. Rock goes to a sleeper because he’s run out of ideas. Austin fights out but catches a Samoan drop for another 2 count. Referee Timmy White upsets the Rock with his slow count and gets a rock bottom but Rock catches a stunner. Hebner comes running down but only counts to 2 and Rock kicks out to the People’s Displeasure. Out comes Vince. Rock hits a low blow and Vince comes in. Rock and Vince give Austin a shoeing while the crowd chants for “HBK”. Foley comes out and removes Vince from the equation. Austin scores a 2 count from a roll up. Lou Thesz press and right hands. Rock hits the Rock Bottom and Rock goes for the People’s Elbow instead of covering. Rock misses the elbow. Rock goes for another Rock Bottom but Austin counters, misses his gut kick completely and hits the stunner for the win at 16.52. Match rating – B-. Decent main event but a little too overdone in terms of run in’s and ref bumps and a little low on actual match.

Best matches –
3. Shane McMahon v X-Pac. Reasonable and showed the gifts Shane had been blessed with but loaded with pointless run in’s and Triple H’s big heel turn.
2. Kane v Triple H. Actually one of the worst matches I’ve ever seen Triple H wrestle.
1. Steve Austin v The Rock. It helped that it was the longest match but it was loaded with extra caricular stuff instead of match psychology. Looked really lazy and that was the best match.

Overall PPV rating –
D. Just appalling. Even the main event was a little short on actual wrestling action. Possibly the worst Wrestlemania of all time.

Repost - WWF Wrestlemania 14

2008-05-04T19:02:00.001-07:00

The Furious Flashbacks – Wrestlemania 14

WM14 is X-Raided whatever that means. Shawn Michaels is defending his WWF title against Steve Austin with Mike Tyson as the less than impartial referee. Tyson actually joined DX on an episode of RAW prior to the PPV so Austin has it all to do in this one. Elsewhere Undertaker fights his own brother Kane for the first time (but not the last). But most attention was placed on the main event.

This PPV will be graded according to the Furious Grading Scale. FGS grades are as follows -

A One of the greatest matches anywhere, ever.
A- Damn near perfect
B+ Excellent
B Very Good
B- Good
C+ Average
C Mediocre
C- Bad
D Terrible
F Hulk Hogan
U or Ungraded = Hacksaw Jim Duggan v Ultimate Warrior v Goldberg in a submissions only Ironman match. My worst nightmare.

We’re in Boston, Massachussets for Wrestlemania, the showcase of the immortals. On the free for all Dok Hendrix and Sunny talk smack about the upcoming show. Michael Coleslaw attempts to interview DX but they won’t let him in. Little bitch. Jerry Lawler interviews Paul Bearer and the lights flicker on and off. Someone bought a dimmer switch. We have video packages for Michaels and Austin – both good. The DX band play a kicking metal version of the national anthem but get booed out of the building. We have another long video package “these men who shunned tradition are now destined to become a part of it”. Cool.

15 team battle royale to determine the number one contenders for the tag team titles

We don’t see all the teams announced just Kama and Faarooq who come out second from last and the returning Legion of Doom who are packaged up as LOD2000 with Sunny who looks hot. Huge “LOD” chant breaks out. I see the Godwinns, the New Midnight Express, the Headbangers, The New Blackjacks, Too Cool, lots of members of DOA and I also see Flash Funk out there. The Nation and Los Boricuas have 2 teams out there. Savio Vega is dumped early so that’s one of the Boricuas teams gone. The big Kurrgan does a run in and he pulls out Sniper and Recon. Barry Windham does a run in and dumps Chainz who’s partnering Bradshaw tonight so they’re gone too. D’Lo Brown is out along with his partner Mark Henry. This is like a really appalling Royal Rumble. Rock and Roll Express are out along with the Nation and Boricuas teams that were left. Headbangers are gone. Mark Henry is still in there for some reason. Bart Gunn dumps Scott Taylor and Too Cool are out. Henry Godwinn is fighting the DOA. Dear God. How sloppy is that? The answer is very. The final 4 teams are LOD, DOA, Godwinns and the New Midnight Express. DOA are dumped to my relief but they come back in and dump the Godwinns. Cheating bikers. LOD are left with the NME. The Godwinns come back in and knock out LOD with steel buckets. Animal comes back with a powerslam off the ropes on Bart. The LOD dump both members of NME at the same time and win at 8.18. Match rating – D. There were always too many people in the ring and to be honest there weren’t many good teams in there either.

WWF Lightheavyweight title – Taka Michinoku (c) v Aguila

Aguila is Essa Rios with a mask and doesn’t even have entrance music. Arm drag, headscissors and a spin kick from Aguila. Aguila moonsaults off the top rope to Taka on the outside. Taka goes back inside and hits a leaping plancha. Taka hits a dropkick to the face of Aguila and gets a two count. Aguila back drops Taka to the floor but comes back in off the top rope and gets arm dragged. Corkscrew wrist lock takedown from Aguila so Taka bails and Aguila hits a corkscrew suicide dive. Back inside Taka misses a twisting moonsault so Aguila hits a great moonsault press for a two count. Great jumping hurracurana from Aguila off the ropes. Missile dropkick from Taka and goes for the finisher but Aguila gets out. Aguila goes for another hurracurana and gets powerbombed. Mahistrol cradle from Aguila for another 2 count. Aguila comes off the ropes and Taka meets him with a dropkick. Michinoku driver and this is over at 5.57. Match rating – B-. Lots of high spots but no real flow.

We cut to an interview between Gennifer Flowers (who screwed Clinton) and The Rock. Rock tells Gennifer the term ‘leader’ is beneath the Rock he’s a ‘ruler’. Rock doesn’t care about the homeless situation. “If the Rock were the jury 9 times out of 10 he’d be a hung jury”. Rock was classic as a heel. Rock cracks a joke about interns. Hehe.

WWF European title – Triple H (c) w/Chyna v Owen Hart

Chyna will be handcuffed to Sgt Slaughter to make sure she doesn’t interfere. Owen kicks off with a double leg and then a back drop. Owen hits a lovely hurracurana (which JR calls correctly). Owen gets knocked outside and Chyna tries to smack him but Sarge won’t let her. Owen goes for a sharpshooter but he rakes the eyes to escape. Trips with a suplex and his curtsey gets booed. Owen eats boot in the corner and Trips gets a long 2 count off a DDT. Trips finally goes after Owen’s injured ankle. We get a close up of Owen and he broke his nose when he ate boot. Trips works the ankle with a stepover toe hold. Owen comes back by crotching Trips on the ring post and he flies off the ropes with the drop kick. Beautiful belly to belly suplex from Owen. Spinning heel kick for a 2 count. Inziguri but Owen hurt his own ankle – psychology rules. Owen goes for the hurracurana but Trips hits a powerbomb for a 2 count. Owen hits a crossbody from the ropes but only gets a 2. Trips goes for the pedigree but Owen counters by grabbing the legs and going straight into a sharpshooter which Trips powers out of. Trips goes for the pedigree again which Owen counters into a backdrop but Trips holds on for a sunset flip which Owen rolls straight through and he pops up into the sharpshooter. Awesome. Trips makes the ropes with the help of Chyna and the crowd voice their displeasure. Chyna throws powder in Sarge’s eyes and she cheap shots Owen with a low blow. Pedigree for the pin at 11.30. Match rating – B+. I really enjoyed the reversals and counters.

Mixed tag – “Marvellous” Marc Mero/Sable v Goldust/Luna Vachon

This is the match with the worst background coming into it. It’s a feud over Sable’s popularity essentially. Mero starts out with a nice headscissors. Goldie can’t hack the pace and tags in Luna. Sable gets the tag too and Luna runs and promptly tags straight out. Mero and Sable exchange tags and Sable belts Goldie with a kick. Mero opens up on Goldie with boxing style punches. Mero levels Goldie with a crossbody but Goldie fights back with a big ass right hand. Mero and Goldie collide in what can only have been something that went wrong. The girls tag in and Sable double legs Luna and wailing on her with rights and martial arts kicks. Sable even punks out Goldust on the apron. Goldie tags in and Sable doesn’t back down. Mero whips Goldie into the steps on the floor. Mero slingshots back into the ring but eats knees. Goldie counters a TKO attempt into a DDT for a 2 count. Goldie goes for the Curtain Call but Mero floats out and hits a million dollar knee lift. Merosault for a 2 count. Mero crotches Goldust on the top rope and hits the superhurracurana. Mero hits the TKO on Goldie but Luna jumps on Mero’s back to break the count. Sable tags in and pins Goldie but Luna comes off the ropes and splashes Goldie by mistake. Sablebomb on Luna but she kicks out. Catfight. Sable counters an Irish whip straight into the TKO and it’s over 9.09. Match rating – B-. I actually liked the match and I think Mero was a lot better than he got credit for.

WWF IC title – The Rock (c) v Ken Shamrock

Out comes J-E-double F, J-A-double R-E-double T. It’s Jeff Jarrett. Ain’t he great. He’s joined by Gennifer Flowers who tells the crowd that she’s had great and Jeff is great. Rock is joined by the Nation and gets a chant of “Rocky sucks”.

Shamrock starts out lightning fast and Rock sells a clothesline half the way up the ramp. If Rock get’s DQ’d he loses the belt. Rock introduces Shamrock to the ring steps. Scoop slam from Rock and he hits the People’s Elbow before it was a finisher, for the 2 count. Shamrock brings in a chair and pushes over the ref so Rocky brains him with the chair. Shamrock kicks out on 2. Shamrock hits a leaping calf kick (like D’Lo) and a powerslam for a 2 count. Ankle Lock. Rock taps out on 4.48. In comes the Nation and Shamrock belly to bellys everyone and goes back to the ankle lock. Faarooq comes out and ignores Rocky. Shamrock refuses to release the hold (the crowd is booing) so the referee reverses his decision and Rock is still the champion. Shamrock belly to bellies 3 referees that had come down to break it up. Match rating – C-. Way too short. The afterwards antics lasted as long. Probably the worst match they had. On an amusing note as they are stretchering Rock out they announce his retention of the title and Shamrock goes to attack him and he’s holding the IC belt aloft as he’s been carried away. Rock was a genius heel.

WWF tag titles/dumpster match – New Age Outlaws (c) v Cactus Jack/Terry Funk

Cactus zings Road Dogg’s head off the dumpster in the early going. RD fires back with a cookie sheet to the nogin of Cactus. Cactus misses a senton off the ring apron and bounces off the side of the dumpster. Ouch. Billy’s nose is busted early and he backdrops Funk into the dumpster. RD russian legsweep’s Cactus head first into the side of the dumpster. Funk and Cactus get the dumpster lids slammed on their heads time and time again. Billy tears off Funk’s shirt and lays in the knife edge chops. Both faces are in the dumpster but Cactus stops the lid coming down with a double mandible claw. Funk pops out with a couple of stiff shots with a cookie sheet. Cactus with a neckbreaker on RD. Funk with a neckbreaker on RD. Cactus hits a cookie sheet elbow off the apron onto Billy. Cactus throws a few toys into the ring and a ladder is in. They set the ladder up to chants of “ECW”. Cactus and Billy fight up the ladder but get pushed off over the top rope and into the dumpster (the lids were shut – ouch). Billy powerbombs Funk into the dumpster off the ring apron but Cactus has escaped out to the back. The Outlaws and Cactus fight backstage. Cactus lays out both Outlaws with a steel chair. Cactus hits a double arm DDT on Billy and lays both Outlaws on a forklift truck which Funk drives and dumps both Outlaws into a dumpster in the back. At 10.00 even Cactus and Funk are the new tag team champions. Match rating – B. Not bad and lots of brutal Cactus Jack stuff.

Undertaker v Kane

This feud has had a really long build up going back about 4/5 months to Kane’s debut but even longer to Bearer’s “murderer” revelations. This is the kind of build up for a match that just doesn’t happen anymore. Pete Rose is the ring announcer and he runs down Boston as a bunch of losers. “Last time I was here we kicked your ass. You can’t win a world series”. Pete Rose is such a heel. Kane comes out and tombstones Rose. Taker comes out to an excellent piece of classical music and druids.

Taker goes for a clothesline but Kane nails one of his own which nearly takes Taker’s head off but Taker just sits back up. Kane ties Taker in the tree of woe but just gives him a beating. Kane suplexes Taker onto the ropes and then drops an elbow off the top turnbuckle on the prone Taker. Taker covers up as Kane pummels him in the corner. Believe it or not Kane hits an electric chair drop on Taker (no it doesn’t look great). Kane works Taker over the ring steps thanks to Paul Bearer’s distraction. Kane suplexes Taker into the ring. Taker gets caught going for the flying clothesline and Kane chokeslams him for a 2 count but breaks the pin to go for more punishment. Kane slaps on a sleeper which Taker fights out of only to walk into a massive clothesline. Kane goes back to a sleeper but Taker dumps Kane onto the apron. Taker big boot’s Kane off the apron and then goes for a suicide dive over the ropes and lands through the Spanish announce table. Holy shit. Bearer tells Kane his brother is dead. Back inside Kane hits a top rope clothesline for a 2 count. Taker goes for the tombstone but Kane reverses into a tombstone of his own which he notices he’ll cripple Taker with so he just powers up Taker about 6 inches to avoid breaking his neck and then tombstones him. Awesome display of strength but it only gets a 2 count. Taker wins a fist fight and hits a chokeslam. Taker botches his tombstone so badly I thought at the time that he’d broken Kane’s neck but Kane still kicks out. Taker hits a glory leg drop and Kane sits up. Tombstone again from Taker and Kane kicks out again. Taker hits the top rope clothesline and Kane sits up again. Another tombstone from the Undertaker and that’s it at 16.58. Match rating – B. Quite entertaining for a big man match.

WWF title – Shawn Michaels (c) v Steve Austin (special enforcer – “Iron” Mike Tyson)

Shawn can barely walk thanks to a career ending back injury. This is his last match. Michaels has Triple H and Chyna at ringside. Austin is alone. Michaels prances a little so Austin gives him the finger. Michaels uses his pace in the early going as he throws a few boxing style jabs. Austin works over the leg of Michaels before he backdrops Michaels over the ropes and into Trips at ringside. Trips belts Austin so the referee boots Trips and Chyna. Austin assaults Trips as he’s leaving so Michaels jumps him. Back in the ring Michaels attempts a double axe handle but catches a fist in the guts. Michaels does a big Flair bump despite his bad back. Michaels works a head lock but Austin stun guns him out of it. Austin nearly gets a stunner so Michaels bails and Austin knocks him off the apron into the front of the announce table which makes a real solid thud. Austin goes to a sleeper but Michaels jawbreakers his way out of it. Michaels goes to wrap Austin’s leg around the ringpost but gets posted himself. Michaels backdrops Austin into the front row and waffles him with the ring bell. Michaels is in agony and whenever he thinks the camera isn’t on him it shows. As soon as he thinks he’s on camera – game face on. Michaels was a pro when he wanted to be. Michaels hurts his own back with a snap mare. Actually everything hurts Michaels back. Austin comes back with a double leg takedown and he throws Michaels over the ropes. Dear God. That must have hurt so much. Michaels wraps Austin’s knee around the ringpost. Michaels works the knee despite hardly being able to reach down to it. Michaels goes for a leg submission but gets posted for a 2 count. Michaels continues to work the knee but is in so much pain it’s amazing it’s gone this long. Austin jaws with Tyson to eat up some time and Michaels wipes his legs out with a chop block. Figure 4 from Michaels with a little help from the ropes. Austin reverses and Michaels fights out only to get catapulted into the ring post. Another 2 count for Austin. Michaels goes to a sleeper and the ref gets squashed as Austin escapes. Michaels takes another couple of back bumps to my amazement including a back body drop. There’s a double collision and Michaels nips up (are you kidding me?). What a showman. Michaels hits a beautiful elbow from the top and signals that it’s all over. Michaels goes for Sweet Chin Music but Austin ducks. Austin goes for the stunner but Michaels counters by shoving him off into the ropes and he goes for the superkick as Austin comes off the ropes. Austin catches the foot, spins Michaels round and hits the stunner. But there’s no referee so Mike Tyson comes in and counts to 3 thus ending Shawn’s career at 20.01. Match rating – B+. I’ve given extra points because of Michaels being injured. Tyson punks out Michaels and puts a 3:16 shirt over his head. Show over.

Best matches –
3. Cactus Jack/Terry Funk v New Age Outlaws. Cactus and Funk took bumps all over the place to put the Outlaws over as heels. The Outlaws joined DX the next night and never looked back.
2. Shawn Michaels v Steve Austin. Shawn’s final match was a long way from his best work but it was great to see the effort Shawn put in to put Austin over.
1. Triple H v Owen Hart. Hidden away in the middle of card was the match with the best psychology and best counters and reversals. Nice stuff and a shame the feud sort of lost it’s heat when Trips went face.

Overall PPV rating –
B-. Nothing on this PPV was really amazing but most of it was very solid and generally it was enjoyable. Trips and Owen put on a great match and I get the feeling that a fit and healthy Shawn Michaels would have made the main event a simply unmissable match.

Repost - WWF Wrestlemania 13

2008-05-04T19:01:00.001-07:00

The Furious Flashbacks – Wrestlemania 13

Or Wrestlemania the 13th as the Undertaker called it. Taker was attempting to capture the WWF title from champ Sycho Sid. The other big draw on the card was the match that I personally watched the show for – Bret Hart against Steve Austin although I was disapointed that Bret hadn’t gotten a title shot. Nevertheless it would be an important night for both Austin and Bret. What happened? Stay tuned.

This PPV will be graded according to the Furious Grading Scale. FGS grades are as follows -

A One of the greatest matches anywhere, ever.
A- Damn near perfect
B+ Excellent
B Very Good
B- Good
C+ Average
C Mediocre
C- Bad
D Terrible
F Hulk Hogan
U or Ungraded = Hacksaw Jim Duggan v Ultimate Warrior v Goldberg in a submissions only Ironman match. My worst nightmare.

Welcome to the showcase of the immortals this year from Chicago, Illinois. We get a video package “a tempest engulfs Utopia”. Tonight none of these men are smiling. This is possibly the most pissed off Wrestlemania of all time. Vince McMahon is on commentary with Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.

Tag team elimination match – Godwinns w/Hillbilly Jim v Headbangers v New Blackjacks v Doug Furnas/Phil LaFon

Hank Godwinn and Bradshaw start out with a big ass clothesline…from Hank. Thrasher tags in and catches a Bradshaw boot to the face. Bradshaw hits a pumphandle slam and tags in Phinneas. Back drop on Thrasher and Phinneas tags in Mosh. A little moshing action and in comes Phil LaFon. Flapjack from the Bangers. Snap suplex from LaFon so Mosh tags Bradshaw back in and LaFon hits a Japanese suplex. Furnas tags in and wakes the crowd up with a hurracurana on Bradshaw. Windham tags in with power on Furnas. Furnas dropkicks Bradshaw out to the floor and Windham hits a sloppy suplex over the ropes on Furnas and the ref lays the count on them. Bradshaw shoves the referee over and it seems both teams have been counted out. Jesus who booked this crap? Hank slams Phinneas onto Thrasher in the ring for a 2 count. Phinneas with a vertical suplex on Thrasher. Hank tags in and I can’t help but think the WWF was a little remiss in booting the only team that managed to pop the crowd (Furnas and LaFon). Thrasher and Phinneas exchange spit (not by kissing, urgh). Mosh hits the Jericho jump from the second rope to the floor and then throws Thrasher onto Hank on the floor in a rocket launcher type move. Thrasher misses a moonsault on Hank. Thrasher hits some sort of top rope chest splash on Phinneas and amazingly enough wins with it at 10.41. Match rating – D. Just appalling action.

Honky Tonk Man comes out for some reason (possibly because the WWF thought he was over – a mistake).

WWF IC title - Rocky Maivia (c) v The Sultan w/Bob Backlund/Iron Shiek

The Rock is green and only made his debut 4 months earlier and is already IC champ. Sultan’s fireworks pre-match are the most feeble I’ve ever seen. Rock hits a drop kick in the early going when that was a part of his offence. Rocky clotheslines the ring post by mistake while Honky Tonk Man screams at him for the rookie error. Sultan goes to a nerve hold. Zzz. Big nasty looking backbreaker on Rock. Head butt from the top from Sultan. Belly to belly slam from Sultan. Honky says that the match should have been over 5 minutes ago at 5.01. That’s impossible Honky. Sultan goes to the sleeper but Rock fights out and we have a double clothesline and the count is on. Rock actually starts a no sell defence and hits a Rocky Johnson like drop kick. Rock with a belly to belly slam which gets a 2 count. Rock floats over into a DDT and Rock climbs the turnbuckles with a top rope crossbody. Shiek distracts the ref or it was 3. Sultan pops back up with a superkick. Sultan spikes Rock with a piledriver but Rock kicks out. Rock rolls Sultan up and pins at 9.49. Match rating – C-. Bad, bad showing from Rock. He looked very green and wrestling Rikishi didn’t help. Sultan, Shiek and Backlund give Rock a good shoeing after the match so Rocky Johnson comes in and we have some action a little past it’s sell by date.

Triple H v Goldust

Trips has Chyna is his corner and Goldie has Marlena in his corner. Trips has what I like to call his “Die Hard music”. Goldie starts out fast and just mauls Trips in the early going. Trips gets tied up in the ropes and Goldie punches him in the face a few times. Goldie smacks Trips head off the ringpost and clotheslines him back into the ring. Trips comes back with a facebuster but Goldie catches the follow up off the ropes with a powerslam. Trips catches Goldie climbing the buckles and goes for a superplex which is countered so Trips pushes Goldie off and his head zings off the apron. Trips hits a top rope fist (which actually looks good) and scores a two count. Trips exposes the chest of Goldust and chops at it before stomping him again and again in the corner. Trips with a swinging neckbreaker and a 2 count. Trips goes to the abdominal stretch to wear Goldust down which of course he cheats on by using the ropes. Goldust hip tosses Trips out but Trips hits a high knee for a 2 count. Trips with a suplex on Goldust. Goldust fights back but Trips hits a DDT. Goldie gets a backslide for a 2 count and then a small package for another. Both men are tired and they take advantage of a collision to rest. Trips comes off the top rope and Goldie hits a thump with his ass. Goldie moves out of the way as Trips charges him in the corner and Trips hits the buckle. Goldie with a bulldog for a 2 count. Goldust goes for the curtain call but Trips floats over and sets up the pedigree. Goldie drops out and slingshots Trips. He goes for the curtain call again but is distracted by Chyna advancing on Marlena. He puts Marlena up onto the apron but Trips nails Goldust in the back and Chyna catches Marlena and throws her around like a freaking rag doll. Trips hits the pedigree and it’s over at 14.07. B-. Not as good as their match at the Rumble the same year but reasonable.

WWF tag titles – British Bulldog/Owen Hart v Vader/Mankind

This was right after Owen pushed a waiter into Vader at the Slammys. Owen was comedy. Vader starts off hard and heavy pummelling Owen in the corner. Owen comes back fast with a spinning heel kick to take over Vader. Owen goes for a hurracurana and Vader hits the powerbomb and has it won but doesn’t cover because he’s going for the Vaderbomb. Bulldog breaks it up and Mankind comes in. Bulldog shows his incredible power with a double clothesline on Mankind and Vader. Bulldog with a vertical suplex on Mankind and Vader runs in so Bulldog suplexes him too. Mankind goes after Bulldog with the urn but Bulldog hits a drop toe hold onto the urn. Vader goes after the urn though and blindsides Bulldog. Vader with a Bret like snap suplex on Bulldog. Vader follows up with an avalanche. Vader splashes Bulldog off the second rope but Bulldog kicks out. Mankind tags in. Mankind with a guillotine leg drop. Back drop from Mankind. Mankind and Vader have isolated Bulldog. Bulldog comes back with a slam off the ropes as Vader tries for another splash. Owen tags in with a missile drop kick. Owen goes for a sunset flip but Vader sits down and misses. Owen with a crossbody from the top for a 2 count but when he gets up Vader levels him. Vader does a Hogan ‘listening’ taunt and tags out to Mankind. Vader sets up Owen over his knee on the floor and Mankind comes off the apron with an elbow. Owen reverses a Mankind neckbreaker straight into a DDT. Wonderful stuff. Owen with a spinning heel kick which gets him a 2 count. Vader comes in and Owen hits him with a heel kick though. Vader tags Mankind back in and Owen is getting a bit isolated. Owen hits a belly to belly on Mankind on the floor. Helen and Stu Hart are at ringside. Back inside Owen hits the inziguri on Mankind. Bulldog gets the tag and cleans house.Vader has lost his mask. Mankind takes the ringpost in the head. Bulldog goes for the running powerslam but Mankind puts on the mandible claw. They both spill out through the ropes and it looks like they landed on their heads but Mankind still has the mandible claw on and everyone is counted out at 15.53. Match rating – B-. Pretty good.

Submissions match - Bret Hart v Steve Austin (special referee – Ken Shamrock)

This is the match where Austin has his “AUSTIN 3:16” glass smash in the entranceway. Austin is over before the match starts despite being a heel. Austin double legs Bret before the bell. The brawl goes straight outside and Bret shoves Austin into the ringpost skull first. Austin crotches Bret on the guard rail and Austin clotheslines Bret into the Hall of Famer’s at ringside. That gets a “Fugettaboutit” from Vince. They fight through the crowd and Shamrock follows to keep the fans at bay. Austin gets backdropped out in the fans and on some steps. They get back into ringside and Bret comes off the guard rail. Austin whips Bret into the ring steps to a huge pop. Austin comes off the apron with a right hand and the crowd is going nuts. Austin picks up the ring steps and Bret kicks him in the guts. Bret wails on Austin so Austin pulls him into the ringpost. They finally get back into the ring and Austin stamps on Bret’s fingers. Bret nails a swinging neckbreaker. Classic Bret. Elbow off the second rope. Vince is really running down Bret on commentary but JR sticks up for Bret. Bret goes to work on the injured knee of Austin. Austin gets out of the way of a Bret attack on the leg and hits the stunner but he can’t pin him it’s a submission match. Bret goes straight after the knee again and Austin is selling it well. Bret puts on the figure 4 around the ringpost. Cool. That was the first time he used it. Bret grabs the ring bell and a chair. Bret puts it on Austin’s ankle (Austin broke Pillman’s ankle that way) and the crowd goes nuts. Bret takes too long on the ropes and Austin nails Bret with the chair. Cool spot. Austin hits a suplex and a second rope elbow. Austin hits a kick into the groin. Austin with a russian legsweep (he’s stealing all Bret’s moves) but he follows through into an Octopus stretch. Nice. Austin puts Bret in a Boston crab to a big pop. Austin goes for the sharpshooter. Psychology rules. Bret of course gets out of it. They spill outside and Austin gets reversed on the Irish whip and goes through the timekeepers table and into the guard rail head first. Austin is busted. I didn’t see a blade job. Bret introduces Austin to the ringpost. Austin is bleeding all over the ring and the crowd goes nuts for the blood. Bret mounts him with punches to the busted head. Backbreaker from Bret. Elbow from the second rope and Bret gets the chair. Chair to the injured knee. Bret goes for the sharpshooter but Austin rakes the eyes. Austin hits a blatant low blow to stop getting a beating and Vince runs down Bret again. Austin is back up. Bret takes a chest first turnbuckle. Austin stomping a mudhole and walking it dry. Finger from Austin and this is so over. Superplex from Austin. Austin comes outside and gets a length of electrical cord. Austin chokes Bret but Bret grabs the ring bell and dings Austin with it. Awesome. Sharpshooter is on! We get the now famous close up of Austin bleeding while trying to power out. Austin manages to break the hold but Bret slaps it straight back on and Austin is out from the pain. Match over at 22.05. Match rating – A but its not over yet. Bret is getting popped for the win so he attacks Austin after the match. Bret gets booed and Shamrock takes him down. Bret backs off from the fight with Shamrock and the crowd boos some more. Austin struggles to his feet and stunners a ref who came down to help him. Huge round of applause for Austin and he was on his way to being the most over guy in history.

Bret gets a little upset with a fan on the way out and stops to tell him “fuck you” while giving him the finger. Bret was so set up for his heel turn the next night and it put Austin over as well. Awesome stuff.

Ahmed Johnson/Legion of Doom v Nation of Domination (Faarooq/Crush/Savio Vega)

This is a street fight and everything goes. D’Lo and the nation’s rappers (PG-13) and Clarence Mason get their asses kicked by the LOD. Faarooq takes a night stick to Animal. Ahmed sommersaults over the guard rail and wipes out Crush. Animal is trash canning everything in sight. Animal makes an absolute mess of a piledriver on the announce table. A fire extinguisher goes off at Faarooq and there is a cloud of gas at ringside. The cameras are struggling to follow the action in this one. Ahmed powerslams Faarooq through the French announce table. Monitors come raining down onto Faarooq. Savio brings in a length of rope and chokes Ahmed. D’Lo grabs the rope and chokes Ahmed over the ropes. Animal waffles Faarooq with a sign from the parking garage. Faarooq tries to hang Hawk but Hawk pulls him off the top rope. Doomsday Device on Crush. 2x4 clothesline on Crush and he’s pinned at 10.49. Match rating – B-. Decent hardcore style brawl. In a cool spot after the match Hawk hits a double Doomsday Device on PG-13.

WWF title – Sid (c) v Undertaker

Shawn Michaels comes out to commentate on the title match. Michaels always made an excellent commentator. Bret Hart comes out at the start and runs down all the participants – he calls Michaels a faker, Sid a fraud and claims his friendship with Taker is over. Sid gets pissed off and powerbombs Bret. Taker starts out fast with a load of right hands and a scoop slam for a 2 count. Top rope walk of doom from Taker. Taker goes for a stinger splash but Sid slaps on a bearhug. Yep, Sid puts on a rest hold after less than 2 minutes. 2 minutes later and the bearhug is broken. Yep, more bearhug than match thus far. Taker gets thrown into the Spanish announce table and Michaels says “I never want to sit at that table”. He’s the only reason to watch this match. Taker slams Sid onto the Spanish announce table and according to JR we’re on the set of “Twister”. Whatever. “So far tonight the loser has been the tables of the World Wrestling Federation” – Michaels. Sid goes to a camel clutch because he’s run out of ideas again. Taker rallies back but Sid hits a powerslam for a 2 count. After a little action on the floor Sid goes to the reverse chinlock. Man, Sid really has broken out the restholds tonight. Taker fires back and hits a powerslam. Nerve hold from Taker. Sid fights out and we have a double big boot. Sid mounts the buckles and hits a double axe handle and a second one but misses a third. Sid goes to the ropes again and gets caught again. Taker throws Sid to the canvas. Taker with his top rope clothesline. Sid squirms out of a tombstone and reverses for a tombstone of his own which Taker kicks out of. Bret does a run in and smacks a steel chair off Sid’s back. Shawn complains about Bret wanting the spotlight. “That’s a pot calling the kettle black” – King. Back inside Taker hits a chokeslam which Sid kicks out of the pin of. Taker, bizarrely, misses his flying clothesline. Sid goes for the powerbomb and Bret is out again so Sid nails him. Tombstone. This is over at 21.19. Match rating – C. Really mediocre. Lots of rest holds and needed Michaels and Bret Hart in some capacity to make it remotely interesting.

Best matches –
3. Triple H v Goldust. Their second match at major PPV’s and it’s not as good as the first but it’s still pretty reasonable and the Chyna dimension is explored as part of the match.
2. Bulldog/Owen v Vader/Mankind. Decent tag title match which might have reached classic preportions had it been allowed some sort of finish.
1. Bret Hart v Steve Austin. Just an awesome display of wrestling, brawling and psychology. Also the match that made Bret a heel and more importantly perhaps made Austin the biggest face since Hogan.

Overall PPV rating –
C+. An awesome Bret-Austin match was the only exceptional highlight as the other 2 of the top 3 were either riddled with interference or a non-finish. The first 2 matches are unforgivebly poor and half of the guys involved shouldn’t have been on PPV. The trash can brawl worked well as a sandwich between the submissions match and the main event but the main event was appalling. 20 minutes of rest holds.

Repost - WWF Wrestlemania 12

2008-05-04T19:00:00.000-07:00

The Furious Flashbacks – Wrestlemania 12

In 1996 the WWF was running really short on big name stars. For WM12 they brought back the Ultimate Warrior (way after he could go) for example. So to counter their lack of talent they put their 2 best wrestlers in the main event in an Iron Man match – one hour. One hour of Bret Hart against Shawn Michaels. You can stop drooling now. On the undercard we had Undertaker against Diesel for the only time in history, Warrior and Roddy Piper against Goldust (again Piper brought back because the WWF had no stars).

This PPV will be graded according to the Furious Grading Scale. FGS grades are as follows -

A One of the greatest matches anywhere, ever.
A- Damn near perfect
B+ Excellent
B Very Good
B- Good
C+ Average
C Mediocre
C- Bad
D Terrible
F Hulk Hogan
U or Ungraded = Hacksaw Jim Duggan v Ultimate Warrior v Goldberg in a submissions only Ironman match. My worst nightmare.

WWF tag titles – The Godwinns (c) v The Body Donnas w/Sunny

This is on the free for all. That’s how important the tag titles were in 1996. Both teams suck. The Godwinns bring a goat to the ring and the Donnas bring a crack whore. Hank demonstrates some early power by press slamming both Donnas. Phinneas gets a bit upset and throws one of his “fits”. They execute a nice move where Hank slingshots Skip over the top ropes and he lands on Zip who’s on the floor. Skip fails to slam Hank (blown spot anyone?) With Hank down Skip slams Zip straight into a leg drop on him. Excellent. The Donnas then execute a rocket launcher but Skip misses with the headbutt. I forgot how good the Donnas were. Shame about the gimmick. Phinneas goes for a slop drop but Sunny jumps on the apron and shows Phinneas her ass (is there anyone out there who hasn’t seen Sunny’s ass) so he gets rolled up like a chump. The Donnas win it and the belts at 5.23. Match rating – C. Short but the Donnas did some entertaining stuff.

The WWF puts on a Nacho Man v Huckster match to spoof former stars Macho Man Randy Savage and Hulk Hogan. They fast forward Hogan’s entrance because he’s so slow. King falls asleep during the match. Gene Okerlund and Ted Turner help Huckster to remove his shirt. The match ends as draw. They didn’t put this on in front of the live Wrestlemania audience.

On the free for all they do some awesome video packages of Shawn Michaels with Jose Lothario and Bret Hart training with Stu Hart. Bret talks about how he thought Savage was really good and one day he was better than Savage. He talks about Shawn being the man who will take his place but he’s not ready to go yet.

Into the event itself we’re in Anaheim, California for Wrestlemania 12. Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler are on commentary. They hype all the matches apart from the opener.

Vader/British Bulldog/Owen Hart v Yoko Zuna/Ahmed Johnson/Jake Roberts

The heel team is managed by James Cornette. If the faces win Yoko gets 5 minutes with Jimmy. Vader and Yoko start out to big heat. Yoko dumps him over the ropes and the faces have cleared the ring. Ahmed does a Yoko assisted pescado onto Vader. Owen tags in but Yoko ignores his offence. Owen and Bulldog double team Yoko and Vader tags back in. Vader hammers Yoko in the corner. Yoko comes back with a Rock Bottom and tags out to Ahmed while Bulldog tags in. Ahmed with a big powerslam but Vader blindsides Ahmed. Ahmed goes for the Pearl River Plunge but Owen snipers him with a drop kick off the ropes. Owen rules. Inziguri on Ahmed. Jake tags in, hits a short arm clothesline and calls for the DDT but Owen grabs the ropes and blocks it. Vader tags in and hits an avalanche on Jake. Owen tags in with an elbow from the top which gets a 2 count. Owen goes to a bizarre submission hold (kind of a stretch of the arms with the leg over the shoulder). Bulldog tags in with the running powerslam but Jake kicks out. Yoko and Vader are back in and Yoko pummels Vader in the corner. Samoan drop on Bulldog. Jake comes in and hits the DDT on Owen. Vader blindsides him and hits the Vaderbomb. 13.09 and it’s all over. Match rating – C+. Some decent spots but too much Vader and Yoko.

Hollywood Backlot Brawl – Goldust v Roddy Piper

Goldust turns up in a gold car which Piper beats the crap out of with a baseball bat. Goldust gets out of the car and Piper chokes him with the bat. Trash can to the head. Goldie gets introduced to a dumpster head first. Piper turns on a hose and soaks Goldust. Piper smacks Goldie in the head with a couple of stiff right hands. How stiff? He’s opened up his own hand. Goldust hits a low blow and gets into the car. Goldust runs Piper over in the car. Sweet. Apparently it was Piper although everyone claims it’s a stunt double it does look like Piper. Piper gets into his car and gives chase. The rest of the show is interspersed with shots from the chase that are actually shots from the OJ Simpson pursuit in the bronco. Match time – 4.25. But it’s not over yet so I’ll add that time onto the bit later on where it finishes.

Stonecold Steve Austin w/Ted DiBiase v ‘Latin Sensation’ Savio Vega

Austin has just grown his beard and looks like ‘classic’ Austin. Vega hits a couple of big ass chops in the early going and a sidewalk slam for a 2 count. Austin rams Vega shoulder first into the ringpost to get back into it. We get Piper on a cell phone “If he thinks this is over he’s 10 different kinds of wrong”. Back in the ring Vega hits a clothesline but hurts his own arm in the process so Austin goes into an armbar of sorts. Hammerlock and Austin slams Vega right on his arm. Vega gets a 2 count from a crossbody. Lou Thesz press from Austin with right hands and the referee starts counting. Oops. Vega hooks Austin’s arms with his legs and scores a 2 count. Austin reverses into a roll up for another 2 count which Vega flips out of into another 2 count. They fight over a backslide but Vega sells his injured arm again. I didn’t realise Vega was so able in ring skills. Austin gets caught running in with a heel kick. Vega goes for a splash but Austin gets his knees up. Small package gets another 2 for Vega. Austin actually comes off the top rope but Vega gets his foot up and Austin eats foot. Austin is taking massive back bumps in this match. Bigger than I remember him ever taking. Vega hits another big ass chop which gets the first “fugettaboutit” from Vince. Vega misses a spinning heel kick on Austin and he knocks the ref out. DiBiase distracts Vega and Austin nails him with the Million Dollar belt. Austin slaps on the Million Dollar Dream to make it look like he had it on all the time. DiBiase wakes the ref up and Austin wins by submission at 10.07. Match rating – B. Good stuff from Austin but I was more impressed with the way Vega sold the arm injury.

Diesel is interviewed by Mr Perfect “I’ll take cool of this” – Diesel. Mic skills? What mic skills?

Triple H v Ultimate Warrior

Trips is accompanied by Sable before her whole Mero escapade and their feud which began just after this. Trips is unfortunately jobber fodder in this one. King tells us Warrior weighs in at 400lbs and has shaved his head which isn’t exactly true. Trips starts out quick catches Warrior unaware. He hits the pedigree after 20 seconds or so and Warrior completely no sells Triple H’s finisher. Some crappy Warrior offence which is aided slightly by some exaggerated Triple H selling. Gorilla press drop and splash from Warrior and it’s over at 1.40. Match rating – F. Warrior sucks. Warrior is possibly the most over rated wrestler in the entire history of the business.

Backstage we’re introduced to the Wildman Marc Mero and Pettengill pronounces his name wrong. Mero is excited. He gets into a shoving match with Trips and they’re fighting. Mero would feud with Trips for a while afterwards.

Undertaker v Diesel

This is the only time the 2 best big men in the business (not my words) faced each other. The mics pick up Diesel talking “I’m the shits I’m telling ya”. The “shit” maybe. Diesel could actually move about quite well back in 1996 and his selling didn’t completely suck but that’s probably not enough to save this. It’s a brawl and Taker introduces Diesel to the ringpost. Taker looks for an early tombstone which Diesel gets out of. Taker hits a crossbody for a 2 count. Top rope walk of doom and Diesel doesn’t go over. Diesel gets sent spine first into the ringpost and Taker narrowily misses with a chair shot. Diesel puts Taker spine first into the post as a receipt. Diesel goes into the ring and taunts only to be met with a chorus of boos. Back inside Diesel hits the big boot. Sidewalk slam from Diesel and he only has one more move to do. Double big boot and both men are down. Diesel goes for the bearhug. It ends up as a side headlock which Taker suplexes Diesel out of. Taker comes off the ropes with a flying clothesline. Taker sets for a back body drop but Diesel powerbombs him. Diesel show boats and leans on the ropes instead of pinning. Another Jack Knife powerbomb and Diesel smiles at the crowd and mocks Paul Bearer but he really should have pinned there. Diesel goes to pin and Taker grabs him by the throat. Diesel breaks the choke and side suplexes him. Hey, Nash doesn’t know that move! I’ll have to call him a 4 move wonder. Flying clothesline from Taker. Sloppy looking chokeslam. Tombstone piledriver. 1-2-3. Match time – 16.49. Match rating – C+. Sluggish but not appalling there was enough interesting stuff going on to get the rating up.

Goldust v Roddy Piper continued

Out back Goldust and Piper have arrived back at the Pond. I start the timer as Piper gets back into the building. Diesel walks past the camera in the back looking pissed off. Goldust begs off and Piper runs him down into the ring. Goldie actually starts working the leg in a match that thus far has been devoid of any such thing. Goldie hits a low blow and this is about as over as Goldust got. Goldie rips off Piper’s shirt and chokes him with it. Goldie wraps Piper’s knee around the ringpost. Piper crotches Goldust on the ropes but Goldust kisses Piper. What? Oh now you pissed him off. Piper goes downstairs with a testicular claw and a knee to the crotch. Goldust has his suit stripped off to reveal womens underwear including stocking and suspenders. Another low blow and Goldust is done at 6.48 + 4.25 = 10.73 Match rating – D. Really bad. Any match where working the genitals is considered psychology cannot be good.

WWF title – Bret Hart (c) v Shawn Michaels w/Jose “Supersoc” Lothario (Iron Man match)

“One man’s sunset is another man’s dawn” – Bret Hart. Awesome promo. Shawn is up in the rafters before the match and he slides into the ring on a rope and pulley. Cool. Well I say the ring he touches down in the Clique. Bret isn’t as over as Shawn but he didn’t get such a cool entrance. He does get some pyro though. Shawn is applauding Bret before the match. You got to be kidding me. Earl Hebner gives out the referee instructions in the same style that they do at boxing world title matches. Nice touch. They should have signed UFC referee John McCarthy to do it though. Bret gives his shades to his son Blade Hart.

They start off with some lovely wrestling. Shawn with a waist lock takeover which Bret reverses into his own waistlock and Shawn fights his way out. Bret goes to a headlock but Shawn gets out of it. Shawn with an arm ringer which Bret reverses into a headlock and takes Shawn over but Shawn can’t get out like he did the last time because Bret’s learned. Bret gets a 2 off the headlock. Shawn rolls through with the headlock and picks up a 2 count also. Shawn fights out and hits an arm drag but Bret goes back to the headlock. Shawn goes for the headscissors and gets out so Bret goes back to the headlock. Shawn goes the headscissors again and Bret leans forward to avoid it. Awesome. They fight over a wristlock but Shawn wins it with a leg trip. Bret goes straight into a front face lock. Back into the headlock and Shawn gets another count from the roll through but this time only gets a 1 count. Shawn with a pair of armdrags and he goes to an arm lock. Shawn starts dropping knees into the arm. Bret tries to arm drag out of the arm lock but Shawn holds on. Drop toe hold from Bret and he rides Shawn but Shawn comes out sideways and straight into the hammerlock. Shawn stretches Bret the exact same way that Stu Hart had been in the packages they’d been running as preparation for this event. They go into the corner and Bret takes the first cheap shot to heat but then Shawn comes back with his own shots. Bret gets caught in tjhe corner and headscissored through the ropes to the floor at the 10 minute mark.

Shawn with a fireman carry takeover and he works the armlock again. Bret throws Shawn over the ropes but Shawn skins the cat back in and goes straight back to an armbar. This time a version of the Fujiwara armbar. Bret with a headbutt to the abdominal area and follows up with a leg drop. Bret with a reverse chinlock. Shawn jawbreakers his way out. Shawn hits a leg drop as a receipt for the Bret one. Fujiwara armbar from Shawn. Bret manages to turn himself over and powers up. Bret hits a spinebuster and he goes for the sharpshooter but Shawn makes the ropes. Bret dumps Shawn over the ropes with a clothesline to huge heat. Shawn posts Bret on the floor. Shawn goes for a superkick but accidentally nails the timekeeper in the face. Back inside Bret goes to the reverse chinlock again. Shawn armdrags out and follows in with a clothesline. Bret with his own hooking clothesline as a receipt and back to the chinlock. Shawn goes for a roll up but misses so he hits a drop kick and an armdrag and holds on for the armlock. We’re now at the 20 minute mark with Shawn dropping knees into the arm and stretching it out into his own armbar.

Bret stands up out of the hold and goes to step on Shawn’s face but Shawn sends him back down. Bret rolls out of it and straight into the headlock. Wicked. Shawn reverses straight into the hammerlock. Awesome mat wrestling. Bret stands up and backs Shawn into the corner and hits a pair of stiff elbows. Bret is stiffing Shawn badly at this point. Shawn throws Bret shoulder first into the ringpost and wraps his arm around the post. Shawn connects with a measured shoulderbreaker. Double axe handle from the top onto the shoulder. Hammerlock into a slam from Shawn. Shawn then rams him shoulder first into the top turnbuckle. I just caught Shawn spitting on Bret. The feud has begun. Bret strikes Shawn in the face to break out of an armlock and Shawn fires back with a jumping armbreaker. Armbar from Shawn. Shawn has been working the body part excellently. Bret turns the leverage over and stamps on Shawn’s face. Shawn levels a few elbows in the corner as a receipt for the earlier elbows. Another version of an armlock from Shawn. Bret fights out and hot shots Shawn onto the second rope. This match is getting really stiff. Bret gives Shawn a slingshot into the ringpost. Shawn kicks out at 2 and a half. Bret goes to ram Shawn’s head into the turnbuckle but Shawn reverses. Shawn goes for it again and Bret reverses sending Shawn’s head into the ringpost again. Inverted atomic drop and a clothesline for a 2 count. Bulldog from Bret. Bret goes up top and drives the knee into the back of a standing Shawn’s head at the 30 minute mark. Ivan Koloff’s finishing move incidentally.

Michaels hits a powerslam for a 2 count. Bret hits an awesome piledriver for another 2 count and the crowd boos. See, there are Bret fans. Bret goes to the ropes again and Shawn rocket launches him off. Shawn with a roll up and right hands (ala Lou Thesz). Backbreaker from Shawn (he’s stealing Bret’s moves). Bret bails to avoid Shawn’s superkick and gets a shit load of heat. Shawn hits a plancha to the floor. A huge plancha. Shawn goes for a crosbody from the top and Bret rolls through for a 2 count. They fight over a backslide but Shawn pops over and rolls up for a 2 count. Shawn hits a perfectplex for another 2 count. Shawn goes to the sleeper. Bret breaks out in the corner but Shawn goes back to it. Bret goes for the same escape but Shawn moves and Bret drives himself back of head first into the turnbuckles. Awesome receipt. Shawn whips Bret into the buckles and follows up but Bret back drops him over the top to the floor. Holy shit. Bret slams Shawn back first into the ring post. Bret is now working the back with headbutts and and irish whip into the corner. Elbow from the second turnbuckle into the back. Backbreaker from Bret. Knee to the back at the 40 minute mark.

Bret stomps Shawn’s back. Then he does his ‘working the knee rope move’ as a banzai drop into the spine. Shawn takes a Flair corner bump so Bret sidesuperplexes him for a 2 count (stiff as hell I might add). Bret with a camel clutch. Sunset flip gets Shawn a 2 count. Bret goes straight back to the back. Shawn comes off the ropes and eats fist. Side Russian legsweep for a 2 count. Shawn takes a huge Flair bump to the floor and he catches Supersoc on the way down. Sweet. Bret’s laughing and he whips Shawn into Jose on the outside and also the steel steps. Bret jaws with Jose and goes back inside. Belly to belly suplex scores another 2 for Bret. A fist fight breaks out and we have some stiff looking punches. Bret goes for a suplex but Shawn does his roll up off the ropes that was blocked earlier in the match for a 2 count. Bret kicks out so hard Shawn goes out to the floor. Bret follows up with a suicide dive through the ropes (tope I believe it’s called). Bret goes to suplex Shawn back in but Shawn floats over into a waistlock. Reversal of the waistlock from Bret and a German suplex for a 2 count. Perfect bridge. More stiff punches. Bret kicks Shawn in the face. Now you know why they hate each other. Bret goes back to the camel clutch at 50 minutes.

Shawn fights his way out after 2 minutes in it and a double clothesline puts both men down. Bret with a superplex from all the way up the top. Shawn fights his way out of a sharpshooter attempt. Single leg Boston crab from Bret. Shawn makes the ropes but Bret is very slow breaking the hold. Backbreaker again from Bret. Bret gets caught coming off the ropes and Shawn kicked him right in the face. Drop kick from Shawn – right in the face. Bret takes a big front turnbuckle. Shawn with the flying forearm and Shawn nips up. Woah. Flying back elbow from Shawn. Scoop slam. Double axe handle gets a 2 count. Suplex. Shawn is getting heat now. Top rope elbow drop for another 2 count. Gutwrench tigerbomb from Shawn. Moonsault press for a 2 count. Shawn hits a hurracurana off the ropes for a 2 count. Scoop slam with a minute to go. Shawn comes off the top looking for a double feet first drop kick and Bret catches him – SHARPSHOOTER! The sharpshooter is applied with seconds to go. Shawn holds on for 30 seconds while the crowd goes absolutely nuts. Bret keeps the belt. Or does he? Gorilla Monsoon comes in and tells the crowd there has to be a winner and we have sudden death overtime.

Bret asks “Why” on his way back to ring. Bret throws the title down – symbolism rules. Bret goes straight back to Shawn’s back. He drives knees into the spine. Huge back drop from Bret. There’s the backbreaker again. Out of nowhere Shawn hits a superkick and Bret is dazed. Shawn scores Sweet Chin Music and it’s over at 63.58. Match rating – A. If I had a higher score I would probably give it. There are those who are critical of the first 30 minutes of headlocks and armlocks but there is so much subtlety in those first 30 that the second more explosive 30 are made even more sensational. Awesome, awesome match.

Best matches –
3. Undertaker v Diesel. I think this is a demonstration as to how poor the undercard was.
2. Steve Austin v Savio Vega. Some great psychology from, to my surprise, Savio.
1. Shawn Michaels v Bret Hart. Probably the best WWF title match of all time. It made Shawn Michaels a legend. What else can I say?

Overall PPV rating –
C+. The poor nature of the undercard really brought the overall PPV rating down but I honestly believe there may never be a better World Wrestling Federation title match than the one that Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart put on in Anaheim in 1996.

Reposts - WWF Wrestlemania 11

2008-05-04T18:59:00.002-07:00

The Furious Flashbacks – Wrestlemania 11

This was the Wrestlemania that preceeded the ‘In Your House’ experience. It was back then that Wrestlemania was still a huge one off gig. The main event of Wrestlemania 11 was Bam Bam Bigelow against football player Lawrence Taylor. That someone overshadowed the WWF title match between champion Diesel and challenger Shawn Michaels. Also on the card an “I Quit” match between Bob Backlund and Bret “Hitman” Hart.

This PPV will be graded according to the Furious Grading Scale. FGS grades are as follows -

A One of the greatest matches anywhere, ever.
A- Damn near perfect
B+ Excellent
B Very Good
B- Good
C+ Average
C Mediocre
C- Bad
D Terrible
F Hulk Hogan
U or Ungraded = Hacksaw Jim Duggan v Ultimate Warrior v Goldberg in a submissions only Ironman match. My worst nightmare.

On commentary we have Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler.

Lex Luger/British Bulldog v Jacob/Eli Blu

The Blu Brothers (ha, ha) were also known later as DOA and the Harris Brothers. Luger and Bulldog hit an early double powerslam but Luger slams his opponent almost on top of Davey on the way down. Moron. Bulldog with a big ass vertical suplex for a 2 count. The Blu’s are undefeated thus far. Bulldog has a small package which should have wrapped it up but the other Blu breaks the fall. The blu’s hit a double big boot to a chorus of disapproval. Luger tags in and botches a clothesline. Uncle Zebekiah (manager of the Blu’s) distracts the ref while the Blu’s change over. Luger doesn’t notice and Bulldog still hits a sunset flip on the new guy for a pin at 6.35 and the Blu guy kicked out before 3 anyhow but no one cares. Match rating – F. Total waste of PPV time. Luger left before the team got anywhere because WCW promised him a title run. I wouldn’t have given him a european title run based on this performance.

Gorilla Monsoon talks to Jeff Jarrett about his IC title match with Razor Ramon. Jarrett calls the Roadie “Road Dogg”.

WWF IC title – Jeff Jarrett (c) w/Roadie v Razor Ramon w/1-2-3 Kid

Razor gets a couple of 2 counts from punches before sending Jarrett out to the floor. We have a lovely double fake off the turnbuckles from Jarrett before a sunset flip but Razor hits another one of those big right hands. Roadie helps Jarrett escape from the Razor’s Edge. Jarrett goes to bail but the Kid cuts him off. Roadie gets in a cheap shot so the Kid sees him off too. Jarrett gets dumped over the ropes and lands on the Roadie. Razor sets early for a backdrop and gets hit with a neckbreaker and a couple of dropkicks. Sweet strut from Jarrett. Jarrett misses an inziguri. Razor drops an elbow but misses so Jarrett rolls him straight up but only gets 2. Razor gets a 2 off a backslide. Jarrett goes to a sleeper which Razor squirms out of. Another sleeper and this time Razor suplexes out of it. We have a rather sloppy collision and both men go down. When they’re back up they both hit a punch and both go down again. What? Jarrett goes for a crossbody but gets hit with the fall away slam. Razor misses a top rope bulldog when Jarrett moves. Jarrett with a shinbreaker to work on the bad wheel of Ramon. Figure 4 from Jarrett. Jarrett cheats so Razor reverses it. Supersidesuplex from Razor but he’s selling the knee instead of covering. Ramon goes for the Razor’s Edge but Roadie comes in and chop blocks him for the DQ at 13.32. Match rating – B-. Would have been better with a cleaner ending and some better executed spots. After the match Jarrett puts that little bitch 1-2-3 Kid into the figure 4. He deserved it for drawing some blood from Jarrett’s nose.

The Undertaker v King Kong Bundy w/Ted DiBiase

Ted has the urn which he stole from Paul Bearer at the Rumble. The urn seems a little larger than I remember it. Taker hits the top rope walk of doom which Bundy doesn’t exactly sell. 3 more clotheslines and he’s down. Taker goes outside and reposseses the urn. The urn seems to have a lightbulb or something in it. Who booked this crap? Kama comes out and steals the urn for the Million Dollar corporation again. Bundy runs through some basic offence – the best of which is a scoop slam, before going to a long sleeper. Avalanche on Taker which Taker no sells. Scoop slam on the 440 pounder. Flying clothesline for the pin at 6.42. Match rating – F. Not good enough to qualify as “terrible”.

In the back Bob Backlund has lost a game of chess to Jonathon Taylor Thomas. Think he’ll beat Bret? Pettengill spends a good 5 minutes talking to football players in the audience as they continue to hype up the appearance of LT.

WWF tag titles – The Smoking Gunns (c) v Owen Hart and his mystery partner

Owen’s partner is Yoko Zuna. We have a shedload of photographers around ringside. Yoko waves the Japanese flag to a lot of heat. The Gunns work over Owen in the early going with an interesting top rope dive onto the shoulder joint. Yoko’s first run in the ring was all about power as he slams Bart with ease. Bart demonstrates the arm drag to Owen 3 or 4 times. The Gunns hit a double russian leg sweep on Owen and then a pair of dropkicks to Yoko. Nice double team neckbreaker from the Gunns on Owen. Owen takes a huge front turnbuckle. Sidewalk slam with a rocker dropper for a 2 count. I don’t remember the Gunns being this good. Owen hits a drop toe hold on Billy and he’s vulnerable to Yoko who drops a leg. Ouch. Owen posts Billy on the floor and throws him back to Yoko. Nerve hold from Yoko. Yawn. Owen misses a dropkick and instead hits Yoko. Bart press slams Owen and he even puts Yoko over but it was aided with a hair pull. Owen’s low bridges Bart on a double team and Billy walks right into a belly to belly slam from Yoko. Banzai drop and it should be over but Bart breaks the count. Owen tags in and feigns the sharpshooter but just pins Billy and it’s over at 9.39. Match rating – C+. Some interesting moments and decent double teams from the Gunns but Owen had to carry his team.

“I Quit” match – Bret Hart v Bob Backlund

Roddy Piper is the special guest referee. Piper is very over but not as over as the Hitman. Neither man has quit prior to this match (I find that hard to believe). Bret almost has the sharpshooter on inside 30 seconds. Vince can’t remember who Bret wrestled at WM8 (dumbass – it was Piper). Bret tries for another sharpshooter but can’t get it on so he goes for a figure 4. Backlund reverses so Bret makes the ropes. Bret works the leg over and goes for a leg lock. Backlund thinks about the chickenwing so Bret goes into the corner. Fujiwara armbar from Backlund. Piper is using a mic to ask the participants every couple of seconds. Nice looking elbow to the face from Backlund. Fujiwara armbar again and Bret says “hell no” to Piper. Bret comes back with a backbreaker and a second rope elbow. Sharpshooter but Backlund rolls through to use the ropes. Bret misses a shoulder into the corner and now he has a bad shoulder. Chickenwing but Bret has the ropes. Bret reverses the chickenwing into one of his own. Bret grapevines the legs and down goes Bob. The match is over at 9.28. Match rating – B-. They could have done so much more with this. Still it’s been the best match so far.

WWF title – Diesel (c) v Shawn Michaels w/Sid and Jenny McCarthy

Diesel is accompanied by Pamela Anderson despite the fact she was supposed to accompany Shawn. Diesel backdrops Shawn out of the ring before the match even starts and he poses with Pammy. These 2 used to be tag partners and were tag champs. Shawn also brought Diesel into the WWF. What an ingrate. Shawn is in selling mode from the start and sells a clothesline like a gun shot wound. Diesel hits one of the largest back drops I’ve ever seen and then he whips Shawn into the corner. One Flair bump later and Shawn wipes out a photographer at ringside. Shawn spits on Diesel to provoke him and when Diesel lumbers at Shawn he follows up with some stinging right hands. Diesel keeps throwing him off but he keeps coming back. Shawn gets out of a press slam but Diesel hits a big suplex. Shawn falls through the ropes and lands on his head. Sid gets up on the apron to mouth off at Diesel. Diesel crotches Shawn and shakes the ropes. Shawn clotheslines Diesel to the floor and skins the cat back in. Shawn hits a huge plancha on Diesel. Baseball slide on Diesel and he takes it in the mush. Another photographer takes an elbow at ringside but breaks all kayfabe rules by not selling it at all. I don’t think either guy was happy with having all the photographers at ringside. Shawn hits a big splash onto Diesel off the apron. Diesel is selling bad ribs. Shawn starts working the knee (psychology?). Shawn hits a bulldog off the top rope and gets a two count. A chant of “let’s go Shawn” breaks out. Isn’t he a heel? Shawn scores an elbow from the top into the injured ribs for a 2 count. Diesel does something that looks like the start of a northern lights suplex but it just ends in a throw. Diesel sells the ribs on a slam attempt and Shawn goes to the sleeper. Diesel is nearly out but he fights it and backs Shawn into the corner. Diesel runs through some very boring offence made entertaining by Shawn’s extravagant selling. Earl Hebner jumps down to follow the wrestlers outside and twists his ankle. Back inside Shawn nails the superkick but the referee is down. He had Diesel for a 10 count but he kicks out. Sid exposes the top turnbuckle. Shawn goes to ram Diesel’s head into it but gets suplexed by Diesel (4 move wonder). Shawn gets caught coming off the ropes – sidewalk slam. Shawn gets slingshotted into the exposed turnbuckle but misses and hits the one under it. Ouch. Big boot from Diesel. There is a very mixed response from the crowd. Loud cheers and loud boos. Really shitty jack knife and it’s over at 20.29. Match rating – B. Diesel had to be carried kicking and screaming to a half decent match. I was booing.

Main event – Lawrence Taylor v Bam Bam Bigelow

Bigelow has a load of wrestlers cheering him on from the Million Dollar corporation. LT has a load of football players which includes Mongo McMichael. Salt N Pepper are, for some reason, here so Bigelow throws abuse at them on the way out. The first intercontinental champion Pat Patterson is the referee for this one. This match is seriously over with the fans which goes to prove that everyone in 1995 who was from Hartford is a moron. LT hits a crappy looking bulldog which gets a 2 count. There is a big stand off between the wrestlers and the footballers. Bigelow slaps on the Boston crab and I notice that already 5 minutes of this has passed. LT hits a suplex which looks a bit worse than Diesel’s earlier. Bigelow hits his twisting moonsault but he’s hurt himself or this was over. LT attempts a piledriver? Or was it a powerbomb? I can’t tell it was that bad. Bigelow hits the headbutt from the top rope and LT kicks out. No way – Bret jobbed to that once. At 11.40 LT hits the buckles and a fist drop wins it. Match rating – U. The single worst Wrestlemania match, ever. Hey Vince I got an idea for you – put a celebrity with no wrestling training over one of your wrestlers at the biggest card of the year and make it the main event just to insult and slap the face of every wrestler in the locker room.

Best matches –
3. Razor Ramon v Jeff Jarrett. Clean finish and this could have been the match of the night.
2. Bret Hart v Bob Backlund. It’s Bret. That’s the only reason this match was any good.
1. Shawn Michaels v Diesel. Despite wrestling Shawn Michaels it still takes a complete carry job to produce a half decent performance from the then WWF champion.

Overall PPV rating –
C-. A PPV that really struggling to get going and when it got going it didn’t go anywhere. Main event has the dubious honour of being worse than any of Hulk Hogan’s or anyone else’s for that matter.

Repost - WWF Wrestlemania 7

2008-05-04T18:59:00.001-07:00

The Furious Flashbacks – Wrestlemania XII.

Welcome to 1991. This is where Hulkamania still runs wild and where Sgt Slaughter is the WWF champion. Obviously Hogan must no sell his way into the history books against Slaughter but before that we have Warrior against Savage in a retirement match and Jake “the Snake” faces Rick Martel in a blindfold match. Awesome. Old school. Let’s get on with it.

This PPV will be graded on the Furious Grading Scale. FGS grades are as follows –

A One of the greatest matches anywhere, ever.
A- Damn near perfect
B+ Excellent
B Very Good
B- Good
C+ Average
C Mediocre
C- Bad
D Terrible
F Hulk Hogan
U or Ungraded = Hacksaw Jim Duggan v Ultimate Warrior v Goldberg in a submissions only Ironman match. My worst nightmare.

Haku/Barbarian v The Rockers (Shawn Michaels/Marty Jannetty)

Hacksaw Jim Duggan is on commentary with Gorilla Monsoon. Haku and Michaels start out. Michaels tries to use his speed to his advantage. Plenty of leapfrogs and moves that weren’t commonplace in the WWF in 1991. Rockers use a double team hip toss into a double elbow drop and both kip up but Barbarian runs straight through them. The Rockers come back with a double superkicks. Jannetty and Barbarian take over and Jannetty manages a hurracurana with a dropkick assist from Michaels. Big double head butt from the big man team. Jannetty goes for another hurracurana on Haku but they turn it into a hot shot. Barbarian comes in and press slams Jannetty. Jannetty and Haku colide on a crossbody attempt. Ouch. Haku with a big backbreaker on Jannetty and he holds on for a second. Barbarian misses a top rope head butt. Michaels makes a very hot tag and Shawn wails on Haku and hits a crossbody on the Barbarian. Shawn with a neckbreaker on Haku. Shawn gets the sunset flip on Haku thanks to Jannetty. The Rockers go to the double teams. Drop kick into a flying crossbody from Michaels. Match time – 8.47. Match rating – B-. Solid Rockers stuff. Hacksaw is going to be replaced at ringside by Bobby Heenan.

Texas Tornado v Dino Bravo

Tornado can’t get his coat off so Dino takes advantage by beating him with a government mule. Tornado takes control with an atomic drop and goes for the claw but Bravo blocks it. Tornado gets up a head of speed but Bravo side slams him. Bravo comes off the ropes and Tornado slaps him in the claw. Spinning tornado from Tornado. Texas Tornado gets the pin. Match time – 2.47. Match rating – F. Pretty sloppy.

Warlord v British Bulldog

Bulldog manages to knock over the large Warlord (6’ 4”, 320lbs. He’s a horse). Warlord reverses a crucifix into a Samoan drop. Warlord locks in the full nelson but he hasn’t got the fingers locked. Bulldog powers out of it and Warlord is in shock. Bulldog nails the running powerslam for the win. Match time – 2.29. Match rating – F. Warlord is pathetic.

WWF tag titles – Hart Foundation (c) v Nasty Boys

Saggs works over Bret to begin the match. Bret comes back with a Lou Thesz press and right hands. Was Austin watching this? Knobbs comes in and calls for the Anvil. Anvil shoulder charges Knobbs clean out the ring. Anvil gets worked over a little and tags in Bret. Bret hits the 10 count punches on Saggs. Side Russian legsweep which Gorilla calls a neckbreaker. Elbow drop from the second rope. Bret gets double teamed and Saggs clothelines Bret to the floor. Saggs with a backbreaker on Bret. Saggs with a camel clutch. Bret stands up into a neckbreaker. Great. Knobbs comes in and elbows Bret in the back 3 times and goes back to the camel clutch. Bret stands up and back slams him. The Nasties have singled out the Hitman here. The Nasties manage to knock each other out and in comes the Anvil. Anvil with a big powerslam and all 4 men are in. Bret punks out Jimmy Hart and the Nasties collide. Hart Attack on Saggs. Knobbs nails Anvil with the megaphone of Jimmy Hart and the Nasties score the surprise win. Match time – 8.58. Match rating – C+. Only good because Bret was in it.

Jake Roberts v Rick Martel

This is the blindfold match. Roberts cuts an absolutely killer promo about snakes having 6 senses not 5. Awesome. Shame about the match. Neither man can see so Jake uses the crowd’s response to determine where exactly Martel is. When they do find each other Martel irish whips Jake and they both lose each other again. Martel slams Jake when he finds him again and misses an elbow drop. Martel finds the snake bag in the corner and scurries across the ring. Jake falls out to the floor. Back inside Martel hits a backbreaker and goes to the Boston crab. Jake powers out. DDT out of nowhere from Jake but he can’t find him to pin him. Jake finds him and at 6.11 he wins. Match rating – U. Hard to call this a match.

The Undertaker v Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka

Snuka is looking jacked but turns his back on Taker so Taker whales him in the spine. Taker lands a flying clothesline. Snuka reverses a whip but gets a knee in the corner and falls to the floor. Taker suplexes him back in. Snuka misses a big crossbody and lands on the ropes and falls to the floor again. Slingshot crossbody from Snuka but Taker catches him. Tombstone. Match time – 4.23. Match rating – C-. Too short.

Ultimate Warrior v Randy Savage w/Sherri (Career ending match)

Prior to the match Heenan spots Elizabeth in the crowd. Warrior overpowers Savage in the early going. Warrior runs through some basic offence with clotheslines and an atomic drop. Savage works doubly hard with his selling so Warrior can’t get blown up. Savage bails and grabs a chair but the referee takes it away. Warrior misses a splash in the corner and heads to the floor where Sherri hits him in the mouth. Savage comes off the top with a double axehandle. Warrior fights back and pushes Sherri over. Savage comes off with another double axehandle. Warrior gets a two count off a backslide. Warrior starts with his no sell dancing crap but completely misses a shoulder charge. Savage gets a two count. Savage goes to the sleeper. Warrior gets Savage with a small package and gets a long two. Savage sets up Warrior for Sherri to nail him with her shoe but she hits Savage instead. Warrior chases Sherri but gets rolled up for two. Savage hits the over the ropes hot shot on Warrior. Savage heads upstairs and hits his finishing move – the elbow drop, then he goes up and hits it again and again. He hits 5 elbows in all and Warrior kicks out. Warrior with horrible shaky no sell defence. Savage gets levelled with 3 clothelines and Warrior hits the gorilla press slam and splashes Savage in the back. Savage becomes the first man to kick out of Warrior’s finisher. Warrior questions his God’s because his finisher didn’t work. What a sore loser. Blaming his Gods instead of himself. Warrior walks out on the match so Savage knocks him down. Savage puts Warrior over the guard rail and comes off the top rope but Warrior moves out of the way and Savage hits the guard rail. Savage is out on his feet and Warrior delivers a few shoulder blocks and pins the exhausted Savage by standing on his chest. Epic stuff. Match time – 20.46. Match rating – A-. Spiffing.

After the match Sherri puts the boots to Savage and Elizabeth comes down to kick her ass. The crowd goes nuts and Savage and Elizabeth reunite. This was one of those moments. The crowd just eats it up and every and I mean every woman in the crowd is crying. Amazing stuff from the WWF. It’s hard to create emotions like that.

Demolition v Kitao/Tenyru

Tenyru works over Smash with some chops but misses a back elbow drop. Crush comes in and gives him a backbreaker. Smash with a side suplex. They set up a double team in the corner but Kitao comes over and breaks it up. Tenyru with an inziguri and a powerbomb for the win at 3.02. Match rating – C. Short.

IC title – Mr Perfect (c) v Big Boss Man

Perfect starts out selling a slap like a shotgun wound. Boss Man shows the kind of speed and skill that would desert him later in life. Boss Man hits Perfect so hard he knocks him clean over the ropes but Perfect sends him into the steps on the outside. Heenan lays the boots into Boss Man so Andre the Giant comes out to watch out for Boss Man. Perfect exposes the top turnbuckle. Perfect slams Boss Man’s head into the exposed turnbuckle. Perfect goes after Andre and gets knocked out. Boss Man crawls over and gets a long two. Haku and Barbarian run in and we have a DQ at 4.36. Match rating – D.

Earthquake v Greg “The Hammer” Valentine

Earthquake squashes Hammer in the corner. Comes out with a big powerslam. Hammer fights back with some chops and elbows and gets the big man down. Hammer goes for the figure 4 but can’t get it onto the massive legs of Quake. Earthquake hits a big elbow and the huge buttsplash. Match time – 3.16. Match rating – F

Legion Of Doom (Animal/Hawk) v Power and Glory (Paul Roma/Hercules)
Roma with a scoop slam on Animal. Roma gets caught coming off the ropes with the powerslam and they hit the Doomsday Device on 49 seconds for the win. Match rating – U

Ted DiBiase v Virgil

Roddy Piper is in Virgil’s corner. Piper is on crutches because he was in a motorcycle accident. Virgil stings like a butterfly. DiBiase sells like crazy for Virgil’s punches. DiBiase with a gutwrench suplex. DiBiase shoves over the injured Piper at ringside for some cheap heat. DiBiase with a running powerslam on Virgil. Piper pulls DiBiase out of the ring so Ted punks him out as any red blooded man would. DiBiase takes way too long on the outside and gets counted out at 4.51. Match rating – C-.

The Mountie v Tito Santana

They start out with a mid air collision 17 seconds in. Tito slams Mountie into Jimmy Hart on the outside. Tito with an atomic drop. The Mountie tries to run away. Mountie gets the cattle prod and jabs Tito with it. He gets the pin at 1.18. Match rating – F

WWF title – Sgt Slaughter (c) v Hulk Hogan

They start out with a bunch of headlocks and collar and elbow tie ups. The Hulkster’s first big move is a shoulder block and Sarge sells it like a nuclear strike. Sarge bails and Hogan follows only to get cheap shotted with a chair which he no sells. Sarge begs off back in the ring and then cheap shots Hogan again. Hogan pops out of an elbow drop and starts his head shaking crap. Hogan comes out with the power stuff – mostly clotheslines. Atomic drop from Hogan. Hogan rakes the back of Sarge and despite the fact he’s wearing a shirt over his skin he still sells it. Hogan zings Sarge’s head off the ring post and continues the beating with a back body drop. Hogan slingshots Sarge into the ringpost again. Hogan mounts Sarge and pounds him with right hands. Scoop slam from Hogan and a big elbow and another. Hogan heads up top. Adnon holds the leg and Sarge throws him off the turnbuckles. Sarge clotheslines Hogan over the top to the floor. Sarge goes after a chair and nails Hogan in the ass with the steel chair before choking Hogan with some wires/cables at ringside. Sarge contines to work the back (which is where the chair shot was – yeah right). Sarge goes for the Baghdad Crab and Hogan refuses to go for the rope because he wants to power out. Jesus what an egomaniac. Hogan eventually goes for the rope. What a moron. Sarge goes after the back which Hogan has further injured himself. Sarge comes off the top rope and and nails Hogan in the back. Adnon has the ref distracted though and Sarge could have won it. Sarge gets the chair and nails Hogan in the head with it. Very long 2 count on Hogan and the Hulkster is busted open. Sarge slaps on the Camel clutch in an attempt to get the submission. Hulk-a-mania looks to be over but wait Hogan powers out of the camel clutch. Sarge gets the Iraqi flag from ringside and drapes it over Hogan. Hogan gets a bit upset and tears the flag up and here comes the no selling. Big boot. Leg drop and that’s the end of that. 18.39. Match rating – C+. Basic Hogan stuff but at least Sarge worked the back for about 10 minutes.

Best matches –
3. Hart Foundation v The Nasty Boys. Bret Hart was great, shame about everyone else.
2. The Rockers v Haku/Barbarian. Shawn Michaels forces his team into second place.
1. Ultimate Warrior v Randy Savage. A demonstration of how to carry the Warrior by one of the best workers on the WWF roster.

Overall PPV rating –
C. One great match, a hot opening tag match and tonnes and tonnes of filler. 6 matches in total failed to get a grade at all. Clip those out and you’ve got a half decent show.

Repost - WWF Survivor Series 96

2008-05-04T18:57:00.000-07:00

The Furious Flashbacks – Survivor Series 1996

Shawn Michaels by November 1996 had been the WWF champion since April and Wrestlemania. He had beaten all comers to his title including the British Bulldog, Vader and Mankind. But now he faced his biggest challenge of all in the shape of his former bodyguard and friend Sid. Also at Survivor Series Bret Hart was making his triumphant return to the ring to face his tormentor over the summer months – Stonecold Steve Austin. Bret had been quoted as saying he’d be in the WWF “forever”. Sure.

This PPV will be graded on the Furious Grading Scale. FGS grades are as follows –

A One of the greatest matches anywhere, ever.
A- Damn near perfect
B+ Excellent
B Very Good
B- Good
C+ Average
C Mediocre
C- Bad
D Terrible
F Hulk Hogan
U or Ungraded = Hacksaw Jim Duggan v Ultimate Warrior v Goldberg in a submissions only Ironman match. My worst nightmare.

We’re in Madison Square Garden and it’s not a church but it’s holy ground (Bret’s promo’s rule). Vince McMahon and Jim Ross are on commentary.

Free for all – Survivor match – “The Real Double J” Jesse Jammes/Aldo Montoya/Bob Holly/Bart Gunn v Justin “Hawk” Bradshaw/The Sultan/Sal Sincere/Billy Gunn

JR and Vince hype the Austin-Hart match by saying it’s the important non title match ever. Aldo hits the Sultan with all his offence at the time – drop kicks, a flying forearm and then a pescado. Back up top and a crossbody but Sultan kicks out and that’s the end of Aldo’s offence. Piledriver from the Sultan. Camel clutch and Aldo gives up at 2.57. Holly comes in with a sleeper and a bulldog. Big belly to belly slam from Sultan. They cut away in the middle of the match for a Steve Austin pre-recorded promo. “They say people dream in black and white, it’s 3.16 Bret”. I loved this build up. Back in the ring the Sultan is slamming Bart Gunn on the floor. Bart back inside with a sidewalk slam on Sal Sincere and he’s gone at 6.29. Bradshaw comes straight in but walks into a hip toss. Holly makes a blind tag and hits a nice dropkick. We cut to Doc Hendrix who tells Austin that if he wins he goes on to face the WWF champion in December. He doesn’t care. Bradshaw with a clothesline from hell in the ring and Holly is gone at 8.10. Double J rolls up Bradshaw but doesn’t even cover past 2 and the ref counts to 3. What? Bradshaw is gone at 8.19. Double J gets the Sultan in a small package and he’s gone too at 9.19. He gets nailed with Billy Gunn’s rocker dropper. Interesting to note these 2 men went on to form the New Age Outlaws. Double J is gone at 9.33. Now it’s down to the Gunns. Billy misses a splash in the corner and brains himself on the ringpost so Bart rolls him up for 3 at 10.20 and this is over. Match rating – D. Only watching Rikishi piledrive Justin Credible at the start was any fun.

The commentary team has gained a man and it’s Jerry Lawler but he’s in action later on as part of a Survivor elimination match.

British Bulldog/Owen Hart/Marty Jannetty/Leif Cassidy v Doug Furnas/Phil LaFon/Henry Godwinn/Phinneas Godwinn

Cassidy is Al Snow. Jannetty is a complete geek – they are the New Rockers! Jannetty has hurt his ankle already. Snow and LaFon put together a nice couple of sequences including a reverse drop toe hold from LaFon. Phinneas comes in and Snow spits on him which gets him all “riled up”. Snow tags out and Owen and Bulldog mug Phinneas. Snow tags back in. Phinneas goes to the wrong corner so they kick his ass. Jannetty is back in and is still limping. Jannetty gets crotched and Phinneas tries for a suplex. Jannetty misses a leg drop from the top. Henry tags in and hits a slop drop and Jannetty is gone at 8.10. Owen pearl harbours Henry though and pins him with a spinning heel kick on 8.17. Phinneas has a fit about his tag partner getting booted. Bulldog hits a running powerslam on Phinneas and boots him at 9.02. Furnas v Bulldog now and Furnas narrowly misses a big drop kick. JR points out he’s a world class powerlifter for the second time in the match. Owen blind tags in and nearly beheads Furnas on a drop kick. Furnas comes back with a small package for a 2 count. Owen gets a 2 from a fisherman suplex. Bulldog tags in with a vertical suplex. Gutbuster from Snow on Furnas. LaFon manages to get the tag and sets up Snow for a top rope reverse brainbuster for the 3 count at 13.43. None of the announce team have any idea what to call it. Owen comes in and hits a belly to belly suplex and a neckbreaker. Elbow from the second rope but LaFon kicks out. Bulldog tags in with a low blow but claims he was aiming for the stomach. LaFon goes for a crucifix then changes his mind and boots Bulldog with a sunset flip at 17.22. Bulldog hits a chop block on LaFon before leaving and Owen works over the knee of LaFon. Dragon screw leg whip. Owen appears to be warming up for the sharpshooter. Indian deathlock from Owen and he puts him in the sharpshooter. Owen spots Furnas coming in to make the save and he belts him. LaFon hits a reverse kick from inziguri position and tags in Furnas. Tremendous drop kick from Furnas. Release overhead belly to belly suplex for another 2. Release German suplex and that’s it. Match time – 20.43. Match rating – B+

In an Colliseum video exclusive we have an interview with the future Rock – Rocky Maivia and he doesn’t call Kevin Kelly hermy once. Not once.

Undertaker v Mankind

For this match they’ve put Paul Bearer in a cage above the ring. If Taker wins he gets 5 minutes alone with Paul. Taker hits a drop toe hold (no, really) and a firemans carry takeover. An armbar from Taker. Is my tape busted or something? The Undertaker is wrestling. Taker makes every effort to break the mandible claw hand of Mankind. He sets up the hand on the ring steps and then stamps on it. They spill over the guard rail and Mankind gets backdropped back into ringside over the guard rail. Mankind hits a senton off the apron. Knee charge into the corner. Taker bites the mandible claw hand. Mankind sees a back drop attempt coming and hits a piledriver. Mankind goes for a mandible claw, Taker goes for a chokeslam, blocked and Taker goes for a tombstone but Mankind slaps on the mandible claw. Taker uses a leverage move and throws Mankind through the ropes. Mankind takes a bump off the apron and his head smacks off the steel guard rail. Taker goes back to attacking the hand. Taker hits the top rope walk of doom. Mankind comes back with a neckbreaker. Mankind comes off the top rope but gets caught and Taker choke slams him despite another mandible claw attempt. Mankind misses the apron senton the second time and hits nothing but concrete. Mankind goes for a sleeper and Taker suplexes him out of it. Mankind some sort of weapon out and hits Taker with it. Mankind climbs all over Taker in the corner but Taker stands out of it and tombstones Mankind for the 3 at 13.04. Match rating – B+. Actually a lot better than I remember it. Taker actually wrestles the match instead of brawling his way through it.

Taker should get 5 minutes with Bearer but the Executioner (Terry Gordy) comes out and assaults Taker. After they’re all gone Sunny makes her way out to replace Jerry Lawler on commentary. Oh great. Sunny – looks great, but is extremely annoying.

Goldust/Triple H/Crush/Jerry Lawler v Marc Mero/The Stalker/Rocky Maivia/Jake Roberts

Mark Henry is injured so he’s replaced on Mero’s team with Jake Roberts. “Jake wanted to be a lawyer before he was a wrestler but he couldn’t pass the bar” – Sunny. The teams make 4 tags total before there’s one single piece of contact. The Stalker incidentally is Barry Windham. The King lets Rocky kick his ass and gets punched over the top rope. Triple H and Rock go at it about 2 years too early. Trips beats the hell out of him if you were interested. Rock looks quite fat and has a chia pet on his head. No wonder people booed him. JR makes fun of Jake Roberts. “He has some hyena like qualities” – JR. King catches a DDT from Jake and is out at 10.01. The Stalker and Goldust go at it and Stalker gets a 2 count from a suplex but he gets cheap shotted by Crush. Goldust hits the curtain call and Stalker is gone at 12.44. He’d next be seen as Blackjack Windham. Mero comes in and Goldust beats him down and Trips tags in to face Mero for the first time. Trips just took Mero’s IC belt from him. The heels work over Mero and Trips puts him in the abdominal stretch. Trips of course cheats by holding onto Goldust for extra leverage. Mero comes back with a headscissors and a back drop. Jake distracts Trips and Mero hits the Merosault which is a moonsault press with the flip beforehand. Trips is gone at 19.19. The faces are now a man up but Crush tags in. Crush goes to the floor and Mero goes for a pescado but Goldust pulls Crush out of the way. Crush drags Mero back in and nails a Heart Punch for the 3 count at 20.30. Crush smacks Jake in the throat as he comes in and Crush pins for the elimination at 20.54. Rocky is now left 2 on 1 down in his first match. Crush miscues a heart punch and decks Goldust by mistake so Rocky capitalises with a flying crossbody for a 3 count on Crush at 23.13. The stunned Goldust gets hit with the shoulder breaker and Rocky wins it at 23.43. Match rating – C. Very long with lots of nothing. Essentially there to put Rock over. Worked as the MSG crowd chant “Rocky” after the match.

Bret Hart v Steve Austin

“I’m not greedy for money, I’m greedy for respect” – Bret. I loved this feud and this is the opening match. Austin starts out jawing with Bret and then gives him the double digit salute. We start out with some nice technical stuff and Bret is showing no signs of ring rust. Example – Austin with a drop toe hold and Bret comes straight out of a headlock with a hammerlock. Bret has been working the arm for the first 5 minutes of the match with mainly hammerlocks. Austin catches Bret coming off the ropes and hits a hot shot and follows in with an elbow. Austin is over in MSG. He takes a moment to taunt the crowd. Nice. Austin with a snap mare into a sleeper. Austin drops a couple of knees and goes back to the sleeper. Bret fights out and we have a slugfest. Austin wins the brawl and backs Bret into the corner. Inverted atomic drop and a clothesline from Bret as he comes back. Bret sneaks behind and rolls Austin up for a 2 count. Side Russian leg sweep for another 2. Bret goes for a bulldog and Austin shoves him off into the turnbuckle. They both block a suplex and Austin goes for a superplex but Bret blocks it and hits an elbow. Tremendous. Bret goes for a backbreaker and Austin rakes the eyes to get out. Onto the floor Bret drives Austin into the guard rail and they spill into the crowd. I hear a quiet “ECW” shout. “This one is turning into a donnybrook” – Vince. Still on the outside and Austin slingshots Bret onto the Spanish announce table. Austin follows him over with a couple of knuckle sandwiches. Austin slams Bret on the announce table and comes off the apron with an elbow drop but this is back when the tables were sturdy so nothing breaks. Austin suplexes Bret back in fakes for a sharpshooter. Austin drops an elbow off the second turnbuckle and gets a long 2 count. Austin gives the fans the finger for chanting “let’s go Hitman”. Austin goes to the abdominal stretch and the noise in the Garden is just getting louder and louder as Austin cheats. “Let’s go Hitman”. We go to another fist fight and Bret wins this time. Bret reverses a whip and hotshots Austin as a receipt for the earlier hot shot from Austin. Austin actually back bumped onto Bret’s ankle there. Bret piledrives Austin for a 2 count. Bret nails a backbreaker and the tempo is rising. Bret goes to the ropes and Austin crotches him. Austin goes for superplex and this time he hits it. Bret counters the pin and gets a 2 count himself. Bret sneaks up on Austin but eats a stunner and Austin gets only a two count because he had to pull him out of the ropes. Austin goes for another pin and can’t believe that Bret keeps kicking out. Austin puts on a Texas Cloverleaf. Bret makes the ropes and breaks it. Bret gets whipped and his leg gives way and he hits the ringpost back first. Austin puts Bret in the bow and arrow. Bret fights out and goes for the sharpshooter to a huge pop but Austin makes the ropes. Bret goes to a sleeper and Austin breaks it with a jawbreaker and Bret has broken his nose. Austin goes for the Million Dollar Dream and hooks it but Bret climbs the turnbuckles and pins Austin. Austin doesn’t let go of the hold and Bret has won at 28.40. Match rating – A. Bret hadn’t wrestled in 6 months and went nearly 30 minutes without ever looking out of shape.

Captain Lou Albano comes out to be a guest commentator. Jim Cornette also joins in the commentary.

Faarooq/Razor Ramon (Rick Bogner)/Diesel (Glen Jacobs)/Vader v Savio Vega/Yoko Zuna/Flash Funk (Too Cold Scorpio)/Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka

Snuka is a surprise and it’s over. Flash is making his debut and looks good. Flash takes Vader over the top rope with a crossbody then hits the ropes with a moonsault to the floor to chants of “ECW”. Flash goes for a hurracurana so he gets powerbombed. Yoko comes in and we have the slowest slugfest of all time. “You couldn’t manage a Wendy’s” – Cornette to JR. “I could if you were in town” – JR to Cornette. “I’m so excited I think I’m having a stroke” – Cornette. Savio tags in when Vader’s in there. That’s a mistake. Savio gets his ass kicked but tags out to Snuka. Snuka scoop slams Vader! Woah. Savio comes back in and Vader hits a low bridge. Faarooq batters Savio on the floor and Diesel hits the powerbomb. Savio is gone at 8.31. Snuka and Razor go at it and Snuka hits his splash for the 3 count at 9.26. Diesel comes in with a chair and Savio comes back out with one. Everyone spills into the ring and we have a massive brawl. At 9.54 everyone is disqualified. Match rating – C+

WWF title – Shawn Michaels (c) v Sid

Sid is over as a face and for some reason the New York crowd boo the champ. Sid starts out just drilling Shawn with big right hands to a large pop. Shawn comes back with speed and a crossbody for a 2 count. Then he goes to the headlock takeover and holds Sid down in the side headlock. Shawn slaps Sid so Sid goes to the headlock takeover. We have a fist fight and Shawn gets his ass kicked. Sid goes for a press slam but Sid gets out. Shawn goes for a back drop but Sid sees it and sets up a powerbomb and Shawn runs. Shawn fears the powerbomb. Shawn goes for the chop block to take the knee out. Shawn goes to the figure 4 and he’s really working that body part. Shawn continues to work the knee to a chorus of jeers from the MSG crowd. Shawn goes for another figure 4 and Sid just kicks him off. Shawn hits the ringpost shoulder first. Sid kicks Shawn in the shoulder therefore demonstrating some psychology. Shawn comes back with a drop kick to the already injured knee. Shawn gets knocked over the ropes but skins the cat to come back in and Sid takes him over with a clothesline. Shawn goes to the ropes but gets caught and Sid hits the backbreaker for a two count. Shawn is down but he keeps gesturing for Sid to bring it on. Shawn is playing rope-a-dope. Shawn comes back with a scoop slam. MSG is really on Shawn’s case here. Shawn misses a double axe handle. Sid puts the Cobra clutch on. Shawn gets out of chokeslam with a rake of the eyes and goes for the superkick but Sid catches his leg and spins him round and goes for the chokeslam again. One arm chokeslam. Sid goes for the powerbomb and Shawn rolls him up for a 2 count. Sid with a big powerslam. Shawn comes back with a flying forearm and nips up only for Sid to plow him down with a clothesline. Sid grabs a TV camera and Jose Lothario gets on the apron to complain so Sid belts him in the chest with it. Shawn hits the sweet chin music but Jose is down and Shawn goes to check on him instead of pinning Sid. Sid comes out after Shawn and back inside Shawn wipes out Earl Hebner with a crossbody. Sid grabs the camera again and waffles Shawn with it. Powerbomb and a pin for the win and title at 20.02. Match rating – B+. Only Shawn Michaels could carry Sid to a match this good.

Best matches –
3. Doug Furnas/Phil LaFon/Godwinns v Owen Hart/Bulldog/New Rockers. Owen and Bulldog are good enough but put them with Furnas and LaFon and you have a great match. Shame they never got Furnas and LaFon over because they were a great team.
2. Shawn Michaels v Sid. Shawn manages to carry Sid for 20 minutes. That’s not easy people.
1. Bret Hart v Steve Austin. At the time I just thought it was great because my 2 favourite wrestlers were going head to head. Now it’s brilliant on so many other levels because it’s a great wrestling match and a great contest. Probably not even the best they had either.

Overall PPV rating –
A-. Hart-Austin was nothing short of excellent and every singles match was worthwhile not to mention some entertaining filler in the elimination matches. Good show. Perhaps the best Survivor Series ever.

Repost - WCW Starrcade 99 (original version)

2008-05-04T18:55:00.000-07:00

I re-did this and did a much better job of it last year. This version I'm posting so show how things have changed in terms of my opinions and wrestling in general. I over-rated pretty much every match on this show but because there's no snowflakes you'd never know. My second review. Ah, bad times. Great memories.

Furious Flashbacks 2 – WCW Starrcade 99

Welcome to the Furious Flashbacks. Glad you all enjoyed our last trip back in time to 1998 and the King of the Ring. I decided to do something a bit different for the second one and head south to Ted Turner’s WCW. We’re back in the 90’s again here to capture the final PPV performance of Bret “Hitman” Hart. As a Bret Hart fan I wasn’t happy to see Bret go out the way he did – i.e. screwed by an errant Goldberg kick. This is the PPV that it happened on. To see what else was going down in the wacky world of WCW – stay tuned.

This PPV will be graded on the Furious Grading Scale. FGS grades are as follows –

A One of the greatest matches anywhere, ever.
A- Damn near perfect
B+ Excellent
B Very Good
B- Good
C+ Average
C Mediocre
C- Bad
D Terrible
F Hulk Hogan
U or Ungraded = Hacksaw Jim Duggan v Ultimate Warrior v Goldberg in a submissions only Ironman match. My worst nightmare.

As Tony Schiavone and Scott Hudson (and Bobby Heenan) talk about the greatest Starrcade ever (I’m guessing they mean this one?) Well I think they’re wrong already. Opening match features Disco Inferno. Anyway tonight features Nash v Sid in a powerbomb match and Bret v Goldberg in a face v face main event.

Disco Inferno/Lash LeRoux v Big Vito/Johnny The Bull w/Tony Marinara

Tony Marinara went on to become bump machine Tony Mamaluke in ECW as one half of the FBI with Little Guido. Everyone else in this match went on to do nothing. The Italians work over Lash for a few minutes before Disco gets the hot tag to a huge pop. Hmm. I guess WCW’s fans were one of the reasons why it failed. Disco then gets isolated by the heel tag tactics of the Italians. Some nice double teaming puts the “Goon Squad” over as my personal favourites in the match. A big boot leads straight into a neckbreaker. I timed this – they double teamed Disco for over 4 minutes before Lash got back in. The guys in this match try some innovative stuff but more often than not they botch it. Johnny The Bull attempts a Lance Storm leap to the top rope only to fall off. Disco Inferno accidentally gives the Stunner, I mean “Last Dance” to Lash by mistake. Big Vito nails an Edge style DDT on Lash and the Goon Squad wins it thanks to Disco’s own mistake. The Italians pull out a body bag and load Disco Inferno in it. Match grading – C- too many mistakes but I have to praise the attempts at great moves. Shame the best wrestler in the match was outside on the floor for the whole time.

Out the back Disco is loaded into the trunk of a car by the Italians and they drive off. “Disco Inferno was 25” – Bobby Heenan. The announce team work a link by talking about the forthcoming matches while the crowd screams like a bunch of lunatics. What were they putting in the sodas down in Atlanta? Fat Tony Schiavone announces that Scott Hall has been stripped of the US title and it has been awarded to Chris Benoit. Sounds like on the fly booking to me. Out comes the Crippler – Chris Benoit. He is the new United States Heavyweight champion without wrestling for it. The crowd boo while Scott Hudson talks about it being a popular decision (did that guy actually listen to the crowd?) Benoit claims he didn’t want it that way and he wants a ladder match here tonight against anyone. Segment rating – F. Completely worthless. It didn’t work the crowd like it was supposed to.

Evan Karagias v Madusa (Cruiserweight title and a battle of the sexes)

Madusa is Alundra Blayze from the WWF. Evan Karagias is a tool. Madusa kicks off with a crossbody before Evan even got into the ring. Madusa gets whipped into the ring steps but gets back into it right away. Evan doesn’t spare the woman anything and slams and punches her as much as he would a male opponent. Madusa is fighting for credibility apparently. Madusa botches a simple bridge spot and then botches a powerbomb so badly she nearly cripples Evan. The crowd is actually chanting “boring” at this point. Spice (Evan’s valet) distracts Evan and Madusa attacks him from behind. Spice hits a low blow that Evan doesn’t notice. Madusa nails a German suplex for the win and the belt. Match rating – F. Goddamn awful. They missed more spots than they hit.

Mean Gene interviews Norman Smiley backstage about his match with Meng for the hardcore title. Smiley cuts a funny promo before warning a producer not to make any sudden movements because “he’s a coiled spring”. Hilarious. Norman tells Mean Gene that he’s soiled his pants. Segment rating – B+. It set up the match in a few seconds of comedy.

“Screamin’” Norman Smiley v Meng (Hardcore title)

Smiley wears full football gear including a helmet to protect himself. He starts screaming before the match has even started. Meng batters Smiley with several hardcore weapons (the trashcan – classic). They fight backstage and Smiley nails Meng with a chair but doesn’t get him down. Smiley keeps hitting Meng but Meng keeps ignoring him. Smiley gets slammed through a table. Fit Finlay then comes in out of nowhere with Brian Knobbs and they attack Meng. Meng fights them off until Finley lays Meng out with a steel pipe. Smiley drags himself out of the wreckage of the backstage set and pins the unconscious Meng. Match rating – D. Although it was nice to see Nick Patrick get the Tongan death grip after the match. Apart from that it was basically trash cans for a couple of minutes.

Oklahoma has a mic backstage but he’s jumped by the Misfits. Dr Death Steve Williams is wrestling Vampiro tonight. Meanwhile David Flair opens a present and discovers a gold crowbar. Segment rating – C.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan cuts a “promo” about the upcoming 8 man tag where he has 3 mystery partners against the Revolution.

The Revolution (Shane Douglas/Dean Malenko/Perry Saturn/Asya) v Hacksaw Jim Duggan + 3 guys.

The Revolution are playing the role of American hating jerks. Douglas cuts a quick promo and out comes the mystery team. They are the Varsity Club. Rick Steiner, Mike Rotundo and Kevin Sullivan with cheerleader Kimona Wanalaya. Douglas goes on commentary because the Revolution can win without him. Duggan looks like a tramp. Duggan doesn’t tag anyone and fights first Malenko then Saturn. Saturn misses a big moonsault. After a triple team the Varsity club come piling in. The Varsity club clear the ring and then kick Duggan’s ass. It’s a heel turn after 10 minutes as faces. Shane Douglas comes into the ring from commentary and pins Duggan and the only audible sound from the crowd is applause. What a company. Match rating – D. Malenko was wasted in an 8 man tag and it didn’t make any sense. Horrible.

Backstage the Misfits have Oklahoma locked in a cage so they can make sure Vampiro can get him later.

Vampiro v Dr Death Steve Williams

Vampiro gets 5 minutes with Oklahoma if he wins the match. Oklahoma has his mic on the whole match. For those of you who didn’t follow WCW in it’s final days Oklahoma was a parody of Jim Ross as is all his comments along with Fat Tony’s bad comments. Williams focuses on taking out the legs of Vampiro. Vampiro’s selling isn’t exactly great though. WCW has 4 commentators on this match and it’s a mess. The Misfits come into the ring and Williams beats them mercilessly including a massive back drop over the top rope. Williams does manage a nice suplex out of a Vampiro spin kick. Williams mounts Vampiro and pummels him with right hands but apparently that’s breaking the rules in WCW and Charles Robinson tries to get him off. Williams takes exception and nails Charles Robinson. Vampiro is down but has won the match. Oklahoma now has to face 5 minutes alone with Vampiro. The crowd is chanting “bullshit”. Well to be fair to them it was a BS DQ. Oklahoma gets in there and Fat Tony says “business is about to pick up”. Oh you’re so funny Fat Tony. Oklahoma assaults the fallen Vampiro who must have taken all of 3 moves in his match with Williams. Vampiro sells more for Oklahoma than he did for Steve Williams. Eventually Vampiro gets back into it with a Rock Bottom. Vampiro and the Misfits beat the hell out of Oklahoma in a 5 on 1 beating. Vamp hits the Nail in the Coffin and it’s over. Match rating – C- The Misfits suck.

Backstage (again) Booker T claims that Harlem Heat and Midnight are an unstoppable team. Stevie Ray tells Booker T that he won’t watch his back tonight and he walks off. It’s at this nonsensical point that I realise Vince Russo is booking the show. That actually explains a lot.

Tag team title number one contenders match – Harlem Heat v Creative Control (the Harris Brothers)

Stevie Ray doesn’t show up so it’s Booker and Midnight against the Harris Brothers. Midnight looks like a muscular black Chyna. As Curt Hennig tags in I realise it’s actually meant to be a 6 man tag. Stevie Ray comes out and tries to talk to Booker T but Booker ignores him as he isn’t looking for a tag. Midnight takes a beating for most of the match. Booker gets a hot tag but Hennig nails Booker with brass knuckles. Stevie Ray is busy arguing with Midnight. Stevie Ray walks off as soon as he’s sure the match is over. Creative Control are the number one contenders. Match rating – C. At least Hennig was in the match.

Backstage Dustin Rhodes and Jeff Jarrett are fighting and it’s the start of…

Dustin Rhodes v Jeff Jarrett (Bunkhouse Brawl)

Jarrett loads Rhodes into a wheelbarrow. Jarrett wheels Rhodes into the security railing. Rhodes hard slams Jarrett into the wheelbarrow and that’s the end of that prop. Rhodes gathers together some weapons and we head for the ring. Rhodes breaks a stick over Jarrett’s back. The classic Rhodes weapon – the cowbell on a bullrope. Rhodes clocks Jarrett with the bell over and over again. Jarrett clocks his head off the ring post courtesy of Rhodes again. Back in the ring and Rhodes breaks out ‘powder’ which he throws in the face of Jarrett. Rhodes then takes his belt off and whips Jarrett. Then he whips the ref. Then he tapes the referee to the ropes and gags him. Jarrett gets back into it with a low blow and starts wearing out Rhodes with the belt. Hennig comes out to untape the referee. Jarrett breaks a stick over Rhodes back as a receipt. Jarrett slaps a sleeper on Rhodes. After Rhodes escapes Hennig starts interferring on Jarrett’s behalf. Rhodes does his corner groin kick on Jarrett but the referee is pulled out by Hennig. Rhodes gives Hennig the corner groin kick and that should end the interventions. They fight into the entranceway where Hennig gets back into it only for Rhodes to bulldog him on the floor. Jarrett climbs the ladder that’s set up for Benoit’s ladder match later with his acoustic equaliser. He nails Rhodes with the guitar and this one is over. Match rating – B. Best match on the card thus far.

Backstage David Flair attacks a soft toy with a crowbar. Hello?!?

Diamond Dallas Page v David Flair (Crowbar on a pole match)

Flair jumps Page before the match starts by coming through the crowd and nailing him with a crowbar. Page is down on the floor and not moving. Page drags himself into the ring and Flair works the back that he just hit with the crowbar. Flair demonstrates a few nice wrestling counters before nailing DDP with a DDT. DDP is worn down and Flair slaps on the figure 4 leglock. DDP reverses it and Flair breaks the hold. Flair goes and gets the crowbar from the pole but out of nowhere comes the Diamond Cutter. He never saw it coming. Match rating – C+. Not bad considering how green David Flair is. After the match DDP tries to batter Flair with a crowbar and Daffney comes out to protect Flair. It’s Daffney’s debut so the announcers don’t know who she is.

Sting v Lex Luger

Sting is accompanied by Elizabeth who used to be Luger’s valet and Sting is fighting for her freedom from Luger. Interesting to note that although most of them sucked Russo did give everyone a storyline. On their way out Sting gives Liz some new mace. Luger starts off fast but keeps stopping to taunt Liz. “Clothesline-o-mania” – Fat Tony. Worst commentator of all time. Liz grabs the can of mace and goes to check on the fallen Luger. Sting has worked out that Liz cares about Luger and taps her on the shoulder. Liz attempts to use the mace that Sting gave her but it’s silly string. Sting tells Liz to get the hell out. Sting nails Luger with 2 Stinger splashes and goes to put on the sharpshooter. Liz comes into the ring with a baseball bat. Sting tells her to put the bat down and goes back to the sharpshooter but Liz picks the bat back up and nails Sting with it. The referee calls for the DQ and Luger attempts to break Sting’s hand under a chair. Match rating – U. A perfect example of what happens if you let old wrestlers wrestle a match on a PPV. Luger should be shot.

Kevin Nash v Sid Vicious (Powerbomb match)

This is a typical Nash match. Not much entertainment. They spill out to the floor and Sid goes for the powerbomb outside the ring but Nash gets out of it. The referee gets squashed in the corner and Sid powerbombs Nash. Jarrett comes out of nowhere and nails Sid with a guitar. Nash tries to powerbomb Sid but he can’t get him up. So instead of doing it he just tells the referee that he powerbombed him and the referee believes him. The referee believes him. Dear God. Match rating – what match?

Chris Benoit v ? (Ladder match for the US title)

Benoit’s opponent is…Jeff Jarrett. Jarrett is wrestling his second match of the night and seeing as his other match was the best on the card so far I think that’s great news. Before the ladder is even in the ring Benoit has superplexed Jarrett. Benoit goes for the ladder. Jarrett drop kicks the ladder into Benoit before he makes the ring. Then he comes outside the ring and drops Benoit onto the ladder which is hanging out of the ring. Jarrett sets the ladder up in the corner but Jarrett is reversed into the ladder. Benoit has been cut somewhere around the nose. Benoit tries to go for the belt and Jarrett takes him down onto the ropes. Jarrett props the ladder up again and Benoit is thrown into it. Jarrett puts Benoit up onto the ladder as it’s propped in the corner with Benoit’s leg going through the steps and then Jarrett pulls it out of the corner with Benoit attached. Nice spot but it was better when Benoit re-did it with Jericho. Benoit hangs Jarrett upside down on the ladder while Benoit is climbing on the other side. Jarrett pulls it over with himself attached. Benoit is then tipped off the ladder and onto the ropes. Benoit then pushes Jarrett off the ladder in the opposite direction and Jarrett is crotched. Benoit gets up the ladder again and Jarrett climbs the turnbuckle. As Benoit is at the top of the ladder reaching for the belt Jarrett drop kicks the ladder away. Benoit goes straight south. Nice spot. Benoit is whipped into the ladder but rolls under it before popping up on the other side, coming off the ropes and drop kicking the ladder into Jarrett’s face. Benoit has the match won but he just can’t resist a diving headbutt from the top of the ladder. He goes straight back up and gets the belt. Match rating – A-. It’s not often you see a ladder match complete with psychology because it’s not easy to do. Plus Jarrett wrestled 2 good matches in one night.

WCW World title –
Bret “Hitman” Hart v Bill Goldberg

The two men shake hands before the match starts. They start with a test of strength which Goldberg wins, twice. Bret gets Goldberg in a headlock and takes him down to the mat. Goldberg powers out of it. Goldberg lifts Bret up into a Gorilla press and slams him over his shoulder. Goldberg keeps knocking Bret down with clotheslines. Goldberg with a rolling leg lock but you can’t outwrestle Bret who counters it into a sharpshooter which Goldberg powers out of. The referee takes a bump out on the floor and this has turned into a brawl. Charles Robinson has come out to ref the match. Goldberg is using the announce table and the security railing to wear Bret out. Back into the ring and Goldberg uses the big boot. Goldberg slams Bret and knocks out referee Charles Robinson. Goldberg tries to spear Bret in the corner but Bret moves out of the way and Goldberg is down. Bret goes to the outside and attempts a figure 4 around the ringpost which Goldberg ignores. Goldberg fails to grab the leg and Bret falls on his head. On concrete. Goldberg is a tool. “Goldberg blocked it partially”. Jesus Christ. How can you justify that? Bret is down on the floor holding his head. That could well have been a concussion. We’re onto our third referee of the encounter. Bret smells blood and starts going after the leg of Goldberg. After a few strikes to the knee Bret works in a figure 4 leglock. Goldberg appears to be busted open. Goldberg turns the figure 4 over and Bret breaks the hold. Bret manages to knock another referee out and Goldberg nails Bret in the face with a stiff kick. That did give Bret a career ending concussion because Goldberg didn't bend his leg. Asshole. Spear on Bret. Roddy Piper comes out to officiate the match! Bret goes back to the leg and puts him in the sharpshooter again. Piper calls for the bell as soon as the sharpshooter is applied. Piper gives the belt to Bret and Goldberg got screwed. Excellent. Match rating – B. Bret Hart was awesome working the body part.

Best matches –

3. Goldberg v Bret Hart. Somewhat short considering the importance of the match but any Bret Hart is better than no Bret Hart.
2. Jeff Jarrett v Dustin Rhodes. Despite the Hennig run in this match had a good flow and I think Jeff Jarrett worked some fine selling into it.
1. Chris Benoit v Jeff Jarrett. Ladder match with psychology as opposed to big spots. Doesn’t always work but look who was in this match.

Overall event rating – C. I have to call this event mediocre because of all the crap I had to sit through before I got to Jarrett, Benoit and Bret Hart. In fact if you took those 3 guys out of the show you have nothing.

Any suggestions for future flashbacks? You know where to find me.

“You like the old shit?”

Arnold F

Repost - WWF Royal Rumble 2000

2008-05-04T18:54:00.000-07:00

What really irks me is I re-did all these for the purpose of archiving them on FuriousRage.com. I re-did the format and I switched to snowflakes. And now there's no FR that version doesn't exist. Balls.

The Furious Flashbacks – Royal Rumble 2000

Welcome to 2000 one of the best years in wrestling history simply because everyone was on their game. Want a demonstration? Check out this PPV featuring Cactus Jack in his almost final match against Triple H for the WWF title in a street fight. This was also the night for a big debut. But who’s was it? Stay tuned.

This PPV will be graded on the Furious Grading Scale. FGS grades are as follows –

A One of the greatest matches anywhere, ever.
A- Damn near perfect
B+ Excellent
B Very Good
B- Good
C+ Average
C Mediocre
C- Bad
D Terrible
F Hulk Hogan
U or Ungraded = Hacksaw Jim Duggan v Ultimate Warrior v Goldberg in a submissions only Ironman match. My worst nightmare.

We’re in Madison Square Garden for the Royal Rumble. Jim Ross and Jerry “The King” Lawler are on commentary.

Kurt Angle v Mystery Opponent

The WWF had sworn for weeks that the mystery opponent would not be Taz. Kurt is still unbeaten in the WWF at this point in time. The mystery opponent is obviously Tazz. The crowd goes completely mental for the arrival of the former ECW world champion. It’s one of those moments that made me mark out too. Tazz wastes no time in back dropping Kurt to the floor. Angle suplexes Tazz on the entranceway. Back inside Angle hits a belly to belly suplex. Angle gets crotched on the top rope and Tazz superplexes Angle to the mat. Angle pulls off a near fall with an inside cradle. Angle with a German suplex on Tazz and gets a long two count. Release overhead German Tazzplex. Front head and arm Tazplex. T-bone Tazplex. Tazzmission and he’s choked Angle out at 3.14. Match rating – B. Hot start and the crowd went nuts for Tazz on his WWF debut. Angle gets wheeled out by paramedics. Shame they never embellished on the impact of the Tazzmission but there ya go.

Table match – The Dudley Boys v The Hardy Boyz

Both members of a team must be driven through tables for the win. Buh Buh Ray is still stuttering. Buh Buh tells the New York crowd that his new hero is John Rocker. Controversial. Huge Buh Buh bomb on Jeff early on and in come some tables. Buh Buh nearly back body drops Jeff through a table but misses. Matt with a DDT on Buh Buh and he rolls outside but Jeff flies over the rope and onto Buh Buh on the floor. Jeff nearly knocks Buh Buh’s head off with a chair shot. Jeff comes off the rail and gets a table in the face. The Hardys aim to suplex Buh Buh through a table but D-Von moves the table. Matt pulls out a ladder from under the ring. Ladder clothesline and the Dudleys are down. Matt sets Buh Buh up on a table on the floor and climbs the ladder while Jeff ascends the turnbuckles. They both come crashing through Buh Buh and now all they need is D-Von for the set. Chants of “Holy shit” from the NYC crowd. The Hardys start setting up tables using the ring steps and put D-Von on it. Matt and Jeff both miss huge moves (Matt from the turnbuckle and Jeff through the ropes). Two more broken tables courtesy of the Hardys. The Dudleys take the ring steps into the ring and stack a table on it. Matt Hardy gets super-table-bombed and we’re down to the final fall, so to speak. All 4 men head out into the crowd. Buh Buh Ray stiffs Matt with a chair shot. The Dudleys start stacking tables in the entranceway. Buh Buh Ray stiffs the shit out of Jeff with a chair shot and he drags him over the entranceway. They’re up about 10-12 feet. Jeff chair shots Buh Buh off the balcony and he crashes through 4 tables. Matt sets up tables on the ground and lays D-Von on one. Jeff nails the Swanton Bomb from the balcony and the Hardys take it in 10.20. Match rating – B+. Very cool and a pre-cursor to those super TLC matches.

Miss Rumble 2000

This is basically a beauty pagent type thing. Sgt Slaughter and Fabulous Moolah are among the panel of judges as is Classy Freddie Blassie. The contenders are Ivory, Jackie, BB, The Kat, Luna (yeah really) and Terri. Terri is the most attractive but Jackie adds a little sass. Unfortunately there’s a late entry and it’s Mae Young. Mae decides to take her tits out and ick. The judges vote in favour of Mae Young and she’s won while Mark Henry tries to cover her up. Segment rating – C. Amusing and King was entertaining as the compere.

IC title (undisputed) Chris Jericho (c) v Chyna (c) v Hardcore Holly

Jericho and Chyna were co-holders prior to this match up so Jericho is trying to become the undisputed champion (strange how that works given what happened at the end of 2001). I feel bad for Hardcore though. He doesn’t have a belt and he gets killed off in the first 5 minutes of Operation Sandman – Warriors in Hell. Holly shoves Chyna aside and slaps Jericho. He’s my hero. Holly nails his picture perfect dropkick on Jericho. Holly goes for a hurracurana and Jericho reverses into a Walls of Jericho. Chyna breaks it up and that doesn’t sit well with the MSG crowd. Holly and Chyna spill out to the floor so Jericho planchas down onto them. Chyna nails Jericho with a DDT back in the ring and scores a two. Chyna hits a pedigree on Holly but Bob kicks out. Holly puts Chyna on his shoulders and Jericho hits a crossbody from the top off his shoulders. Chyna manages to crotch both the guys on the top rope while Jericho was attempting a superplex. Chyna superplexes Holly. Chyna KO’s Holly with a steel chair and puts him in the Walls of Jericho but Jericho takes offence and bulldogs her out of it. Jericho hits a lionsault and scores the 3 at 7.32. Match rating – B-. Any match where Jericho goes over Chyna has to be decent.

WWF tag titles – The New Age Outlaws (c) v Acolytes

Bradshaw starts out by catching Billy Gunn, then he kicks Road Dogg in the mouth and then he fall away slams Gunn. He’s a horse. Road Dogg gets isolated of course. RD goes for his shaky knee drop and Bradshaw pulls his hair. Billy comes in and Bradshaw hits the clothesline from hell. Gunn pulls the ref out while Faarooq has RD pinned. RD gets a double powerbomb but the ref is down. X-Pac does a run in and nails Bradshaw. Billy comes back in and hits the Fame-Ass-er on Bradshaw for the pin and the 3 at 2.35. Match rating – D. Nothing much doing here.

WWF title – Triple H (c) v Cactus Jack

Cactus starts out jawing with Triple H but they soon start into a brawl. They spill out to the floor early and Cactus hits a neckbreaker. Cactus drops the leg on him as he comes back in. Cactus bounces Triple H’s head off anything he can find at ringside. Triple H grabs the ring bell and KO’s Cactus Jack. Triple H grabs a chair and Cactus charges him. Triple H nearly knocks his head clean off. Cactus gets back up though and puts the chair over Triple H’s face and drops a leg on it. They go to the floor again and Triple H gets backdropped into the crowd. They fight through the crowd and come out in another entranceway. Cactus sets up a pallet and suplexes Triple H on it. Triple H has a gash in his leg and begins bleeding heavily. Triple H fights back with a suplex onto a trashcan. Triple H notices his leg is busted and goes into shock. Cactus drives his knee into Triple H’s face while Triple H is up against the ringsteps. Ouch. Cactus goes under the ring and produces a 2x4 wrapped in barb wire. Triple H gets it off him though and drills Cactus in the stomach and the back. Cactus gets it back and hits a low blow on Triple H with it but the ref takes his barbed wire bat away. Cactus can’t find the 2x4 and intimidates Earl Hebner to find it and pulls out the 2x4 again. Cactus nails Triple H in the face with the barb wire 2x4. Triple H is busted wide open. So Cactus nails him again. They get a lovely close up on the barb wire poking Triple H in the head. Cactus goes after the head wound with right hands. Triple H’s face is a crimson mask. They go to the announce table and Cactus goes for a piledriver but Triple H back drops Cactus through the table. Both men down and Triple H is bleeding profusely. Cactus bulldogs Triple H onto the barb wire 2x4 and gets a 2 count. On the outside Triple H hip tosses Cactus into the ringsteps and it looks like it would have broken his leg. Triple H picks him up and whips him into the steps knees first. Ouch. Triple H, cerebral assassin that he is, goes after Cactus’ knees with a couple of chop blocks. Triple H gets the barb wire 2x4 and drills Cactus in the knee with it. Triple H gets some handcuffs out and cuffs Cactus (as a tribute to Rock cuffing Mankind at RR99). Triple H brings the ring steps in and Cactus drop toe holds him into them. Triple H levels Cactus with a chair so hard he breaks the chair. Cactus crawls into the entranceway and Triple H waffles him with the chair again. At this point the Rock runs in and belts Triple H with a chair. Rock unlocks Cactus Jack and we have a fair fight again. Triple H's hair is now red from blood. Cactus piledrives Triple H on the spanish announce table and it doesn’t break. Ouch. Cactus goes under the ring again and pulls out a bag of thumbtacks. Cactus gets back dropped into the tacks though. Ouch, again. Triple H hits the pedigree but Cactus kicks out (I believe he’s the first ever to do that) so obviously Triple H pedigrees Cactus into the thumbtacks and takes the win at 27.12. Match rating – A. Awesome, brutal match that made Mick Foley able to retire happy.

Royal Rumble match

No 1 is D’Lo Brown, No 2 is Grand Masta Sexay. The crowd is so dead, or in shock at how good the last match was. D’Lo goes for the Sky High but GMS reverses into a hurracurrana. No 3 is Headbanger Mosh. Mosh is sporting Madonna style chest cones. Kaientai (Taka and Funaki) do a run in and get dumped. D’Lo hits the Sky High on Mosh which knocks his cones off. Mosh has injured his ankle. No 4 is Christian. Christian hits an inverted DDT on Mosh. GMS hits a nice suplex on Christian. No 5 is Rikishi.

Rikishi dumps Mosh and we have our first exit. Christian is dumped by Rikishi also. Rikishi driver on D’Lo and he dumps D’Lo. No 6 is Scotty 2 Hotty and the hip hop trio dance but Rikishi back stabs them both and dumps them both. Tremendous. No 7 is Steve Blackman. Blackman is lethally boring and he takes Rikishi down. Rikishi nails the Rikishi driver on Blackman however and dumps him to once again be alone in the ring. No 8 is another big man – Viscera. Vis hits a belly to belly but he can’t get Rikishi up and over. Rikishi dumps big Vis though with a running clothesline. No 9 is the Big Boss Man. Boss Man wastes his 90 seconds out on the floor. No 10 is Test.

Test and Boss Man fight on the floor. No 11 is the British Bulldog. Bulldog is wearing jeans instead of tights. No 12 is Gangrel. Gangrel spits his blood and gets his ass kicked by Boss Man and Test. Kaientai do another run in and get dumped again. Taka destroys his shoulder on landing and is out for about 6 months I believe. No 13 is Edge who enters to a massive pop. Rikishi hits the bonzai drop on Boss Man. No 14 is Bob Backlund. Bob smiles like an idiot as Boss Man kicks his ass. Everyone in the ring teams up and dumps Rikishi. No 15 is Chris Jericho.

Jericho dumps Backlund with a drop kick. Backlund goes into the stands to try and win some votes. No 16 is Crash Holly. Edge spanks Crash over the ropes. Bizarre. No 17 is Chyna and she goes straight after Jericho and suplexes him over the ropes. Jericho is out and Boss Man dumps Chyna while she celebrates. No 18 is Faarooq. The Mean Street Posse do a run in and go after Faarooq. Boss Man dumps Faarooq. No 19 is Road Dogg. RD is ill as I recall which is why the earlier tag match was so short and why he spends most of his time in this match hugging the bottom rope. No 20 is Al Snow in his least descript costume to date.

Bulldog gets dumped by RD. No 21 is Val Venis – the big Valbowski. Funaki does another run in and gets dumped again. No 22 is Albert. Edge gets back dropped over the ropes by Snow and Venis. No 23 is Hardcore Holly. No 24 is the Rock and the crowd goes nuts. Rock lays the Smackdown on Boss Man and dumps him. Test has now been in for nearly 30 minutes. No 25 is Billy Gunn.

Gunn goes right after Rock. Rock dumps Crash after a DDT. No 26 is the Big Show. Business is about to pick up. Show dumps Test and Gangrel. Show goes after Rock. Show press slams Hardcore. No 27 is Bradshaw. The Mean Street Posse do another run in and Bradshaw dumps them all only for the Outlaws to team up and dump Bradshaw. No 28 is Kane. Venis goes after Kane so obviously Kane dumps him with a chokeslam. No 29 is the Godfather and here comes the Ho train. Kane dumps Albert. Funaki sneaks back in again and gets dumped again. No 30 is X-Pac. Urgh.

Snow dumps Hardcore Holly. Show dumps the Godfather. Rock with a samoan drop on Al Snow and he dumps Snow. Gunn dumps his partner RD and Kane dumps Mr Ass. Kane goes under the rope to fight the Outlaws. Rock dumps X-Pac but the referees miss the elimination and he sneaks back in. Kane comes back into the ring and we'’e down to the final 4 – Rock, Big Show, X-Pac and Kane. Kane tags Show with an inziguri and then scoop slams him. X-Pac blindsides Kane though and he’s out. X-Pac hits the bronco buster on Show but Show gets his revenge by press slamming X-Pac over the ropes. Rock hits Show with everything he has including a People’s Elbow. Show comes back with a chokeslam and go to dump Rock but Rock skins the cat to get back in and he dumps the Big Show in the progress. Rock actually touched with both feet but who cares right? Match time – 51.56. Match rating – B-. Not an exceptional rumble by any means but it got better towards the end.

Best matches –

3. Tazz v Kurt Angle. Sure it was short but it showed why Tazz was worth signing. Shame they never built on the interesting beginnings.
2. The Dudleys v The Hardys. Entertaining prequel to TLC matches.
1. Triple H v Cactus Jack. Perfectly planned and brutal in it’s execution. A wonderful, wonderful thing.

Overall PPV rating –
B+. The excellent Triple H-Cactus Jack match makes it worth buying alone but you have good support and apart from the really short tag match there really isn’t any filler.

Repost - WWF Royal Rumble 98

2008-05-04T18:53:00.000-07:00

The Furious Flashbacks – Royal Rumble 1998

The WWF is on the verge of it’s greatest run of storyline and entertainment in it’s entire history. This was the most obvious Royal Rumble of all time with everyone and his goat predicting a win for the heavily favoured Stonecold Steve Austin. Meanwhile Shawn Michaels was defending his WWF title against challenger The Undertaker. This match would be the last of Michaels career where he’d be at 100%. Stay tuned to see what happens as we rumble into 1998.

This PPV will be graded on the Furious Grading Scale. FGS grades are as follows –

A One of the greatest matches anywhere, ever.
A- Damn near perfect
B+ Excellent
B Very Good
B- Good
C+ Average
C Mediocre
C- Bad
D Terrible
F Hulk Hogan
U or Ungraded = Hacksaw Jim Duggan v Ultimate Warrior v Goldberg in a submissions only Ironman match. My worst nightmare.

Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler welcome us to San Jose and the 11th annual royal rumble. 3 titles are on the line tonight. Mike Tyson is in the house tonight. Cool. Tyson gets heat that some heels wish they could get.

Vader v Goldust w/Luna

Goldust has become “Forever Unchained” and looks like a damn freak. His outfit seems a homage to the days of Doink. Vader starts out hard and levels Goldust with an avalanche so Goldy bails. Vader comes after him and shoulder blocks him into Luna to a good pop. Back inside Goldust runs through his vast array of clotheslines and elbow drops. Vader gets sent into the steps on the outside and Luna jumps him with a choke. Goldust goes for scoop slam but can’t get the big man up. Vader pummels Goldust and hits a suplex and a big splash for a two count. Vader sets up Goldust in the corner for the Vaderbomb but Goldust hits a low blow. Goldust goes for a sunset flip and Vader sits on his chest. Vader tees up another Vaderbomb and Luna jumps on Vader’s back. Vader ignores her and still does the Vaderbomb with Luna on his back. Cool. Match time – 7.52. Match rating – C. Nothing special and pretty plodding throughout but the ending rocked.

Backstage Michael Cole tries to interview Steve Austin but Austin tells him to park his truck and not leave a mark on it. Hehe.

Batallion/Tarantula/El Torito v Max Mini/Nova/Mosaic

The Nova isn’t ECW’s Nova because this is a midget match and the special referee is Sunny before she smoked crack, got fat and ruined Chris Candido’s career (it’s not my line but it’s too funny not to use). Nova starts out with an armdrag and a headscissors takeover on Tarantula. Max with an armdrag on Battallion and he follows it with an armdrag and then an armdrag. Max Mini – the master of the armdrag. El Torito then roughs up Mosaic with a couple of press slams. Mosaic reverses the last one with an armdrag and follows it up with an armdrag. Nova dropkicks Batallion out and no one is making tags in this lucha match. Nova with an armdrag on Torito and follows it up with an armdrag. Mosaic in with a hurracurana and an armdrag and headscissors him out of the ring. Max Mini comes off the top with a hurracurana on Tarantula. El Torito belts Max in the back of the head with a stiff kick. Sunny helps Max with a few kicks and the heel team get on Sunny’s case. Mosaic comes in with an armdrag. Mosaic dives through the ropes to the floor and it’s high flying time. Pescado from El Torito. Max Mini with a corkscrew plancha. Another midget with a tope and Nova hits an Asai moonsault. That was fun. Max Mini armdrags Tarantula into a cradle and pins him at 7.48. Match rating – D. 10 seconds of action and 7.30 of armdrags.

Backstage the Nation go after Stonecold but he’s nowhere to be found. Up in the skybox Mike Tyson is talking to Vince McMahon and Shane McMahon. Backstage the Rock calls Michael Cole “an idiot” and tells President Clinton that if he lies down with dogs like Paula Jones he’ll get fleas.

WWF IC title – The Rock (c) v Ken Shamrock

Rock tries to cheat and never gives a clean break while Shamrock comes out fast and dodges everything the Rock throws at him. Shamrock goes for a hurracurana and Rock hotshots him onto the ropes for a two count. Rock beats Shamrock into the corner and chokes him with his boot. Shamrock hits a crossbody for a two count and then a fisherman suplex for another two count. After a little time on the floor Rock does a floatover into a DDT which gets him a two count. Rock goes to a reverse chinlock to wear Shamrock down. Rock goes for the floatover into a DDT again but Shamrock just suplexes him out of it (not as polished as RVD-Lynn but who is). Rock starts begging off because Shamrock is beating him to everything and Shamrock gets a two from a powerslam. Shamrock hits a hurracurana and down come the Nation. Shamrock sees off the Nation and Rock blindsides him with some brass knucks. Then he puts the knucks into Shamrock’s tights. Sneaky. Shamrock kicks out at two and scores the belly to belly suplex of doom to claim the win at 10.55. But of course Rock protests claiming he got hit with brass knucks and the referee reverses the decision. Shamrock snaps etc. Match rating – B-

Los Boricuas attack “Stonecold” backstage but it’s only 8 Ball from the DOA and a gang fight breaks out backstage.

WWF tag team titles – New Age Outlaws (c) v Legion of Doom

The Outlaws come out in Green Bay Packers shirts (this was right after the Pack stopped the 49ers from making the superbowl). Road Dogg gets caught on a leapfrog and Animal powerbombs him for a real early 2 count. NAO walk out on the match and LOD get them back. Animal is nursing a sore back. Road Dogg gets isolated inside a minute. Hawk hits a neckbreaker but RD gets out and that brings in Billy who gets hit with a Lou Thesz press from Hawk. Animal with a side suplex on Billy. Animal hits a big powerslam on Billy and then another on RD as he comes in. Hawk comes in and puts an STF on Billy. Animal gets whipped into the ring steps by RD. RD lays the boots in and it looks like Animal is done. Hawk is stuck in a handicap match now and RD slams his face into the steps. RD handcuffs Hawk to the ringpost. Animal is now left 2 on 1. Animal with a double clothesline on the Outlaws. Billy comes off the top ropes and Animal powerslams him on his head (ouch). RD takes exception and nails Animal with a chair for the DQ at 8 minutes even. Match rating – C-

We get a video package of Austin systematically stunning the entire WWF roster. He’s a marked man in the 1998 Royal Rumble.

1998 Rumble match

No 1 is Cactus Jack and no 2 is Terry Funk. Hardcore. Funk has a chainsaw and Cactus belts in with a chair. Cactus takes a few shots with a chair and Cactus gets the chair. Terry Funk pulls up his mask to let Cactus know it’s him so Cactus belts him in the face with the chair. Cactus hands the chair to Funk and Funk waffles him with it. Brutal stuff. No 3 is Tom Brandi (who was Sal Sincere). Funk and Cactus team up and dump Brandi. Cactus starts setting up chairs and suplexes Funk on the chairs. No 4 is The Rock. Cactus puts a trashcan to the skull of the Rock and knocks him cold. Funk and Cactus put the trashcan over the Rock’s head and use him as a punching bag and then waffle him with chairs. Sweet. No 5 is Mosh. Mosh always gets an early draw.

Funk throws a chair at Mosh before he’s even in the ring. Funk misses a moonsault on Mosh but follows up with JYD style headbutts. No 6 is Phinneas Godwinn. “5 WWF superstars in the ring and only one brain between them and that’s in the Rock” – Jerry Lawler. No 7 is 8 Ball from the DOA. Cactus Jack gets dumped by Terry Funk much to everyones surprise. No 8 is Bradshaw. Bradshaw goes right after Mosh but gets double teamed by Mosh and 8 Ball. No 9 is Owen Hart who gets a massive pop but Jeff Jarrett jumps Owen in the aisleway and Owen never makes the ring. Damn it. No 10 is Steve Blackman.

No 11 is D’Lo Brown and the ring is starting to fill up. There are 8 guys in there. No 12 is Kurrgan who is much bigger than anyone. Funk offers a handshake Kurrgan dumps Mosh with ease. No 13 is Marvellous Marc Mero with the lovely Sable. Bradshaw is going toe to toe with Kurrgan. Kurrgan dumps Blackman. The Rock starts beating D’Lo, his own team mate. No 14 is Ken Shamrock. Shamrock takes Kurrgan down with some kicks and everyone gangs up to dump Kurrgan. Bradshaw is a big horse according to JR. No 15 is Thrasher.

There are now 9 men in the ring. D’Lo is busy choking the Rock. Mero is dancing around and avoiding contact with everyone. No 16 is Mankind. Yes, Mick Foley has just come out in his second persona of the rumble and he goes straight for Funk and he dumps him. Mankind and the Rock fight it out. Shamrock has found his way to the Rock. No 17 is Goldust. Goldust manages to dump Mankind. Foley is out again. No 18 is Jeff Jarrett. Jarrett was more over than I remember as he gets jeered soundly. Owen Hart does a run in and goes after Jarrett. Owen wails on Jarrett. Owen manages a spinning heel kick despite the crowded nature of the ring. Jarrett gets caught strutting and Owen dumps him to a massive pop. No 19 is the worst intercontinental champion of all time Honky Tonk Man. Triple H comes down for some reason and Rock dumps Shamrock. Hahaha. That’s twice tonight you’ve been outsmarted dumbass. Triple H nails Owen Hart with a crutch and Owen has been eliminated. Damn it again. I can’t help think that Owen was so over at this point in time that he should have wrestled for the title at the next PPV. No 20 is Ahmed Johnson (he isn’t injured?)

There are now 10 men in the ring and it looks really crowded. There are so many jobbers out there too. No 21 is Nation member Mark Henry. The Nation now has 3 representatives in there. Henry goes right after Ahmed Johnson. “Henry is handling the big Johnson” – JR. Does he realise what he just said? No 22 is absolutely no one. The King claims number 22 was Austin and he’s been knocked out backstage. Hmm. The Nation teams up and dumps Ahmed Johnson. Good. Mark Henry dumps Phinneas Godwinn who nearly kills the referee on the floor. No 23 is Kama Mustafa. The Nation now has 4 members in there. No 24 is Stonecold Steve Austin. Everyone in the ring stops fighting and they all await Austin but he comes through the crowd and dumps Mero. They back Austin into a corner but he fights out and dumps 8 Ball. Austin uses his vest to choke D’Lo. No 25 is Henry O Godwinn.

No 26 is Savio Vega but he’s joined by all of the Boricuas. Austin fights off the Boricuas. Austin takes Goldust’s head clean off with a clothesline.

(Let me allow you this little aside. Back in January of 1998 I was engaged to be married. One Sunday morning it all went wrong. On the same night was this PPV. After being consoled by my friends and my family nothing could make matters seem any better. Even my football team won on the afternoon and I just didn’t care. When Austin clotheslined Goldust I laughed. That’s what wrestling means to me and I’m sure to a lot of people. Just thought I’d share that.)

There are now 11 men in the ring. No 27 is Faarooq and now the Nation has 5 members in there. Austin gets thrown through the ropes and Rock follows him out. Austin and Rock brawl on the floor and Austin is left lying on the floor. No 28 is Dude Love. Yes, Foley is back for a third and final time. The Dude dumps Bradshaw right away. Austin pulls Goldust out under the ropes and a brawl insues on the floor. People’s elbow on D’Lo and Austin with a Lou Thesz press on Rock. No 29 is Chainz (Brian Lee) of the DOA. Chainz goes after Mark Henry. There are now 12 men out there. No 30 is called and it’s Vader time.

Honky Tonk gets dumped by the newcomer Vader. Austin dumps Kama Mustafa and the nation is down to 4. Austin dumps Savio Vega. Vader is put out by Goldust. Dude low bridges Henry Godwinn and he’s gone too. Chainz dumps Goldust. D’Lo Brown appears to have gone I missed his exit. Faarooq puts Mark Henry out and we’re down to the final four because Austin had dumped Chainz. The final four are – Austin, Rock, Faarooq and Dude Love. Dude and Austin team up and a double arm DDT puts Rock down. Dude gets the mandible claw on Austin and Faarooq dumps Dude. Faarooq tries to put Austin out but Rock dumps Faarooq and we’re down to two. Austin hits the stunner and Austin dumps him at 55.29 to win the rumble. Match rating – C+. Not the best rumble. The ring was always full of people so there wasn’t room for a lot of action. It was nice to see the hardcore brawl at the start though.

WWF title – Shawn Michaels (c) v The Undertaker (casket match)

Shawn is accompanied by Triple H and Chyna. Michaels uses his speed while Taker hits power offence. Taker goes for an early chokeslam but Michaels counters with a kick to the knee. Taker gives Michaels a choke lift but Michaels fights out. Michaels gets back dropped over the ropes and clips his back on the casket. It looked innocent enough but that would end Shawn’s career. Taker press slams Shawn on the floor and dumps him into the casket but the lid isn’t shut. Taker goes for a tombstone and Shawn wriggles free only to get punked out. Taker does the top rope walk of doom. Michaels is selling like crazy for Taker’s offence. Michaels gets dumped over the ropes and takes out a cameraman (ala Hell in a cell). Shawn goes up top and Taker powerslams him to the canvass but can’t get a pin because it’s a casket match. Michaels is dumped into the casket but he fights his way out. Michaels throws some powder into Taker’s eyes. Taker goes for a chokeslam but Michaels quirms out onto the ropes and hits a moonsault press. Sweet. Michaels whips Taker into the steel steps and he takes it knees first. Ouch. Michaels drills Taker with the ring steps twice into the back. Michaels spikes Taker with a perfect piledriver on the steel steps and you could hear the crack of skull on metal. Triple H attacks Taker on the floor with his crutch that eliminated Owen Hart. Shawn waffles Taker in the back with a steel chair. Back inside and Michaels hits a back elbow and asks for the casket to be opened. Taker nails Shawn in the face on the way in though. Michaels comes back with a great neckbreaker. Michaels goes to the sleeper hold and takes Taker down. Taker side suplexes him out of it. Michaels comes off the ropes with a flying forearm and he springs to his feet and heads to the ropes. Michaels hits a perfect elbow from the top rope. The band is warming up and Michaels hits the Sweet Chin Music. Michaels rolls Taker into the casket and poses above the casket with the DX crotch chop so obviously Taker grabs him by the groin and throws him back into the ring. Taker with a big back drop and Michaels takes a Flair bump in the corner. Taker with a big boot. Taker misses a flying clothesline and he lands in the casket. Michaels heads up top and drops an elbow into the casket. Michaels gets out but Taker drags him back in. Taker punches Michaels clean out of the casket. Michaels ducks another big boot but walks straight into a chokeslam. Taker calls for the end and tombstones Michaels off the apron into the casket. It would have been over but DX and the Boricuas do a run in and pound on Taker. Kane comes out to a huge pop and clears the ring. DX pull Michaels out of the casket in the meantime. Kane decks the Undertaker. My God another heel turn. Kane chokeslams Taker into the casket and closes the lid at 20.38. Shawn Michaels retains the WWF title. Match rating – B+. Michaels is just awesome.

After the match is over Kane and Paul Bearer lock the casket and drag it up to the stage where Kane attacks it with an axe and promptly pours gasoline all over it. What does he do next? Well he torches it. It was dramatic at the time and I thought it was pretty cool.

Best matches –
3. Royal Rumble match. Although it was a little clogged for most of the match at least it had a little Cactus-Funk hardcore action at the start.
2. Ken Shamrock v The Rock. Nice twists and well worked by two up and comers.
1. Shawn Michaels v Undertaker. If it had gone down clean it may have been regarded as a classic like their Hell in a Cell match from late 1997.

Overall PPV rating –
C. Although the main event was excellent the undercard was very weak. The tag matches were both filler and Vader-Goldust was only good for it’s cool ending. Still Michaels-Taker was excellent and Rock-Shamrock was one of their better matches.

Repost - WWF Royal Rumble 97

2008-05-04T18:52:00.001-07:00

The Furious Flashbacks – Royal Rumble 1997.

Welcome to 1997. Stonecold is the Texas Rattlesnake but he’s still a heel. Sid is the WWF champion and Shawn Michaels is challenging him in an attempt to upstage their previous match at Survivor Series 96. The WWF was a little short on talent so they draft some extra talent in from Mexico to make up the card. Without further ado we’ll see how Shawn looked before he lost his smile.

This PPV will be graded on the Furious Grading Scale. FGS grades are as follows –

A One of the greatest matches anywhere, ever.
A- Damn near perfect
B+ Excellent
B Very Good
B- Good
C+ Average
C Mediocre
C- Bad
D Terrible
F Hulk Hogan
U or Ungraded = Hacksaw Jim Duggan v Ultimate Warrior v Goldberg in a submissions only Ironman match. My worst nightmare.

The WWF puts Shawn over for putting people before the title and he’s returning to his home town of San Antonio. I wonder who’s going over in the main event. Vince McMahon welcomes us to the Rumble in the Alamodome. Remember the Alamo? JR and the King are with Vince. Well at least there’s some strong support for Vince’s lame ass commentary.

IC title – Triple H (c) w/Mr Hughes v Goldust w/Marlena

Goldust had sort of shook off his gay image and become a fan favourite at this point. Triple H is convinced that all women are infatuated with him apparently. I don’t even remember this angle which should suggest how entertaining it was. Triple H used to have the coolest music (it’s the same music they use on Die Hard). Goldust doesn’t wait for the bell and attacks Triple H out on the floor. Triple H goes for an early Pedigree but Goldust throws him out of it and Triple H goes all the way down to the floor. Earl Hebner lets Goldust punk out Triple H with the ring steps. The fight keeps spilling to the outside and Triple H has picked up a knee injury by missing a charge into the security railing. Goldust takes advantage with the ringsteps. Goldust takes it back inside and works the knee using a figure 4 leglock. Goldust continues his psychological advantage by working over the knee on the floor with a chop block and a shin breaker onto the ringsteps. Triple H actually sells the leg like he sold the quad tear in early 2001. Triple H topples over while doing his taunt because of his bad wheel. Psychology rules. Triple H injures his own knee by dropping a knee. Fabulous psychology. Goldust misses an elbow from the top rope and Hughes tosses the IC belt to Triple H. Triple H kisses Marlena and Goldust snags the belt and waffles Triple H with it but only gets a two count before Hughes pulls Triple H out. Triple H sneaks back in to Pearl Harbour Goldust and Pedigree him for the win. Match time – 17.12. Match rating – B. Actually far better than I remember it and Triple H was good before I remember him being good.

Faarooq w/Crush/PG-13 and 9 other guys v Ahmed Johnson

This is a bit of a slobberknocker but Faarooq goes after the injured kidneys of Ahmed. Ahmed gets a belt from somewhere and whips Faarooq like a government mule. Faarooq throws a very young D’Lo Brown into the path of Ahmed who knocks him down easily. Faarooq slams Ahmed kidneys first into a chair he set up on the floor and then waffles Ahmed with the chair. Faarooq sets Ahmed up on the top turnbuckle and kicks him square in the kidneys. Nice. Faarooq spends a couple of minutes using the Camel Clutch but Ahmed powers out of it. Faarooq heads upstairs and Ahmed nails the powerslam from the top. Faarooq fights back with a spinebuster and Ahmed is down again. Faarooq spends too long taunting though and Ahmed gets back up with a spinebuster of his own. He signals for the Pearl River Plunge and the Nation of Domination floods into the ring. The referee calls for the bell and Ahmed wins it on DQ. Match time – 8.49. Match rating – C. Although Faarooq showed solid psychology the match was way too slow and ended in a schmoz.

To show he’s hardcore Ahmed puts a Nation member through a table at ringside with a Pearl River Plunge off the ringsteps. The French announce team just lost their table. Backstage Faarooq calls Ahmed Johnson an “Uncle Tom”.

Vader v Undertaker

This is a complete slobberknocker. Taker doesn’t sell any of Vader’s offence and Vader looks worried. Taker seems to have the upper hand when it comes to offence as well as he scores a scoop slam and a leg drop for a two count. Taker misses a Top Rope Walk of Doom as Vader pulls him onto the ropes. Vader goes downstairs deliberately to gain an advantage. Vader follows up with an avalanche. Vader goes into a nerve hold to take control of the match completely. Taker side suplexes Vader out of it though and both men are down. Vader assends the turnbuckles and Taker slams him from mid air. Taker manages to walk straight into a powerbomb and Vader gets a two count. Taker nails the Top Rope Walk of Doom the second time around. Paul Bearer makes his way out. In the ring Taker chokeslams Vader. Taker leaves the ring and punk out Bearer. Taker sets Vader up on the security railing and Taker gets a run up. Bearer pulls Vader out of the way and Taker nails nothing but steel. Bearer assaults Taker with the urn and Vader heads up for the Vaderbomb. Match time – 13.24. Vader leaves with Paul Bearer. Match rating – C-. Very long match for a big man scrap.

British Bulldog tells the cameras backstage that he’ll win tonight because he’s bizarre. Way to go Davey you made yourself sound like a total moron.

Fuerza Guerrera/Heavy Metal/Jerry Estrada v Perro Aguayo/Hector Garza/El Canek

A bunch of stars from AAA in Mexico were signed for this show because it’s so close to Mexico here in San Antonio. Sadly they signed these 6. Most of these guys are passed it and the rest aren’t that good. Not that I like lucha libre anyway. Vince doesn’t even know who any of these guys are. JR takes over on commentary and the crowd goes to sleep. Lots of tags and arm drags. Jerry Estrada gets backdropped over the top rope and Aguayo fakes a pescado. Chicken. Guerrera misses a leg drop from the top and Canek hits a crappy looking crossbody from the top. Heavy Metal hits Garza with a spinning heel kick and then hits a back elbow. Crowd just doesn’t care though. I’ve never heard the crowd so quiet at a PPV. I just heard a pin drop up in the second deck. Canek manages 30 seconds of solid arm drags and drop kicks. Apparently that’s over in Mexico. Aguayo fakes a pescado again. That would be cool if someone else was actually doing them. Perro Aguayo promptly fakes a pescado again and I’m tempted to just fast forward the rest of the match. Garza hits a corkscrew something to the floor on Heavy Metal. That was was enough for a WWF contract shame he did nothing else. Aguayo hits a double stomp from the top rope on Heavy Metal and the match is over. Match time – 10.32ish. I forgot to reset the timer and couldn’t be bothered to go back. Match rating – F. Appalling lucha crap.

Royal Rumble match

Number 1 is Crush (Brian Adams). Number 2 is Ahmed Johnson. Crush continues to work the back of Ahmed. No 3 is Da Bad Guy Razor Ramon except it’s after Scott Hall left so it’s Big Titan in the costume but it doesn’t matter because Ahmed dumps him right away. Ahmed spots Faarooq and eliminates himself to chase Faarooq. Ahmed is such a moron. No 4 is Phinneas Godwinn (Mideon). No 5 is Stonecold Steve Austin and business is about to pick up.

Austin actually gets worked over by Phinneas and gets saved by Crush. Shocking booking. Austin returns the favour by nailing Crush and Phinneas throws Crush out. Austin stunners Phinneas and dumps him. No 6 is Bart Gunn before he was a boxer. Bart botches a rocker dropper and then screws up his exit so Austin belts him with a huge clothesline over the ropes. Bye Bart. Austin sits on the top turnbuckle and checks his watch. No 7 is Jake “The Snake” Roberts. Jake is in his 6th (and final) Royal Rumble. No 8 is British Bulldog. Austin dumps Jake while Bulldog is coming out. Bulldog hits his running powerslam on Austin. He can’t get Austin up to get him out though. No 9 is Piroth (champion of champions from AAA). Piroth goes to pin Bulldog because he’s a Mexican idiot. No 10 is The Sultan (Rikishi in his former guise).

Bulldog nearly puts Austin out but Austin rolls back in. No 11 is Mil Mascaras. He’s a legend but a real moron. Mascaras is actually over with the Texas fans. The pace slows down a bit as the ring fills up. No 12 is Triple H and he’s still selling the knee injury. Yes, psychology does indeed rule. Bulldog dumps the Sultan. Austin and Triple H start to mix it up. No 13 is Owen Hart. Owen’s music was so cool. Owen and Austin go at it and you wouldn’t see that a year later. Bulldog saves Owen from Austin. Owen returns the favour by eliminating Bulldog. “By mistake” according to Owen. Bulldog is pissed off. No 14 is Goldust. Austin goes straight after Goldust. No 15 is Cibernetico. He’s only 20 and the youngest in the Rumble.

Triple H and Goldust have renewed their rivalry. Owen stamps on Austin shouting “that’s for the British Bulldog”. Classic Owen. No 16 is Marc Mero with Sable. Cibernetico and Piroth are both dumped and Mil Mascaras leaps from the top turnbuckle to eliminate himself. Those wacky Mexicans. Goldust puts out Triple H as a receipt for the loss earlier. No 17 is Latin Lover. All these Mexicans are from AAA. WWF was real short on talent in 1997. LL superkicks Owen. Owen skins the cat to get back in from Goldust putting him over. Owen comes back to dump Goldust. No 18 is Faarooq. Faarooq back drops Latin Lover out. Austin and Faarooq start wailing on each other and the crowd loves it. Ahmed does a run in and dumps Faarooq with a 2x4. Meanwhile Austin dumps Owen and Mero. Austin is on his own again. No 19 is Savio Vega. Austin and Vega have a history and a recent feud and light up the ring while they have the chance. Austin dumps Savio in double quick time however and Austin waves for someone new to come out. No 20 is Double J Jesse Jammes. Or the Road Dogg to you and me.

Austin dumps Road Dogg and is on his own again. Austin, like Flair, is getting over with the crowd as the match goes on. Austin gets ready on the top turnbuckle and no 21 is Bret Hart. Austin’s reaction is panic and then confidence. Great reactions from Austin. Bret and Austin get it on and the crowd goes nuts for the action. Shame they only get a minute and half and Bret slaps Austin in the sharpshooter. Jerry Lawler is No 22. Bret breaks the sharpshooter and dumps Lawler with one punch. Lawler sits down and finishes his sentence on commentary. Lawler’s selling of being dumped in about 5 seconds is hilarious. Bret and Austin get another 90 seconds of action in. No 23 is Diesel except it’s after Kevin Nash left so we have someone who can actually work. It’s Glenn Jacobs or Kane as many now know him. Jacobs does Nash better than Nash does. Bret takes a front turnbuckle and out comes Terry Funk – No 24. Austin and Funk battle it out and this is great stuff. Austin nearly dumps Funk but Terry gets back in and assaults Bret. Funk with a messy piledriver on Bret. No 25 is the rookie Rocky Maivia. Or the Rock as he’s now known and he goes straight for Steve Austin.

No 26 is Mankind (aka Mick Foley). We’ve got Bret Hart, The Rock, Austin, Mick Foley and Terry Funk out there. Cool. Funk and Mankind fight it out. Austin and Bret are going at it again and that’s worth watching alone. No 27 is Flash Funk (Too Cold Scorpio). Bret piledrives Austin (you’d never see that in 1998). Flash gets funky on the ropes and crossbodies Rock and Diesel. Foley and Rock are double teaming Funk. Bizarre. No 28 is Vader. Vader goes right after Bret. Lawler is still selling the fact he got eliminated but can’t remember being in there. No 29 is Henry O Godwinn. No 30 is the Undertaker and we have everyone that’s going to turn up for this thing.

Taker goes after Vader and Mankind. Taker gives chokeslams to Austin and Vader. Austin and Bret go at it again. Rock and Taker mix it up. Vader dumps Flash Funk with a fall away slam without the fall away. Sweet. Rock nearly puts Bret out but Austin stops him because he wants to put Bret out himself. Taker dumps Henry Godwinn. Good. Mankind gets the Mandible claw on the Rock and dumps him. Mankind suplexes Funk out of the ring but doesn’t get back in because Taker dumps him with a big boot. Mankind and Funk fight on the outside and the officials are distracted. Bret dumps Austin to a MASSIVE pop but the refs didn’t see it. Austin dumps Vader and Undertaker at the same time while Bret eliminates Diesel on the other side. Bret thinks he’s won it but Austin sneaks up on him and dumps him out. The referees declare Austin the winner despite the fact that he didn’t win it. Match time 50.30. Match rating – B. Austin and Bret made the Rumble entertaining. Bret has a pop at Vince McMahon on the way out shouting “what is this shit?” 11 months later he’d have a similar question I’m sure.

WWF title – Sycho Sid (c) v Shawn Michaels w/Jose Lothario

Shawn Michaels has flu coming into this match which explains why he looks like crap in a backstage interview. Michaels gets a pop that nearly takes the roof off the Alamodome. Sid starts out just using raw power to keep Shawn at bay while Shawn uses his speed and agility to send Sid to the floor. Sid goes to slam Michaels on the floor but Shawn uses a rake of the eyes to save himself. Sid goes to the camel clutch after 2.30 on my clock. Lazy. After a long rest Shawn takes a Flair bump to the floor while some kid in the front row is screaming “Oh My God” in the style of Joey. Sid ramps Michaels back into the ring post a couple of times. Sid goes to a reverse chinlock. Shawn fights out and Sid nearly takes his head off with a huge clothesline. Sid goes to a bearhug. Although it’s boring Sid’s offence does have a purpose and he’s working the back. Sid gets a long two after a big leg drop and goes straight into a reverse chinlock. Shawn fights back with a scoopslam and a flying forearm. Shawn with an elbow from the top rope. Shawn calls for the superkick but Sid catches it and dumps Shawn over the ropes. Sid powerbombs Shawn on the floor and if he hadn’t protected Shawn he could have killed him. Earl Hebner takes a ref bump and Sid has it won with a chokeslam. Rough break for Sid. Another ref comes out and Sid waffles him with a right hand for not being the right official. Shawn grabs a TV camera and knocks Sid out with it as a receipt for Survivor Series 96 when Sid did the same to Shawn. But Sid kicks out at 2 and a half. Shawn levels Sid with the superkick and Shawn gets the pinfall and the WWF title. Match time – 13.52. Match rating – B-. Not good for Shawn but he had the flu so what can you do. He still carried Sid to a decent match and you’d have to wonder how good it would have been if Shawn was 100%.

Best matches –
3. Shawn Michaels v Sid. Disappointing but considering Michaels was sick it could have really sucked. Sid’s offence is incredibly dull for less than 15 minutes though.
2. Triple H v Goldust. Amazing to see how far Triple H has come but here’s some evidence of the promise he was showing back in 1997.
1. Royal Rumble. Hot in places and it was great to watch Austin and Bret Hart going at it. Foley and Funk were good in supporting roles.

Overall PPV rating –
B-. Not as bad as I remember it and most of the matches at least had some entertaining psychology. The lucha match was abysmal though and the main event disappointing.

Repost - WWF Royal Rumble 96

2008-05-04T18:51:00.001-07:00

Fucking hell, how many of these did I do before I actually introduced snowflakes and formatting? More than I remember it seems.

The Furious Flashbacks – Royal Rumble 1996

Back in 1996 the WWF had 4 big stars – Bret Hart, the WWF champion, The Undertaker, here the challenger, Diesel, the former WWF champion and Shawn Michaels who is coming back from a career threatening head injury. Who will have the big night tonight? Stay tuned.

This PPV will be graded on the Furious Grading Scale. FGS grades are as follows –

A One of the greatest matches anywhere, ever.
A- Damn near perfect
B+ Excellent
B Very Good
B- Good
C+ Average
C Mediocre
C- Bad
D Terrible
F Hulk Hogan
U or Ungraded = Hacksaw Jim Duggan v Ultimate Warrior v Goldberg in a submissions only Ironman match. My worst nightmare.

On commentary we have Vince McMahon and Mr Perfect right here in Fresno, California. The WWF doesn’t go to Fresno for big events anymore because they’re bigger than that.

Free for All – Triple H v Duke “The Dumpster” Droese

The winner of this match is number 30 in the Royal Rumble but the loser of the match will be the number 1 in the Royal Rumble. Triple H cuts a quick promo in his blue blood gimmick but breaks kayfabe somewhat with the quote “tell the fat lady she’s on in 5”. Triple H is undefeated coming into this match. Duke starts with a snap suplex and a monkey flip from the big man. Triple H utilises the European uppercut. Duke misses a tackle into the corner and injures own arm. Triple H uses the arm bar takedown a couple of times. 2 minutes in and Triple H is working the body part. What a star. Knees to the shoulder joint and a couple of arm ringers. Duke tries to make a comeback but Trips drives his knee into the shoulder once again. Duke gets back in charge and uses back drops and hip tosses. Basic big man offence that Nash could only dream about doing. Big powerslam on the future game. Trips gets out of the “trash compactor”. Yes, his gimmick was that bad. Trips uses brass knucks and decks Droese for the 3 count at 6.31. Gorilla Monsoon comes out and points out that he saw the knucks and Trips is DQ’d. He’ll be coming in at number one. Match rating – C+. Trips dragged a decent match out of the Dumpster on a free match.

Still in the free for all and Shawn Michaels comes out to talk to the fans because he’s the ‘outside bet’ for the Rumble. Well that pretty much guarantees his win. Michaels is so over with the ladies it’s amazing. Shawn talks about his injury and now he’s back, blah, blah, blah.

Jeff Jarrett v Ahmed Johnson

Jarrett wisely bails on Ahmed in the early going. I say wisely because Ahmed cripples everyone he faces. Jeff fails on a hip toss attempt but Ahmed gets him over easily. Ahmed throws Jarrett across the ring in a somewhat careless move. Ahmed follows up with a big clothesline and a shoulder tackle. Ahmed reminds me of Goldberg = all power and no skill. Jarrett ducks an Ahmed charge and Ahmed nearly beheads himself on the bottom rope on his way to the floor. Moron. I forgot that Ahmed starting selling like Tatanka in this match. Ahmed goes to the bearhug and hits another sloppy clothesline. Ahmed with a big spinebuster which actually looked quite well executed. Jarrett bails and Ahmed jumps over the ropes to wipe out Jarrett and nearly kills himself. Ahmed misses a legdrop from the top and Jarrett slaps on a figure 4. Ahmed, of course, reverses it. Jarrett goes to work on the knee that Ahmed injured himself much like Trips did with the shoulder in the free for all match. Jarrett has had enough of Ahmed’s crappy selling though so he fetches his acoustic equaliser and blasts Ahmed square in the head with it. Match time – 6.40 and Ahmed wins on DQ. Match rating – C- and I’m being generous. Ahmed sucks.

Backstage Diesel is interviewed about the WWF’s newest signee Vader. I forgot Vader was making his debut tonight. Diesel claims he’s winning the Rumble and it’s Diesel time.

Tag titles – Smoking Gunns (Billy + Bart) (c) v The Body Donnas (Skip + Zip) w/Sunny

The Body Donnas are fitness freaks and Skip is the horribly wasted Chris Candido. Sunny looks hot but the gimmick blows. Skip uses a headscissors takeover which confuses Billy so he resorts to a good old fashioned back body drop. Bart rope flips the Body Donnas over the ropes in an awesome spot and Billy jumps on them as to not be shown up. Sunny shows Bart a little leg on the outside to get Skip back into the right part of town. In the ring completely no sells Zip’s chops. Press slam from Bart. The Gunns tag and hit a Hart Attack on Skip. Sunny takes a bump off the apron to a massive pop because that sort of thing never used to happen. Billy goes to check on Sunny’s injury and he gets jumped by the Donnas because she was faking. Skip nails Billy with a pescado. Back in the ring Skip suplexes Zip onto Billy who’s still down from the beating on the floor. Zip gutwrench powerbombs Skip onto Billy in another cool double team move. Vince is beginning to annoy me because he calls everything a “manoeuvre”. The man doesn’t know any moves, why is he on commentary? Bart tags in and all 4 men are in. The cowboys hit their low effort offence. The Gunns hit their tag finisher (one man holds, the other hits a leg drop over the knee). Skip hits a splash on the pinning Bart and scores a two count despite not being legal. This referee sucks. The Donnas go for a big double suplex on Bart but Billy spears Skip down and both Gunns grab inside cradles for the win at 10.39. Match rating – C. A perfect demonstration of why the WWF tag division sucked around 1996. The better team – the Donnas got saddled with a gimmick that no one could possibly like.

IC title – Razor Ramon (c) v Goldust w/Marlena

Goldust is brand new and has gone after the macho Ramon in a bizarre queer attack. Goldust does all his gay stuff to psyche Razor out which the crowd doesn’t like. Razor slaps on an armbar and slaps Goldust around the head. Goldust does a standing switch and touches up the chest of Razor. Razor takes offence to another touchy gay thing and shoves Goldust over. Goldust shows his first signs of offence on 4 minutes with a stiff slap. Razor responds by slapping Goldust on the ass. If this match sounds gay it’s because it is. Goldust bails and hides behind Marlena. Goldust uses a few headlock takeovers but Razor gets out easy and punks out Goldust. Goldust bails and hides behind Marlena again. Goldust goes back inside and Razor clotheslines him out of the ring. Goldust hides behind Marlena again. Jesus, flog that dead horse. Goldust takes over on offence and assaults Razor’s spine with shots into the ring apron and then uses Irish whips to work over the back. Goldust hits a bulldog for a 2 count. Goldust uses the ropes to assist on a suplex and gets another 2. Marlena blows gold dust into Razor’s eyes and he’s blinded but he still fights back. Goldust goes to the sleeper. Razor hits a low blow and the ref (Timmy White) misses it. Vince’s commentary is getting worse. If he says “not withstanding” one more time I’ll have to kill the audio. Razor hits a chokeslam which gets him a two count. Fall away slam and another 2. Goldust climbs the ropes and Razor crotches him. Razor hits a superplex and in comes Marlena and she’s “twisted her ankle”. Sure she has. X-Pac does a run in and knocks Razor’s head off with a spinning heel kick. Goldust pins for the belt at 14.21. Match rating – D. Loads of stalling and gayness, although there was psychology it wasn’t fun to watch.

Backstage Barry Horowitz claims his odds at winning the rumble are 30-1. More like 1,000,000-1. Jake Roberts and his demons are back, Michaels talks about the dreams of a 12 year old boy and Vader growls a lot while Cornette talks about devastation.

The Rumble match

Triple H is out first thanks to his ‘loss’ to Droese earlier. No 2 is Henry O Godwinn renewing their feud from just a month ago. Trips takes a couple of Flair bumps but stays in. Godwinn gets Trips up in a press but can’t put him out. The clock is actually bang on this year, like no other, and Bob Backlund is in at no 3. No 4 is Jerry “The King” Lawler. King avoids fighting anyone and gets all the heels to pick on Godwinn. Godwinn grabs the slop bucket and everyone bails so Henry dumps the slop over the ropes onto all 3 of them. No 5 is Bob “Spark Plug” Holly. “Start your engines” – Vince. He is that bad.

No 6 is King Mabel and he must weight 550lbs at least. No 7 is Jake “The Snake” Roberts and his python. Jake unleashes the snake and Lawler gets the worst of it. Lawler disappears under the ring. Everyone gets back in. Hopefully that’s all the ring clearing crap done with. No 8 is Dory Funk Jnr. No one is out yet. No 9 is Yoko Zuna. He looks to be at least 600lbs. Yoko dumps Bob Backlund and then goes after the big man Mabel. Mabel squashes Henry Godwinn twice, ouch. No 10 is the 1-2-3 Kid but Razor Ramon is chasing him.

At some point Henry Godwinn got dumped but I missed it. No 11 is Omari. Triple H takes a Flair face first bump. No 12 is Savio Vega. Savio takes Mabel over with a spinning heel kick. Yoko dumps Mabel after Savio got him off balance. Good timing. Jake Roberts manages to keep himself in but puts out Omari at the same time. No 13 is Vader. It’s Vader time. Savio suplexes Dory Funk out in remarkable super slo-mo. No 14 is Doug Gilbert which is a bit of a surprise. Eddie was a better wrestler but at least he’s here. Vader dumps Jake with a shot in the middle of the ring. No 15 is one of the Squat team members. Another bad WWF tag team.

Vader with a vicious chokeslam on Doug Gilbert. 1-2-3 Kid and Trips are fighting. Vader dumps Doug Gilbert with ease and then dumps the Squat team guy. No 16 is the other Squat team member. The one that just got dumped comes back too. They pick a fight with Vader and he decks them both. Vader and Yoko dump one each. Triple H has now been in there for 30 minutes. No 17 is Owen Hart. Owen and Triple H double team Bob Holly. Vader and Yoko eye each other up. Savio gets squashed by Vader. Then Yoko drops a leg on him. Ouch. No 18 is Shawn Michaels and he’s clearly the crowd favourite. Vader dumps Savio. Michaels goes after 1-2-3 Kid and Triple H then goes after Owen. Vader and Yoko start wailing on each other in what could only be described as a slugfest. Shawn Michaels walks over and dumps both of them. Michaels press slams 1-2-3 Kid and dumps him too. No 19 is Hakushi. Vader and Yoko are still fighting outside the ring. Vader goes back in and beats the crap out of Michaels. Vader dumps Michaels but it doesn’t count apparently. Vader clears the ring but it all doesn’t count because he’s out. No 20 is Tatanka.

The ring is full of guys that can go and Owen, Shawn Michaels, Hakushi and Triple H get a chance to show off a few moves. Michaels and Triple H are still fighting. Owen dumps Hakushi with a cool move where he catches him in a kip up. No 21 is Aldo Montoya aka Justin Credible. Michaels bails to find Jerry Lawler. Michaels drags King out from under the ring. No 22 is Diesel but as he comes down Michaels dumps Lawler and Montoya is dumped also. Diesel dumps Tatanka. Diesel decks his “best friend” Michaels. Diesel saves Michaels from elimination at the hands of Trips. No 23 is Kama. No 24 is Steve Austin (as the Ringmaster). Austin dumps Holly after about 40 minutes out there. No 25 is Barry Horrowitz.

Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Owen Hart and Steve Austin are all out there. Very odd to see that. Diesel dumps Triple H after 48 minutes in there. Austin and Michaels are fighting. No 26 ‘Make a Difference’ Fatu (aka Rikishi). Owen and Shawn both nearly eliminate each other and no 27 is Isaac Yankem (aka Kane). Horowitz gets dumped by Owen Hart. Owen hits Shawn with an inziguri. That incidentally was the move that put Michaels on the shelf with a concussion a few months prior to this event. Good psychology. While watching a replay of that they miss Owen Hart getting eliminated by Shawn Michaels. No 28 is former Rocker Marty Jannetty. Michaels and Jannetty soon find each other and slug it out. No 29 is the British Bulldog. Bulldog goes after Michaels but ends up dumping Jannetty. Fatu dumps Austin and Vince also misses that. Fatu does his sell off the clothesline and Yankem dumps him. “It’s difficult to keep up with all of the action” – Vince. Take his fucking head set away. Now. No 30 is Duke Droese.

Michaels and Bulldog go through the ropes and fight on the floor. Owen Hart comes out and blindsides Michaels. Michaels drop kicks Isaac Yankem out. Kama and Diesel dump the Dumpster. We’re down to the final 4 in this match – Kama (aka the Godfather), Diesel (aka Kevin Nash), British Bulldog (aka Davey Boy Smith) and Shawn Michaels. Michaels outwits Bulldog and dumps him while Diesel dumps Kama. Diesel turns round into a superkick and Shawn Michaels takes the rumble and the Wrestlemania title shot at 58.48. Match rating – C+. The ring never really cleared out apart from once and that’s where all the best action happened – right after Vader got dumped.

WWF title – Bret Hart (c) v Undertaker

As Taker comes down he gets in a fight with Diesel who still hasn’t left. Taker had his face crushed by Yoko Zuna a few months ago so he’s wearing a mask. Taker absorbs all of Bret’s punches and throws him into the corner for a beating. Taker spends about 2 minutes with a claw of sorts on Bret. Taker hits the top rope walk of doom and goes back to that claw. Bret recovers and clotheslines Taker over the ropes and follows him with a pescado. Bret appears to be more over than Taker because he’s actually interesting. Bret jumps on Taker on the floor but Taker catches him and drives him spine first into the ring post. Taker goes to spike Bret into the post again but Bret wriggles out and Taker posts himself but turns around and big boots Bret as he follows in. Taker takes Bret’s head to the guard rail and the commentary team calls for a DQ. Those were the days. Bret reverses a whip and Taker hits the steps knees first. Bret goes after the knee in clinical fashion. Bret stomps at Taker’s knee and drops down on it at every opportnity. Precision offence. Bret slaps on a figure 4 but Taker won’t submit. Taker finally reverses the hold after a minute or so of not selling it. Bret punches Taker square in the knee. Beautiful. Text book. Bret has been working that knee for 8 straight minutes. Taker is actually selling after about 10 minutes of knee offence and is walking with a slight limp. Taker picks up a length of wire and chokes Bret with it to huge heel heat. It’s illegal. You can’t do that. Bret gets whipped into the timekeepers table and Taker drives a chair into his chest to another chorus of boos. Back in the ring Taker misses a clothesline and Bret takes out the leg again. Bret wraps Taker’s knee around the ring post and the crowd boo again. What the hell was wrong with people in 1996? Bret is expertly working the body part. He’s at over 10 minutes of offence onto one single body part. Taker fights back to his feet and once again is nursing a sore knee. Bret snags the ropes on a tombstone attempt and better still Taker couldn’t hold him up because of the bad knee. Psychology and selling in the same match Taker? Taker lowers his head for a body drop and Bret DDT’s him. Side russian leg sweep. Taker sits straight up though. Running bulldog on Taker. Taker sits back up. Backbreaker on Taker and Bret is running through the moves of doom. Bret drives an elbow from the second rope and Bret does a cool Gladiator style ‘thumbs up’, ‘thumbs down’ signal to the crowd before going to the sharpshooter. Taker grabs Bret by the throat in the midst of it being put on though and breaks it up. Double clothesline and both men are down. Round of applause in the Furious wrestling room. Bret exposes the turnbuckle. Bret takes off Taker’s facial protection – the mask. Bret sells a look of fear when he makes eye contact with Taker. Cool selling. Bret rams Taker’s face into the exposed turnbuckle twice and the crowd boos. Bret comes off the ropes and Taker catches him and dumps him down with the tombstone and that would be all except…for Diesel pulling out the referee. At 28.28 we have a DQ against Bret thanks to Diesel. Shame it didn’t go down clean. Match rating – A-. Surpreme stuff. Nearly 30 minutes of Bret working the body part to the point where even Taker was selling it. Awesome.

Best matches –
3. Triple H v Duke Droese. Trips was even good back in 1996 only no one noticed because he was so low on the card. Still he worked in loads of selling and psychology in a 6 minute match against a jobber on a free for all match. Respect the man.
2. Rumble match. Slow in places but interesting to note what the likes of Fatu, Kama, Ringmaster, Isaac Yankem went on to become. Michaels is great and his bits with Owen were a highlight.
1. Bret Hart v Undertaker. Bret was the best at working the body part. A joy, a joy to behold.

Overall PPV rating –
C+. An awesome main event doesn’t make up for a shoddily booked undercard. Goldust’s match with Razor Ramon was particularly horrible. Ahmed Johnson managed to remind me how much I hate him in his match with the excellent Jeff Jarrett.

Repost - WWF No Way Out 2000

2008-05-04T18:48:00.000-07:00

The Furious Flashbacks – No Way Out 2000

In the weeks leading up to this it had been established that Mick Foley was going to either win the WWF title and go on to main event Wrestlemania or Mick Foley would end his career inside the devastating Hell in a Cell. Mick had every intention of going up to the top of the Cell and diving off onto the prone Triple H. They’d already wrestled a 5 star classic at the Royal Rumble and this is the sequel.

This PPV will be graded according to the Furious Grading Scale. FGS grades are as follows -

A One of the greatest matches anywhere, ever.
A- Damn near perfect
B+ Excellent
B Very Good
B- Good
C+ Average
C Mediocre
C- Bad
D Terrible
F Hulk Hogan
U or Ungraded = Hacksaw Jim Duggan v Ultimate Warrior v Goldberg in a submissions only Ironman match. My worst nightmare.

Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler welcome us to No Way Out and tell us that Cactus Jack must win tonights main event or his career is over.

IC title – Chris Jericho (c) v Kurt Angle

Angle is already the European champion and is on the rise to greatness. Chyna is in Chris Jericho’s corner (because of the mutual respect they gained from Jericho breaking her thumb with a hammer). Jericho cuts a face promo that was just begging to be a heel one. Angle drop toe holds Jericho onto the bottom rope in a cool spot. Jericho back drops him to the floor and hits a springboard drop kick. I’ve just noticed that one year later Angle was WWF champ and 2 years later Jericho was. Jericho gets whipped towards the ring steps and instead jumps onto them and hits an asai moonsault off the steps except he comes up a bit short and lands head first. Angle with a belly to belly superplex. Angle pops off another suplex for a 2 count. Double arm backbreaker from Y2J for a 1 count. German suplex from Angle and a “woo” to the crowd. Another 2 count for Angle. Jumping arm breaker from Angle and he’s working over Jericho’s left arm. Angle runs right into a spinning heel kick though. Bulldog from Jericho. Flying forearm from Jericho straight into a cover for a 2 count. Angle goes for a hurracurana so Jericho powerbombs him and then powerbombs him again without letting go. Nice use of psychology afterwards because he injured his own arm. 2 count for Jericho but Angle pops straight into a brutal armbar. Jericho rolls through and Angle slaps on a cross armbreaker. Angle Slam but Jericho kicks out. Angle gets upset and bails to get his belt. Angle walks right into a Walls of Jericho. Angle makes the ropes. Angle grabs the IC belt on the outside and goes to waffle Chyna with it but she ducks. Jericho shoves Angle into Chyna and she’s hurt herself on the ring steps. Jericho suplexes Angle back in and hits the Lionsault but Angle has the belt still and hits Jericho in the face as he comes down. Cool. Angle pins at 10.13 and is now the Euro-continental champion. Match rating – B+. Really good match for an opener.

WWF tag titles – New Age Outlaws (c) v The Dudley Boys

Billy has a torn rotator cuff coming into this match so don’t expect to see much of him. He’s actually holding his arm down at his side. Road Dogg and Buh Buh start it out with Buh Buh no selling Road Dogg’s shaky punches and hitting the Buh Buh bomb. D-Von hits the top rope groin butt and RD is isolated already. RD gets a 2 off a sunset flip. D-Von hits his spinning back elbow and the Dudleys have made plenty of tags. RD with a superplex on Buh Buh. Billy tags in and hits a couple of back drops one handed. FameAsser on D-Von but Buh Buh breaks the count. Buh Buh hits Billy in the arm with a lead pipe and that’s the end of him. 3-D on RD and it’s over at 5.21. Match rating – C. Poor tag match which was mostly the WWF’s fault for putting an injured Billy Gunn in this match.

We cut to Kurt Angle celebrating in the lobby with a load of fans. Is it Angle celebration day already?

Mark Henry v Viscera

This is happening because Viscera splashed the “pregnant” Mae Young. This whole storyline was just a complete waste of TV time. This is just ugly. JR points out that if you’re rating this match it won’t score many stars. So true. Big Vis clotheslines Henry out to the floor. Henry gets whipped into the ring steps. Vis sets up the ring steps on their end and whips Henry into them again. Crowd is chanting “boring”. Vis with a samoan drop which should bring the crowd back into it but I think they’d had enough. Mae Young comes out. Belly to belly slam on Henry (from Vis not Mae). Vis shoves Mae over and goes for the splash but Henry puts him over and slams him for 3 at 3.45. Match rating – F. Uglier than a bowling shoe.

Backstage Jericho threatens to put an end to Angle’s celebrations. Billy Gunn is telling paramedics that he can’t move his arm and that he’s not a very good wrestler. Ok, I made that second bit up.

Number one contender match – The Hardy Boyz w/Terri v Edge/Christian

Terri is back after being put through a table by the Duds. The APA are at ringside to protect Terri. Jeff misses his corkscrew moonsault in the early going. Hardyz hit a double team drop kick and lose the shirts to a girly pop. Matt with a nice side suplex on Christian. Jeff leaps in over the ropes so Christian drop kicks him out again. Air Hardyz onto Christian. Jeff with a springboard moonsault which gets a 2 count. Hardys with a double flapjack type move. Matt goes for a Razor’s Edge but Christian gets out and hits a neckbreaker. Christian springboards over the ropes onto Matt while Jeff gets rolled up for 2 by Edge. Spinning pancake bomb from Christian on Jeff. Christian drop toe hold’s Edge into Jeff’s groin. Interesting. Edge slaps on a dragon sleeper. Edge and Jeff run through a sequence of reversals before Edge spikes Jeff with a piledriver. Jeff comes back with a hurracurana. Jeff goes for another but Edge reverses into a massive Tiger Bomb. Christian tags in and hits a powerslam. Edge tags back in and we have a Matrix style double hair pull thing. Matt drops an elbow on Edge while the ref is distracted. Edge comes back with a spinebuster on Jeff. Edge comes off the top and Jeff hits a drop kick upward to cut him off. Matt hits a neckbreaker and a sleeper slam after tagging in against Christian. Edge hits a roll up on Matt while Jeff hits a crossbody on Christian and we have a double pin but both guys kick out. No idea who is legal here. The Hardyz hit a splash/leg drop combo from the ropes and Edge breaks up the pinfall. The Hardyz go for Poetry in Motion (or Air Hardyz whatever) and Edge spears Jeff as he comes off Matt’s back. Sweet. Edge misses a spear on Matt and Matt counters into the twist of fate. Christian goes for the Unprettier on Matt but Matt counters into an atomic drop. When did Matt become the master of counters? Jeff heads upstairs and Terri pushes him off. Terri slaps Matt and Christian hits the Unprettier. It’s over at 15.17. Match rating – B+. Another fine match. Shame Terri had to interfere but that was the end of their little interaction.

After the match Faarooq nearly kills Jeff Hardy with a gutwrench powerbomb. He landed on his neck. Damn. The APA kicked the Hardyz asses because they were bothering Terri and Terri paid for protection. JR calls Terri “a little bitch”. Edge seems happy with the win backstage but Christian seems worried about how they won. Big Show complains about having beaten the Rock at the rumble (because Rock botched the spot at the end of the match) and having to wrestle here again tonight.

Tazz v Big Bossman w/Prince Albert

I forget why Albert has been put with Bossman here but they assaulted Tazz earlier on Sunday Night Heat. Tazz made a huge debut a month earlier but has already been dropped down to face these 2 zeros. “ECW” chant breaks out early. Avalanche from Bossman and the crowd is so dead. Clothesline from Tazz and a t-bone Tazzplex. Tazzmission. Albert does a run in to save Bossman jobbing clean in a minute. So? Match time – 1.11. Huge heat from the crowd for the run in and Tazz fights against both men after the bell. Match rating – F. The crowd is still chanting “bullshit”.

Angle is still celebrating, up in the cheap seats, with a megaphone. Angle is so excellent.

Kane v X-Pac – no holds barred

Kane has Paul Bearer in his corner and X-Pac has Tori in his corner after X-Pac turned on Kane and then Tori turned on him. Poor bugger. We get a recap of Kane tombstoning Tori on an episode of RAW. I remember that. Good show. Kane starts out violently and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. They fight out to entranceway where X-Pac waffles Kane with a trashcan until Kane takes it off him and bends it over X-Pac’s head. Kane just beats on X-Pac like a red haired step child. Kane grabs the ring steps but misses waffling X-Pac with them. X-Pac nails Kane with the ring bell. Paul Bearer decks X-Pac. Bearer chases Tori around the ring. X-Pac drop kicks Kane while Kane is setting up for the top rope clothesline. X-Pac hits the bronco buster. Kane back up with a huge clothesline. X-Pac drop kicks the knee cap in a clever move. Chant of “X-Pac sucks” breaks out. X-Pac hits a spinning heel kick, a low blow and an X-Factor. X-Pac levels Paul Bearer and Kane is straight back up. Flying top rope clothesline from Kane. Chokeslam on X-Pac. Tori does a run in and gets tombstoned. Kane grabs the ring steps and goes to waffle X-Pac but X-Pac catches him coming in with a spinning heel kick and uses the steps to pin Kane for the upset win. Match time – 7.47. Match rating – C. Not good by any stretch of the imagination.

Dean Malenko/Chris Benoit/Perry Saturn w/Eddy Guerrero v Rikishi/Too Cool

This is the first time the “Radicals” have competed on PPV since their jump from WCW. Rikishi is carrying a bad ankle injury which is heavily taped. Guerrero has brought in a lead pipe but Rikishi takes it off him and waffles him in the dislocated elbow with it. GMS hits an early hip hop drop kick on Saturn. Inziguri to follow up but Benoit comes in. Bulldog on Benoit. Double faggot elbow drop from Too Cool. Scotty with a big suplex on Benoit. Rikishi comes in and cleans house except Malenko who just bails. Stinkface on Benoit. Malenko takes out Rikishi’s bad leg as he’s going for the Rikishi driver. Rikishi is selling the bad leg but still hits a superkick on Saturn with it. Stupid Scotty bulldog on Saturn and he signals for the worm but gets his ass kicked by Malenko. Big suplex from Benoit on Scotty. Drop toe hold with dropkick to the head combo from Malenko and Benoit. Malenko with a double arm suplex on Scotty. Backbreaker from Malenko and Saturn drops a huge knee onto the prone Scotty. Hurracurana from Saturn. Scotty counters a Benoit suplex for a 2 count (what the hell is this? The WWF signs 4 of the top guys from WCW and has them job to these 3 losers). Malenko with a pretty jumping calf kick on Scotty. Rikishi driver on Saturn and everyone is in. Scotty hits the worm on Saturn. Malenko takes out the leg of Rikishi again. GMS with the hip hop drop on Saturn. Diving headbutt from Benoit. This has gotten real messy. Everyone is down out on the floor while Malenko works the leg of Rikishi. Rikishi driver and a bonzai drop. That’s the end of the Radicals first WWF job at 13.32. Match rating – C-. Truly appalling considering the talent on one side of the ring. Rikishi and Too Cool just sucked the talent and heat out of this match.

Kurt Angle is still celebrating. Hehe. He’s wackier than a pet coon.

Wrestlemania main event qualifier – The Rock v The Big Show

Rock looks for a russian legsweep but Show powers out. Rock with a DDT. Rock goes for the Rock Bottom after less than a minute but Show powers out. Outside Show gets put into the ring steps. Earl Hebner isn’t calling for any count outs here but this match has spilled into the crowd. Rock back drops Show back into the ringside area. Show with a big powerslam. Rock blocks a russian legsweep and hits one of his own. Hey, psychology. Cool. Another DDT from the Rock. Show comes back with a sidewalk slam. Show gets a steel chair (this isn’t a no DQ match). Earl Hebner gets bumped. Big boot from Show. Slowstopper slowslam from the Big Slow. Timmy White and Earl Hebner argue over the cover and out comes Shane McMahon. Rock Bottom on Slow. People’s Elbow but Shane hits Rock with the chair in the middle of it. 3 count at 9.27. Show is going to Wrestlemania with Shane McMahon. Match rating – D.

In the back Kurt Angle is still celebrating so Jericho and Chyna jump him and dump in the trunk of his own car.

WWF title/Hell in a Cell – Triple H (c) w/Stephanie McMahon v Cactus Jack

Cactus discovers real early that there are about 12 chains on the door. There’s no way out. Steph reminds Cactus that “there’s no way out”. Convient that it occurred at this particular PPV. Trips gets backdropped over the ropes to the floor (not as spectacular as HBK’s fall). We have a chair in the ring already. Mick takes his first bump from the apron at about 4 minutes and follows it up with a double knee first bump into the steel steps. Cactus gets posted. Trips throws the ring steps at Cactus and hits him in the damn head with them. Ring steps on top of Cactus and Trips waffles them with a chair. Couple of big chair shots to Cactus as he comes back into the ring. DDT from the Game. Cactus with a double arm DDT onto the chair and it could have been over but Trips kicks out. Russian legsweep onto the chair and another 2 count. A chair is set up in the corner and Trips takes a seat but gets off and drop toe holds Cactus into it. Trips takes it to the floor and just throws Cactus against the Cell. Trips goes for a piledriver on the ring steps but Cactus reverses and slingshots Trips into the cell wall. Trips is busted. Cactus grates Trips face on the cell wall. Cactus picks up a chair and comes off the second turnbuckle to the floor with a chair assisted elbow to chants of “Foley”. Mick just busted his own nose BTW. Cactus throws the ring steps at Trips and it breaks the cell wall. Cactus throws himself through the cell wall and then throws Trips through. The crowd has gone nuts because now they can go up. Cactus piledrives Trips on the announce table and you can see Cactus is bleeding badly from the arm. Cactus goes to climb the cell but Steph holds onto him. Cactus pulls out the barbed wire 2x4. Trips tries to run into the crowd but gets waffled by the barbed wire 2x4. Trips tries to get away by climbing the cell. Cactus chases after the Game with the barbed wire 2x4. Cactus throws the 2x4 up first and Trips picks it up. Trips with the barbed wire 2x4 in Cactus’s face and my God he’s fallen off. Straight through the announce table. Nice “Holy shit” chant breaks out and JR pretends to break kayfabe by saying that “Mick is hurt, get someone out here”. Cactus gets back up and tries to throw a chair up which he can’t do. Cactus climbs back up and Trips waffles him with the 2x4. Cactus hits a low blow and gets the 2x4. Trips back bumps on the cell (dangerous). Trips nearly falls through another section of cage. Cactus suplexes Trips on top of the cage. Cactus with a double arm DDT. Cactus goes back to the 2x4 and lights it up. We now have a flaming 2x4 wrapped in barbed wire. Cactus clips Trips with it. Ouch. Cactus signals for the piledriver but Trips backdrops out of it and goes through the cell. The ring breaks where Cactus falls and the crowd work in a big “holy shit” chant. Trips face is a picture (it’s the – “what have I done” face). Trips climbs down and kicks Cactus and he starts moving. Trips looks completely overwhelmed. It’s a false dawn though because Trips just beats Cactus down and hits the pedigree for the win at 23.59. Match rating – A-. Not as great a spectacle as either the street fight at the rumble or the previous Foley HiaC but it is hard to ignore the quality of the match.

Mick Foley gets a massive standing ovation as he walks out. As he’s about to leave he turns back and salutes the crowd for one last time and you can see the tears in his eyes. Nobody left until Mick did. I’ve never seen anything like it.

Best matches –
1. Triple H v Cactus Jack. Not as good as their previous meeting at the Rumble but this was still great.
2. Edge/Christian v The Hardys. Much better than I remember. It was like watching the ladder match at No Mercy only without the ladders. Still loads of bumps.
3. Chris Jericho v Kurt Angle. Excellent opener with good heat. No major blown spots and Angle threw a load of tasty suplexes.

Overall PPV rating –
C+. I would have given it a much, much higher rating but if you overlook the 3 matches above there really isn’t anything else going on. At least 2 of the matches were just dreadful.

Repost - Over the Edge 98

2008-05-04T18:47:00.000-07:00

The Furious Flashbacks – Over The Edge ’98

Before you start thinking – no, this is not the one where Owen Hart died. This is the one from the previous year where Stonecold Steve Austin defended the WWF title against Dude Love. Before you start thinking that Dude Love matches suck this one was a little different. Vince McMahon desperately wanted to get the WWF title from champion Steve Austin and he recruited the Dude to capture the belt. Hence we got the corporate Dude Love complete with suit and false front teeth. He then went on to appoint Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco as match officials and Vince himself as the referee. Austin would win the title by Vince McMahon’s hand only.

This PPV will be graded on the Furious Grading Scale. FGS grades are as follows –

A One of the greatest matches anywhere, ever.
A- Damn near perfect
B+ Excellent
B Very Good
B- Good
C+ Average
C Mediocre
C- Bad
D Terrible
F Hulk Hogan
U or Ungraded = Hacksaw Jim Duggan v Ultimate Warrior v Goldberg in a submissions only Ironman match. My worst nightmare.

Jim Ross and Jerry “The King” Lawler welcome us to Steve Austin’s first major hurdle since winning the WWF title at Wrestlemania 14.

Legion of Doom (Hawk/Animal with Droz and Sunny) v DOA (Skull/8 Ball with Chainz)

This was after the O.L.D. had returned with a third member and a manager to cover up the fact that they couldn’t go anymore. DOA went on to be the Harris Brothers in WCW while Chainz was better know as Brian Lee. JR dates the O.L.D. on commentary when he points out they won the AWA tag titles in 1984. Hawk gets half isolated but demonstrates a perfect Hogan-esque no sell defence when he stands up out of a piledriver and then levels 8 Ball with a clothesline. Hawk actually looks badly out of shape but his timing is still pretty good. Hawk manages to miss a top rope clothesline and go flying out of the ring but fails to nail a simple clothesline in the ring. Blowing a clothesline. Oh dear. Hawk finally gets isolated properly by the DOA and they work him over with frequent tags (not that anyone notices - they’re identical). Animal even gets drawn into the ring by the DOA in some sound heel tag tactics. DOA then go to the completely inexcusable rest hold in a tag match. 5 minutes later Animal gets the hot tag and runs straight through both of the DOA. Animal nails a side suplex on 8 Ball but the DOA do the switch to confuse the O.L.D. but Animal powerslams the new man anyway and gets the 3 count. Match time – 15.55. Match rating – C-. Just really long with not much going on.

Out comes the Rock to talk to the fans here in Milwaukee. The Rock refers to himself as a blue chipper. He describes the locals ladies as “beer drinking, overweight, bearded, female pigs” and claims that’s why all the locals are drunk. Faarooq comes out to beat the hell out of the people’s champ ahead of their IC match later in the night. Faarooq goes to piledrive Rock on a chair but completely blows the spot and kicks the chair away. Rock is still down selling the neck. Segment rating – C-.

Jeff Jarrett w/Tennessee Lee v Steve Blackman

Tennessee Lee is in the ring and he’s here to introduce J-E-double F, J-A-double R-E-double T. It’s double J – ain’t he great! Blackman starts out attacking Jarrett out on the floor. Blackman military presses Jarrett back into the ring and nails a drop kick. Jarrett manages to get back into it after Blackman sets himself too early for a backdrop. Jarrett gets caught dropping from a kip up and Blackman delivers a nasty German suplex. Jarrett is tied into the tree of woe and Blackman goes outside to stretch Jarrett in the corner. Tennessee Lee begins to interfere by holding the leg of Blackman. Jarrett takes advantage of the distraction by whipping Blackman into the guardrail. Al Snow has appeared through the crowd and has joined the Spanish announce team dressed as a Mexican. Jarrett nails a nice drop kick back in the ring. Blackman misses a big splash off the second rope. Jarrett nearly gets caught with a backslide though. Snow is removed by security to loud chants of “head”. Jarrett goes to a sleeper (probably to check out Al Snow). Blackman gets out and goes straight to the sleeper but Jarrett suplexes him out of it. Blackman blocks a Jarrett suplex and nails one of his own. Blackman with a lethal kick as Jarrett comes off the ropes. Blackman nails Jarrett with one of his ‘sticks’ but only gets a two count. Lee nails Blackman with the discarded stick and Jarrett pins him for the 3. Match time – 10.28. Match rating – C. Nothing special from either man.

‘Marvellous’ Marc Mero v Sable

Sable is wrestling for her freedom from Mero while if Mero wins Sable is out of the WWF forever. Sable was supposed to pick someone to represent her but she chose to wrestle herself. Mero seems to have had a change of fortune and lies down for Sable but then reverses her and pins her. Ha, ha, ha. That Mero, what a card. Match time – 29 seconds. Match rating – hilarious but sadly – F.

Kaientai (Dick Togo/Mens Teioh/Sho Funaki) w/Yamaguchi-san v Taka Michinoku/Bradshaw

Bradshaw comes out to his awesome New Blackjacks music. Bradshaw press slams Taka onto Kaientai who are on the floor. Funaki and Taka start it out but Taka soon tags Bradshaw in. All of Kaientai run away from the rangy Texan. Bradshaw tags Taka back in and he gets isolated against Teioh. Kaientai continue to run away from the biggest man in the ring (as king points out he looks like Godzilla). Taka gives Togo a tornado DDT. Teioh does a pescado onto Bradshaw who catches him and slams him. Taka nails an Asai moonsault on Funaki. Togo with a wheelbarrow bomb on Taka. Funaki in with a standing vertical suplex on Taka. Teioh in with a double arm suplex. Togo uses remarkable speed and agility to nail a corkscrew splash. Togo nails a massive powerslam but Taka just keeps kicking out. Teioh and Funaki then nail Taka with a version of a 3-D except with a DDT instead of a neckbreaker. Bradshaw has to make the save. JR calls Bradshaw “a horse”. Togo with a Swanton Bomb on Taka which JR calls a headbutt. Excellent triple teaming from Kaientai – Boston Crab into a Camel Clutch into a drop kick to the face. Teioh with a piledriver on Taka. Taka fights back with some spinning heel kicks and tags in Bradshaw. Bradshaw catches Teioh in mid air while shrugging off the other two and slams him before nailing Funaki with a big powerbomb. Bradshaw with a release Tiger Suplex on Teioh. Taka with a missile dropkick and a Michinoku driver on Togo but the other two break up the count. Teioh with a chokeslam and Togo nails a huge Senton Bomb and pins Taka for the 3 count. Match time – 9.49. Match rating – B+. Awesome match but how come they let them have 10 minutes but gave the O.L.D. longer in their snoozefest.

Intercontinental title – The Rock (c) v Faarooq.

Rock is selling the neck injury from earlier in the night. But how much is he selling? It’s taken him 6 minutes so far to get to the ring and he still isn’t there. Ron Simmons was trained by Hiro Matsuda (the guy who trained Hogan – I am the fountain of knowledge). Faarooq quickly rips off Rock’s neck brace and starts beating the hell out of him. Rock goes for a strategic retreat after less than a minute of the match. Faarooq throws him back in. Rock gets control and lays in some terrible elbows on Faarooq. Scoop slam from Rock and he nails the People’s Elbow before it was a finisher and gets a two count. Sign in the crowd – “Goldberg fuckin sucks”. Strange how the WWF guys didn’t take that sign away. Faarooq with a big bearhug front slam and Rock is completely blown up after 5 minutes. Well maybe not completely but he’s spending a lot of time on the deck. Rock sneaks in a pin with his feet on the rope and this one’s over. Match time – 5.31. Match rating – D. Faarooq remembers after the match that he was meant to work the injured neck and piledrives Rock twice. The Nation runs down and beats the hell out of Faarooq but DX come out for the save.

Mask match – Kane w/Paul Bearer v Vader

This is a slobberknocker and no mistake. Vader dominates Kane in ways not seen to this point. Kane comes back with a suplex on Vader. Kane with a scoop slam on Vader. Impressive power. Then follows up with a clothesline from the top. Vader stiffs Kane with some big rights and lefts but Kane comes back with another clothesline. At 5.40 Kane gets Vader up with a chokeslam. Vader rolls outside and gets a wrench and he hits Kane in the gut and back with it. Big avalanche in the corner and a clothesline as Kane comes out. Vader misses a moonsault as Kane sits up and Kane has Vader up in the tombstone and gets the 3 count. Match time – 7.27. Match rating – C+. Could have been much worse. Vader gets unmasked and Paul Bearer puts the mask on and mimicks the Mastadon. Michael Cole interviews Vader after the match and he calls himself a “big fat piece of shit”. Hilarious.

Michael Cole does a presentation in the ring about wrestling legends (the WWF used to do this all the time). The first legend is Mad Dog Vachon (complete with his fake leg). The second legend is 2 time AWA champion The Crusher. Milwaukee is Crusher Country apparently. Amazingly Mad Dog is given some mic time on PPV. What? Jerry Lawler gets so upset with the situation he climbs into the ring and asks the Crusher to act his age but he’s worried he’ll drop dead. Crusher attacks Lawler but not after Lawler manages to knock Mad Dog’s wooden leg off. Lawler gets back into the ring and steals Mad Dog’s leg and tries to waffle the Crusher with it but has no luck. Lawler gets huge heel heat from the crowd. Segment rating – a waste of good PPV time or a chance to see Mad Dog Vachon get his leg ripped off on TV? You decide.

D-Generation X (Triple H, Road Dogg and Billy Gunn with X-Pac/Chyna) v The Nation (D’Lo Brown, Kama and Owen Hart with Mark Henry)

D’Lo and Road Dogg start it out. Road Dogg goes through his limited offence before tagging in Billy and D’Lo tags in Owen. Billy Gunn is also a horse according to JR. Billy shows his power with a gorilla press slam. Billy calls for another and Owen rolls out of it. Then he nails a spinning heel kick and a back body drop before going for a sharpshooter. Billy gets out and tags in Triple H. Tilt-A-Whirl backbreaker on Owen and Road Dogg tags in. RD with a leg drop. Triple H comes back in but Owen hits a low blow. Kama comes in for the first time and works Triple H over in the corner. Triple H tags Billy back in. Kama kicks the hell out of Billy and then tags him with some hard rights. Billy gets caught in the wrong part of town and gets worked over in the heel corner. D’Lo has tagged in and Triple H gets back in. Triple H stomps a mudhole in D’Lo. DX with another tag and RD hits his shaky knee drop. The Outlaws work a double team on D’Lo. Gunn with a big suplex on D’Lo. Triple H tags in and hits a backbreaker. DX have had excellent tag team continuity thus far. X-Pac hits a cheap shot on D’Lo. Kama manages to get the tag and he levels RD with clotheslines. The heels work over RD in the corner and Owen tags in. Owen nails a piledriver but RD kicks out. Neckbreaker from Owen. D’Lo switches with Owen although they could have made the tag. Nice heel work. Chyna is looking dog ugly at ringside. D’Lo with the Sky High on RD. Owen and D’Lo do the no tag switch again (nice). RD nearly gets a pin on Owen but Owen gets out and puts RD in the sharpshooter but Triple H breaks it up again. Inziguri from Owen and he tags out. JR references back to when Owen put Shawn Michaels out with that move. RD has been isolated for a couple of minutes now and D’Lo hits him with a moonsault but only gets a two count. D’Lo misses a senton. Gunn comes in and cleans house and all 6 men are in the ring. Rocker Dropper on D’Lo from Billy. Triple H and Billy spike D’Lo with a piledriver on the European title belt. Owen sneaks in and gives Triple H the pedigree on the belt and gets the 3 count at 18.02. Match rating – C. Unbelievably poor considering the talent. Lots and lots of nothing. Lots of it.

WWF title (referee – Vince McMahon, timekeeper – Gerald Brisco, ring announcer – Pat Patterson) Stonecold Steve Austin (c) v Dude Love

Pat Patterson’s ring announcing manages to absorb (or perhaps suck) nearly 10 minutes of PPV time. The Undertaker appears pre-match (as if enough PPV time hadn’t been wasted already) to be in Austin’s corner. Austin starts out by giving Vince the finger. Vince responds by giving Dude Love one of the fastest counts in wrestling history. The crowd chant “Vince is gay”. That’s attitude for ya! Dude’s false front teeth fall out so Austin throws them into the crowd. Austin hits a Lou Thesz press and throws Dude to the floor. Dude reverses Austin into the steel steps and takes the advantage. Dude gets a two back in the ring off a side Russian legsweep. Austin gets back into it with a series of clotheslines and stomps the Dude in the corner. As he whips Dude out Dude slaps on the Mandible Claw but Austin gets out by tying him up in the ropes. Austin gets thrown into the Spanish commentators. Pat Patterson reminds the crowd that this match is no DQ.

Dude takes advantage of the new ruling by choking Austin with a mic cord. Austin retorts by whipping the Dude into Gerald Brisco and clotheslining the Dude into the front row. Ouch. The Dude landed right on his head. Austin drags Dude back into the ring but misses a leap onto Dude’s back over the rope. Dude hits a neckbreaker on the floor as Austin had bailed. Patterson tells the crowd that falls count anywhere.

Dude gets a two count off a backslide in the aisleway. There are various cars parked in the entranceway as part of the show’s gimmick. Austin gets backdropped onto a car. Dude utilises the car by slamming Austin’s head into the hood. Dude takes a flapjack onto another car. Austin goes for a stunner on top of a car and Dude throws him off and over another car. Damn that’s a big bump for a man with his injuries. Dude sunset flips him off the car and onto concrete. Dude waffles Austin with a lead pipe and Austin is busted. Dude suplexes Austin on concrete. Dude misses an elbow from a car and lands hard on concrete. Back in the ring Patterson trips Austin and hands Dude a chair. Dude works Austin over with the chair but only gets a two count. Dude catches a boot into a chair in the corner and Austin gets back up with the chair. Dude is KO’d but Vince doesn’t count. Dude gets back up and misses a chairshot that connects with Vince. Damn that was a stiff shot too. Austin hits the stunner on Dude Love and Mike Kiyota comes in to count but Patterson pulls him out. Dude locks in the Mandible Claw and Austin is down. Patterson and Brisco both try to make the count for Dude but Taker intervenes. He chokeslams Patterson and Brisco through the announce tables. In the ring Austin is back up. Stunner! Austin counts Dude down with Vince’s unconscious hand. Austin retains at 19.03. Match rating – B+. A bumpfest considering how hurt both guys always were.

Best matches –
3.Kane v Vader. Decent big man encounter and great display of strength from Kane. Who says I never give the guy credit?
2.Kaientai v Taka Michinoku/Bradshaw. Shame nothing ever came of this little Japanese invasion.
1. Steve Austin v Dude Love. The WWF title. Nice to see a good match in the main event in 1998. This was before Austin gave up bumping because of his neck injury and it shows.

Overall PPV rating –
Outside of the main event the show isn’t that great but I think everyone at the time bought it for the main event anyway. If you like Austin and/or Foley this is worth a watch. Otherwise – there are better shows. PPV grading – C+. I can’t give any higher based on all the meaningless filler.

Repost - WWF No Mercy 99

2008-05-04T18:46:00.000-07:00

The Furious Flashbacks – WWF No Mercy 1999

Triple H has just gone out of his way to ‘cripple’ Steve Austin and a month later he’d go a step further at Survivor Series but for the time being he’ll settle for in ring battle. Triple H’s star was swiftly on the rise and with Austin approaching his year out it was time for a change of the guard. Or was it? Stay tuned.

This PPV will be graded on the Furious Grading Scale. FGS grades are as follows –

A One of the greatest matches anywhere, ever.
A- Damn near perfect
B+ Excellent
B Very Good
B- Good
C+ Average
C Mediocre
C- Bad
D Terrible
F Hulk Hogan
U or Ungraded = Hacksaw Jim Duggan v Ultimate Warrior v Goldberg in a submissions only Ironman match. My worst nightmare.

JR and the King introduce No Mercy and out comes the Godfather.

Godfather v Mideon w/Viscera

This is not a good way to start a PPV. Godfather tells Mideon he doesn’t pimp any farm animals. Godfather starts out with a big ass powerslam. Godfather does his ‘surpreme fighting’ kick that I thought he dropped when he turned face. Godfather gets distracted by Viscera going after his ho’s. Of course Big Vis pummels Godfather and rolls him back in. Mideon goes to a sleeper. Godfather fights out but misses a Ho Train. Mideon with a scoop slam and then misses with an elbow from the second rope. Godfather in return misses a second rope splash. Godfather with a Ho Train and a roll up for 3 at 7.31. Match rating – F.

We get a 3 minute promo from Triple H backstage where he talks about how he’s got Austin all pissed off. Theres a recap of Triple H faking rattlesnake wounds the previous week. The No Mercy 99 music completely sucks. It sounds like German uber-dance. Ivory is interviewed and runs down her opponent – Fabulous Moolah. “This will be one for the ages” – JR. “Yeah – ages 70 and 80” – King.

WWF womens title – Ivory (c) v Fabulous Moolah w/Mae Young

Moolah is in her 70’s so you can guess how good this is going to be. Ivory hits a drop kick for a near fall in the early going. Moolah still manages a couple of snap mares which is nice. Moolah misses a first rope splash and in comes Mae Young. Ivory belts Mae off the apron and King is laughing his ass off. Moolah goes out to the floor and Ivory completely misses a suicide dive. Ivory knocks Mae Young off the apron again with a belt shot which might have broken her hip and Moolah rolls Ivory up for 3. Good lord. Match time – 2.55. Match rating – U

New Age Outlaws v The Hollys

This was for the tag team titles but the Rock and Sock Connection took the titles the week beforehand. Road Dogg hits all his ‘shaky’ offence but then gets isolated by the cousins. Hardcore hits a beautiful vertical suplex. Hardcore also hits his tremendous drop kick. Road Dogg takes his time but comes back with a superplex. Road Dogg was beat up for 9 and a half minutes before managing to tag in Billy. Couple of press slams, couple of stinger splashes and a jackhammer. Hardcore throws a chair in so Billy hits the Fame Asser on Crash onto the chair. The referee sees the chair and calls for a DQ against the Outlaws at 10.23. Match rating – C+. Outlaw tag match.

IC title – Jeff Jarrett (c) w/Miss Kitty v Chyna – Good Housekeeping match

This match came about because Jarrett told Chyna the womens place is as a happy homemaker. Therefore anything from the house is legal in this match. Jarrett was also wrestling despite his contract being up and therefore charged the WWF $250,000 to drop the title and turned up on Nitro the next night. Chyna starts off with a basic suplex and then she batters Jarrett with a trash can. Clothesline with a broom and then a couple of stiff shots with a frying pan. Toilet seat to the head of Jarrett. Stiff shot with a trash can lid. Chyna sets Jarrett up a table but misses an elbow from the apron and Chyna smashes herself through the table. Jarrett gets himself a two count. Jeff takes a trash can to the head of Chyna and then pastes her with a piece of fish. Ironing board into the ring and Jarrett bounces Chyna’s head off it. The old ‘flour in the eyes’ trick backfires on Jarrett and Chyna assaults Miss Kitty. Jarrett comes back in with a figure 4 leglock. Chyna makes the ropes. Chyna gets a hold of some tongs and grabs Jarrett in the crotch with them. Ouch. We have a couple of pie shots and the ring is a mess. Kitchen sink to the head of Jarrett. Chyna gets slammed on a cake (how hardcore is that?) Jarrett takes his IC belt to Chyna’s head and takes the pin at 8.32 but the officials decide the IC belt isn’t a household object and henceforth isn’t legal in this match. Jarrett goes to put the figure 4 on the referee for making the bad call and Chyna waffles him with the acoustic equaliser for the pin at 10.00. Match rating – B-. Fun match and Chyna had to go over because of Jarrett’s departure. Shame. Kitty leaves with Chyna in order to keep her job.

The Rock v British Bulldog

Each man has cost the other the WWF title in recent weeks so they’re wrestling each other. Bulldog waffles Rock with a steel chair outside the ring but doesn’t fold it up. Ouch. Rock reverses Bulldog into the ring steps though. Bulldog comes back and slams Rock on the announce table. Back inside the Bulldog does his upside down Flair corner bump and it looks like he nearly broke his neck. Horrible swinging neckbreaker from the People’s Chump. Bulldog with a vertical suplex for a two count. Rock botches a Samoan drop so badly that the crowd don’t even cheer. DDT from the Rock and a two count. Bulldog with a running powerslam and Rock gets his foot on the rope to prevent a 3 count. Rock squirms out of a second running powerslam and hits the Rock Bottom. People’s Elbow and a 3 count at 7.19. Match rating – C. Very poor in places courtesy of Rock’s shoddy offence and Bulldog being out of shape.

The next match is a ladder tag team match because of the Terri Runnels invitational tournament. The T.I.T. had been a series of matches between the Hardys and Edge/Christian which was a best of 7. The 7th and final match was here on PPV and the winner would be the team that gained the services of Terri. The Hardys were still under the tutelege of Gangrel at the time.

Tag team ladder match – Edge/Christian v The New Brood (the Hardy Boys)

Matt nearly gets beheaded on the first exchange when he gets caught in the ropes. The crowd is really quiet at the start because they know something will happen and they start a little slow. The Hardys call for Gangrel to bring in the ladders and ref boots him for being trouble at ringside. Jeff goes for the first ladder and Edge drop kicks it into his face. Matt goes for the other ladder and Christian hits him with a plancha. Jeff gets trapped behind a ladder in the corner of the ring with the ladder jammed into the canvas and Christian runs up the ladder and hits a drop kick. Sweet. Matt gets whipped into the ladder and Edge is whipped in after him but misses with the crossbody and gets nothing but ladder. Christian hits a reverse DDT on Jeff from half way up the ladder. Christian goes up and Matt side suplexes him off the ladder. Matt goes up and Edge stands underneath and powerbombs him off. Edge climbs the ladder and Jeff drop kicks him off. The Hardys lie the ladder down and slam Edge on it. Swanton bomb onto Edge onto the ladder. Ouch. Christian gets whipped into the ladder – followed up with a poetry in motion. Ladder clothesline on Christian. The Hardys set the ladder up in the corner and Jeff slingshots the ladder and legdrops Christian. Wow. Ladder over Christian and a moonsault onto it from Matt. Edge makes it to nearly the top of the ladder and Matt throws another ladder at him and knocks him off. The Hardys set up another ladder clothesline and Christian crossbodies off the top rope into the ladder to take them out. Ladder to the groin of Matt and then E + C double drop kick the ends of it into Matt’s crotch. That had to hurt. Jeff is sandwiched between the ladder and Edge wheelbarrow slams Christian onto the ladder. Ladder set up in the corner and Matt gets flapjacked into it. 2 ladders set up under the belts now. Downward spiral on Jeff off the ladder by Edge. Awesome. Matt with a neckbreaker off the ladder on Edge. Ow. Christian hip tosses Jeff over the top off the ladder. E + C set up 2 ladders in the corner – one on top of the other so they act like a see-saw. Christian and Matt fight over the see-saw while Jeff hits the turnbuckle with a butt splash onto the other end of the see-saw and he knocks Matt and Christian down. Possibly the coolest spot in the history of the ladder match. Both ladders are set up under the belts again and all 4 men get bumped onto the ropes and Matt ends up on the floor. Ladders both set up again and all 4 men go up. Matt gets pushed off but as he falls he knocks the other ladder over. Jeff jumps from one ladder to the other knocks Edge off and grabs the cash bag for the win at 16.29. Match rating – A-. Bumptacular.

Rock comes out and cuts a promo telling the crowd that he’ll take on the winner of tonights main event. Triple H jumps The Rock as he leaves the ring area and batters him with a sledgehammer to chants of “asshole”. Wicked.

Val Venis v Mankind

Mick was nearing the end of his career here and this isn’t a shining example of his abilities. At least he retired at the top. Mick goes after Mr Rocco who was in the shorts of Val. Mick sets up a chair at ringside and Val suplexes him onto it. Mick lands on the back of his head. Ouch. Mick slaps on the mandible claw so Val shoves him head first into the ring post. Val is working over Mick’s head. Chair in the ring and Val hits a russian leg sweep onto the chair. Mick misses a double arm DDT so Val mounts him and slams his head off a canvas a few times. Clothesline to the back of the head and then a knee drop to the back of the head. Bulldog from Val. Elbow from the second rope to the back of the head. Val misses the Money Shot. Double arm DDT from Mick but Val kicks out at 2. Out comes Mr Socko and Val puts on Mr Rocco and we have a duelling mandible and testicular claw. And so it came to pass that Mick Foley got pinned from a testicular claw at 10.14. A dark day. Match rating – C+

4 corner elimination match – Kane v X-Pac v Bradshaw v Faarooq

X-Pac goes for an early pescado on Bradshaw but gets caught and slammed into the ringpost. Acolytes with a double team on Kane. Kane manages an inziguri on Faarooq. X-Pac tags in to fight Kane. Bizarre. X-Pac hits a few kicks that don’t do anything so Kane takes his head off with a clothesline and in comes Bradshaw again and X-Pac tags out and the Acolytes are fighting each other. Faarooq pushes X-Pac into Bradshaw’s clothesline from hell and Kane breaks up the pinfall. X-Pac with a version of his X-Factor finisher on Faarooq and so Bradshaw tags back in. X-Pac goes outside and Faarooq bounces his head off the ring steps. Bradshaw catches X-Pac so Kane kicks Bradshaw in the face and X-Pac gets a 2 count. Faarooq with a big powerslam on X-Pac and Kane saves him again. X-Pac comes back with a tornado DDT on Bradshaw. Kane tags in and hits a flying clothesline on Bradshaw. Bradshaw with a big boot to the face of Kane but Kane comes back up with a chokeslam and pins Bradshaw at 8.25. X-Pac hits a spinning heel kick from the top rope on Kane and pins him at 8.37. X-Pac is such an ingrate. Kane saved him twice so X-Pac pins him. Faarooq threatens to powerbomb X-Pac through the announce table but X-Pac escapes. Back in the ring – spinebuster slam from Faarooq. Faarooq comes off the second rope and X-Pac meets him with an X-Factor for the pin and the match at 10.16. Match rating – B-. Quite good despite X-Pac.

WWF title – Triple H (c) v Steve Austin

Trips comes out with a sledgehammer and Vince McMahon takes it off him so obviously Trips punks him out. Austin jumps Trips in the entranceway and it’s underway. Austin whips Triple H’s ass all over the entranceway and all through the crowd. He steals someone’s crutch and breaks it over Triple H’s back. Austin suplexes Trips in aisleway and clocks him with a camera boom. Trips gets crotched on the guard rail and Austin clotheslines him into the front row. Trips comes back by slamming Austin’s head into the ring steps. After 7 and a half minutes they finally get into the ring. Trips goes for that neck choke that he used early in 2002 and I thought he never used before. Austin hits a stunner but the ref is down on the floor thanks to an earlier collision. Theres another ref bump as Trips reverses another stunner and Trips hits a pedigree and another ref comes down but Trips only gets a two count. Trips and Earl Hebner get in a shoving competition. Lou Thesz press and right hands from Austin. Trips gets thrown into the announce table and Trips is busted. Trips is whipped into the steel a couple of times and Austin chokes him with a length of wire. Trips with the ring bell and Austin is down. Trips suplexes Austin onto the Spanish announce table and it doesn’t break. Trips starts working the knee of Austin which he injured at Summerslam. Trips wraps Austin’s leg around the ring post. Trips works the knee Bret Hart style. Trips gets a 2 from a knee to the face. Trips gets a chair but loses it to Austin. Trips hits a low blow and a clothesline. Trips heads upstairs but Austin cuts him off and hits a superplex for a 2 count. They fight over the chair but Austin decks Trips and works him over with numberous chair shots. This is so over. Rock does a run in with a sledgehammer but misses Trips and nails Austin. Trips hits a pedigree on Rock and pins Austin for the 3 at 21.55. Match rating – B+. Much better than I remember.

Best matches –
3. Chyna v Jeff Jarrett. Entertaining hardcore-style match. If anyone can carry Chyna it’s Jarrett.
2. Triple H v Steve Austin. Good match with strong chair based psychology and use of previous ending at Summerslam. Clever.
1. The Hardy Boys v Edge/Christian. Cool tag ladder match. I’m amazed there was no follow up to this in the same scenario. I guess it was because of the table matches which followed it and hence TLC.

Overall PPV rating –
B+. Lots of entertaining stuff which far outweighed the bad (i.e. the opening 2 matches). The ladder match was the spark for the Hardys table match with the Dudleys and the following TLC clashes involving all 3 teams. This is where it all began. That match alone is worth checking out but, like I said, the rest of the show isn’t bad either.

Repost - ECW November to Remember 98

2008-05-04T18:45:00.000-07:00

The Furious Flashbacks – ECW November To Remember 1998.

As ECW scored so highly in their first offering in these flashbacks I thought I’d go for another ECW PPV from 1998 – their annual November to Remember. For this PPV Taz had allied himself with RVD and Sabu for the first time since those 2 men double crossed Taz in 1997. The reason for this alliance – the Triple Threat of Shane Douglas, Bam Bam Bigelow and Chris Candido. Read on…

This PPV will be graded on the Furious Grading Scale. FGS grades are as follows –

A One of the greatest matches anywhere, ever.
A- Damn near perfect
B+ Excellent
B Very Good
B- Good
C+ Average
C Mediocre
C- Bad
D Terrible
F Hulk Hogan
U or Ungraded = Hacksaw Jim Duggan v Ultimate Warrior v Goldberg in a submissions only Ironman match. My worst nightmare.

Some tool interviews Jack Victory and Lance Wright in the parking lot but New Jack assaults Jack Victory while calling him a bitch. ECW security drag New Jack away. Segment rating – C+. Sweary.

We’re in New Orleans, Louisiana. N2R is supposed to be ECW’s Wrestlemania but in reality that means more violence and less wrestling. While Joey is talking about Taz and RVD in his introduction Terry Funk appears up near the roof and starts to climb down while the crowd chant “Terry”. “Terry is that you?” – Joey Styles. Terry has his professor of Funk U hat on. “I am very knowledgable at anti-social behaviour” – Funk. Funk claims no one invited him to Louisiana so “Funk U Tommy Dreamer you stinking filthy pile of shit”. He calls Dreamer’s daddy a crackhead and his mother a whore. Dreamer comes out to face Funk. Funk continues to abuse Dreamer and throws the mic at him. Segement rating – B-. Terry Funk outswears New Jack shocker.

The Blue Meanie/Super Nova v Danny Doring/Road Kill

This is back when Nova was fat and Road Kill said more than “chickens”. Doring upsets Nova so Nova takes his gloves off. We’re about 2 moves into the match and out comes Terry Funk again with his own cameraman. Nova nails an x-factor on Doring. The cameras are ignoring the match and focusing on Funk. Funk assaults Steven DeAngelis and takes over as timekeeper. “He’s a poor excuse for a wrestler. He never would have made it in the school of hard knocks” – Funk about Meanie. Meanie with a big neckbreaker on Road Kill. Nova and Meanie double power bomb Doring. Doring and Road Kill argue about the miscommunications. Nova dives through the ropes onto the opposition on the floor. Meanie nails his People’s Legdrop. Funk gets up on the apron and slaps the Meanie. Meanie nails Funk and Funk fails the break the table on the way down. He’s so upset he gets back up and puts himself through a table. Funk breaks off a section of table. I’ve just noticed the referees shirts are horrible. White with bits of purple and yellow. Urgh. Road Kill mounts the top turnbuckle for a big Amish splash on Nova. Doring with the G-spot sweep on Nova. Nova comes back with a Sledge-o-matic. Hard to explain what that is – powerbomb into an elbow drop. Sort of. Nova and Meanie hit their top rope moves on Doring and it should have been over but Road Kill saves. Blue Light special on Doring (inverted powerbomb with a DDT – sweet) and it’s over. Nova and Meanie win. Funk levels the blue boys with a piece of table. Paul Heyman tries to convince Funk to leave before Terry double leg’s a security guard. Match rating – C. Nova and Doring get better than this. Funk was far too distracting.

Tracey Smothers v Tommy Rogers

Smothers is accompanied by FBI members Little Guido, the big Don Tommy Rich and new member Ulf Hermann who’s quite blatantly German. Rogers is accompanied by Chris Chetti. Rogers cuts the worst promo I’ve ever heard outside of Chyna interviews. Smothers is pretty washed up at this point in time. Hermann interferes with a trip on Rogers. Smothers spends more time taunting than RVD. Hermann interferes again as the referee is distracted. Chetti makes a point of slamming his head into the ringpost to make amends and beats him back to the locker room. Guido hits an Italian legsweep as the ref is distracted yet again. Rogers is being permanentally outnumbered. The FBI do nail the Pisan double elbow drop which is possibly the least heterosexual move in all of wrestling. When Rogers does make his comeback he dropkicks all 3 FBI members in sequence. Rogers nails the Tommy-Kaze which is the Unprettier that Christian uses. Rogers invented it. Rogers gets the fall. Match rating – D. Well it was Smothers but it was 4 on 1 most of the match. Not good. Smothers jerky 80’s selling got annoying after 5 seconds.

Chris Chetti v Tommy Rich

Although I’m sure this wasn’t an official match it did have some excellent Chetti top rope stuff before a double flip moonsault on Rich. Rogers counts the 3. Match rating – D.

Ulf Hermann/Mabel v Little Spike Dudley

Hermann and Mabel assault Chetti and Rogers and out comes the giantkiller Spike Dudley. Spike gets battered by two huge men. Mabel splashes himself through a table after missing Spike. Spike nails Hermann with the Acid Drop. Mabel misses a splash on Spike and squashes Hermann. Spike gives Mabel the Acid Drop as well. Winner – Spike Dudley. Match rating – F. Ok, Spike can beat two big men. So what.

Lance Storm w/Tammy Lynn Bytch (aka Dawn Marie) v Jerry Lynn

There are two special referees for this match – Mikey Whipwreck and Tammy Lynn Sytch aka Sunny. Even before this match has started I know Tammy will attempt to ruin it being that she’s a crack whore. Lynn and Storm start out with some sweet counter wrestling. Tammy annoys me. I missed most of the first five minutes commentary wise but the counter wrestling was nothing short of a joy to behold. Safe to say both men are among my favourite technicians of all time. Tammy takes so long to get down she messes up the near fall sequence that Storm and Lynn pull off with unbelievable ease. Tammy asks Lance Storm if he gives up in the stupidiest holds. It’s driving me crazy. Lynn goes through the ropes and takes Storm over on the floor with a flying headscissors. Rolling shoulder block from Lynn. Bytch scratches Lynn’s back. Storm shows off his agility with a springboard clothesline. Tammy’s voice is starting to grate. Lynn uses a tilt-a-whirl-flying headscissors. Bytch interferes again and Tammy warns her “one more time and he’s outta here”. Lance Storm clears the ropes and wipes out Lynn on the floor. Lynn counters a powerbomb but walks into a version of Jeff Jarrett’s Stroke. Storm puts Lynn into the Mexican surfboard. Storm hits Lynn with a nice dropkick. Tammy’s counts on Storm are getting faster and faster. Storm superkicks Lynn and gets the slowest count ever. Lynn does a beautiful counter into a suplex. Lynn counters a hurracurrana into a powerbomb. Lynn bridges out of a cover and nails Storm with a pedigree for a 2 count. Storm gets dropkicked off the top rope to the floor. Lynn nails his plancha to the floor. Storm connects with a belly to back superplex on Lynn. Bytch upsets Tammy again and they have a short bitch fight. Mikey breaks it up only to be slapped by Bytch so obviously Bytch gets the Whippersnapper. Lynn saves Tammy from the same fate and Lynn gets a Whippersnapper. Tammy still doesn’t count to three on the fallen Lynn. Tammy gives Storm the Whippersnapper. Mikey gives Tammy the Whippersnapper and counts Jerry Lynn down for the three. Match rating – B-. Tammy just broke up the whole rhythm of the match before she got nailed by Mikey Whipwreck. Mikey is my personal hero.

Terry Funk apologies to “the people of the United States for making a terrible, terrible ass of myself”. He then tells Joey that he’s going home forever. Terry Funk has left the building.

The Dudley Boys v Balls Mahoney/Masato Tanaka (ECW tag titles)

Tonight Joel Gertner is “hotter than tabasco sauce but loads easier to swallow”. Balls and Tanaka are accompanied by Axl Rotten. The Dudleys assault Tanaka’s head as he suffered head trauma a few weeks ago. Crowd break out a nice “Dudleys suck dick” chant. D-Von narrowily misses the People’s Headbutt. Balls gets the tag who comes straight in with a forg splash which Buh Buh breaks up. The faces backdrop D-Von onto Buh Buh, who’s on the floor. Tanaka follows them over with a pescado. Buh Buh Ray gets back in the ring and jumps over the top rope onto everyone on the floor. Joey breaks out his “Oh My God”. Tanaka with a running chair shot on Buh Buh. ROARING ELBOW on Buh Buh Ray. ROARING ELBOW on Buh Buh Ray again. ROARING ELBOW on referee Jim Molino who gets in the way. ROARING ELBOW on Buh Buh Ray and he’s down. Big Dick gets involved but Axl nails him with a chair. Sign Guy stiffs Axl with a couple of sign shots. Balls nails Sign Guy with a Nutcracker Suite. All 4 men are now in the ring with chairs. The faces get nailed but shrug the shots off and get nailed again and a third time and they finally go down. They both get back up and we have DOUBLE ROARING ELBOWS to the chairs, to the face of the Dudleys. Jeff Jones can’t quite make the three count though due to an “elbow injury”. He pulls out a Japanese dictionary to communicate with Tanaka and gets nailed with a Balls chair shot. Big Dick takes Balls out though and Tanaka gets the 3-D. Tanaka kicks out! You don’t kick out of the 3-D. How did he kick out of the 3-D? The Dudleys argue and both get hit with chairs but they both kick out of the double pin. Tornado DDT and a Nutcracker Suite on chairs and they both kick out! When did the Dudleys become superhuman? Balls gets a piledriver on a chair and Tanaka takes a tiger bomb from Buh Buh Ray. D-Von throws the timekeepers table into the ring while Buh Buh gets a table too. RVD and Sabu run in! The Dudleys get several chair shots and place the Dudleys on tables. RVD and Sabu mount the turnbuckles and nail the opposite tables to their turnbuckles. Awesome. Balls and Tanaka make the cover and win the belts. Match rating – B. Lots of Roaring Elbows.

Justin Credible/Jack Victory v Tommy Dreamer/Jake Roberts

Justin is accompanied by Chastity, Nicole Bass, Jason and Lance Wright. No pop for Dreamer. This crowd sucks. Jack Victory gets backdropped over the ropes in the first sequence and doesn’t move. Dreamer takes out the heels with a pescado. Credible is having to carry the match for the heels. Jack is on his feet but is clearly in a lot of pain. Nicole Bass is the ugliest man I’ve ever seen. Jason comes in and gets a DDT from Dreamer. Credible misses a baseball slide and crotches himself. Jake with a vicious low blow on Chastity. Who are the faces in this match? Dreamer Driver on Credible. Jason has now taken Jack Victory’s place in this match. Jake tags in. Pair of short arm clotheslines. Rod Price and One Man Gang do a run in and the crowd chant for “New Jack”. Accordingly New Jack and Kronus hit the ring. Kronus drives a shopping cart into several groins. Kronus nails a 450 splash on Justin Credible. 187 Diving Chair from New Jack on One Man Gang. Dreamer with a frog splash on Credible and we have a near fall. New Jack and all the others have gone. Spicolli Driver on Credible. Chastity with a receipt on Jake for the low blow. Dreamer piledrives Chastity. Jake low blows Nicole Bass and DDT’s her to a huge pop and a chant of “ECW”. Dreamer canes Jack Victory. Dreamer launces Credible into a ladder that he brought in. Jake DDT’s Credible on the ladder and gets the 3 count. C-. Schmoz.

Terry Funk comes out and verbally and then physically assaults Tommy Dreamer. “I’ll turn my fucking back on you but I’ll never fucking hit you” – Dreamer. Segment rating – C+. Funk could have at least piledriven him.

Shane Douglas/Chris Candido/Bam Bam Bigelow v Rob Van Dam/Sabu/Taz

“Lets call a spade a spade. Taz you’re no world champion. You’re a bitch, you’re a pussy, you’re a punk” – Shane Douglas. Shane eats up about 5 minutes of mic time by saying the same thing over and over again. The Dudleys attack RVD and Sabu before they hit the ring. Taz hits the ring and clears it. Head and arm superTazplex on Buh Buh Ray. Out on the floor RVD takes a nasty bump over the guardrail. Douglas nails the Pittsburgh Plunge on Sabu. Douglas and Candido double team the injured Sabu (in a neck brace, again). Bigelow and Taz have paired off on the outside. RVD nails Bam Bam with a chair on the outside. Sabu fucks up a move onto the top rope and jumps back up and planchas onto Douglas and Candido on the floor. RVD follows with a huuuuuge plancha. He probably only did it to upstage Sabu. Sabu nails a beautiful triple jump moonsault onto Douglas. Candido piledrives Sabu and Sabu kicks out at 2 and a half. Douglas takes the neck brace off Sabu. Candido delivers a stalling vertical suplex on Sabu. This brawl has degenerated into a match and Sabu is isolated. Candido puts Taz through a table off camera. RVD has replaced Sabu in the beating. Somehow Sabu is back into the beating and the triple threat is still in charge. RVD nails a leaping sidekick on Candido and follows up with a lightning fast 5 star frog splash. Taz throws Candido over his head in a massive release German suplex. Sabu throws a chair which hits Candido in the skull. Douglas is left alone in the ring with Taz and he backs off. RVD tries to break his leg by jumping into the crowd. Then he gets back up to the top rope and does it again. Douglas misses a kip up and he gets choked out. Sabu nails Taz and Douglas with an Arabian facebuster and gets the pin. Match rating – D. Extremely messy, at least 15 minutes too short and the crowd reaction was non-existent. Terrible main event.

Best matches –

3. Nova/Meanie v Doring/Road Kill. Decent tag match demonstrating the talents of one good team and Nova. Plus the Meaniesault rules.
2. Jerry Lynn v Lance Storm. Although Tammy Lynn Crack Whore tried to ruin it these guys are awesome.
1. The Dudley Boys v Tanaka/Mahoney. Solid tag encounter with loads of ROARING ELBOWS. The ROARING ELBOW is just awesome.

Overall PPV rating – D. Probably the worst ECW show ever. The main event was such a waste of talent and wasn’t well planned or well thought out. The undercard was incredibly weak and Tammy ruined the only showstealer. A travesty. The crowd hated it and so did everyone else and rightly so. On a sidenote it’s the single sweariest wrestling show I’ve ever seen.

Repost - ECW Living Dangerously 98

2008-05-04T18:44:00.000-07:00

The Furious Flashbacks – ECW Living Dangerously 1998

Welcome to the wacky world of extreme. Back in 1998 ECW was teaming with talent. Rob Van Dam’s star continued to rise, Tazz was beginning his run towards the very top of the profession and Shane Douglas was the ECW world heavyweight champion.

This PPV will be graded on the Furious Grading Scale. FGS grades are as follows –

A One of the greatest matches anywhere, ever.
A- Damn near perfect
B+ Excellent
B Very Good
B- Good
C+ Average
C Mediocre
C- Bad
D Terrible
F Hulk Hogan
U or Ungraded = Hacksaw Jim Duggan v Ultimate Warrior v Goldberg in a submissions only Ironman match. My worst nightmare.

The show starts out with footage from last night where Tazz arrives at the arena and walks in to survey the ring and the empty building while holding his TV title. “I’m ready”. Tazz will be defending against Bam Bam Bigelow. In a cool dissolve we flash forward 24 hours to the live PPV crowd. ECW was so cool. We’re at Asbury Park, New Jersey for ECW’s 4th PPV.

Jerry Lynn/Chris Chetti v Little Guido/Tracey Smothers of the FBI

Tracey Smothers sucks. Sorry, had to get that out of the way. Chetti starts out with Guido and gets a quick two count from a spinning heel kick. Both teams make quick tags. Lynn and Smothers chop away at each other in the corner. Lynn hits a kip up into a sunset flip and gets a two count. Lynn hits the ropes again and hits a crossbody for a two count. Guido comes in a misses an elbow. While he’s stunned Lynn borrows Guido for the Pisan double elbow. All 4 men are in and the faces hit stereo drop kicks. Lynn heads upstairs and the FBI bail only to be wiped out by a plancha to the floor. Tommy Rich gets a cheap shot in on Chetti and the FBI take over. Pisan elbow on Chetti. Smothers with a nice vertical suplex on Chetti. Smothers then suplexes Guido onto Chetti for a 2. Chetti is whipped into the turnbuckles and he hits a leaping sidekick off the buckles. Lynn gets the hot tag with a couple of dropkicks and then a tilt-a-whirl into a flying headscissors on Smothers. They botch a flapjack/DDT type move. Tommy Rich comes in the Italian flag and misses Lynn and hits Smothers. Lynn rolls Smothers up for the 3 count at 8.18. Match rating – C+

Wing Kanemura was due to wrestle against Masato Tanaka tonight but Kanemura pulled out for some reason and Doug Furnas replaces him in the match (Doug with in the WWF at the time and is under contract to WWF “agent” Lance Wright).

Masato Tanaka v Doug Furnas w/Lance Wright

Tanaka starts out getting powerslammed by Furnas and Doug keeps the heat on with a standing dropkick. Furnas gets caught going for a kick however and Tanaka dragon screws him. Tanaka goes to a figure 4 but Furnas reverses it and Tanaka reverses it back to put the pressure back on. Furnas uses the ropes to break the hold. Tanaka gets up a head of speed and nearly decapitates Furnas. He gets a two count. Tornado DDT from Tanaka and he gets another two count. Running Spicolli Driver from Tanaka and he gets a two count. Furnas hits an evil looking version of a piledriver. Furnas with a release German suplex on Tanaka and Lance Wright demands a further beating for Tanaka. Furnas hits a hurracurana and Lance Wright asks for another. Tanaka hits a roaring elbow and wins at 5.47. Match rating – C+

Rob Van Dam w/Bill Alphonso v Too Cold Scorpio

RVD is still a heel at this point in time. They start out technical with waist locks and hammer locks and wrist locks. Nice stuff. Scorpio hits a snap mare and RVD lands on his feet. They do a little double hand lock monkey flip action that would put lucha libre wrestlers to shame. RVD with a moonsault press off the entranceway and follows up with a leaping sidekick off the guard rail. RVD will jump off anything. RVD waffles Scorpio with a chair throw (Sabu style). RVD goes back into the ring with a slingshot legdrop for a two count. RVD with a spinning heel kick and follows it up with a top rope spinning heel kick for a two count. Rolling splash from RVD for another 2 count. RVD counters a kick from Scorpio and hits a corkscrew leg drop for another 2 count. Scorpio with a big powerbomb (release) but Scorpio takes ages to follow up but does with a nice slingshot splash. Scorpio plants RVD with a side suplex but doesn’t go for the pin although RVD is perfect for it. Scorpio with a twisting splash and gets a two count. Scorpio hits a perfect moonsault and RVD kicks out. Scorpio goes for a superplex and RVD pushes him off and hits a 5 Star frog splash before it was his finisher but Scorpio gets a knee up anyway. Scorpio with a sommersault leg drop from the second rope. Scorpio misses a splash in the corner and RVD hits a leaping side kick. RVD with a split legged moonsault but he only gets a two count. RVD with a hurracurana and a spinning kick dumps Scorpio to the floor. Van Daminator on the entrance ramp. Scorpio comes back with two piledrivers on the ramp. RVD isn’t moving and Scorpio drags him back in but again doesn’t go for the pin so RVD hits a low blow. RVD and the ref get pushed away and Scorpio hits a splash on the referee by mistake. RVD misses a huge 450 splash. Scorpio with a brutal powerbomb. Scorpio connects with his own 450 splash but the ref is down. Sabu does a run in and hits the Arabian facebuster on Scorpio and RVD gets another 2 count. Sandman does a run in and runs off Sabu. RVD hits an amazing bodyscissors roll up on 22.06 for the pin and the win. Match rating – B. Shame Scorpio has no idea what psychology is.

The Dudley Boyz v Balls Mahoney/Axl Rotten v New Jack/Spike Dudley

Dudleys and Balls/Axl don’t wait for the third team and brawl a while. Balls nails Buh Buh with a superkick but misses the New Jersey Jam from the top. Buh Buh waffles Balls with a chair shot. Big Dick Dudley steps in and choke slams Axl. New Jack and Spike come out as the Dudleys were completely in control. New Jack comes out with a trash can full of crap and nails D-Von with a crutch and a computer keyboard. Spike stands on Buh Buh’s chest and then hits a hurracurana. Frying pan to the head of Balls. Balls is busted wide open. Balls and Axl chair the Dudleys some. New Jack nails D-Von in the groin with a crutch. Spike hits a pescado on Buh Buh. The fight spills out into the crowd where the Dudleys are set up on tables. Spike and New Jack do an insane stereo balcony dive on the Dudleys. Ouch. It’s a very high balcony (at least 15 feet – real terms not wrestling terms). Back in the ring Balls has set up a table and he spikes Spike with a brutal suplex next to it. Spike recovers though and hits a swinging DDT through the table on Balls. Buh Buh throws Spike onto Axl on the floor. Balls Mahoney gets the 3-D and Balls and Axl are gone at 12.33. Spike and New Jack nail the celebrating Dudleys with stereo guitar shots. New Jack hits the diving chair on D-Von and gets the pin at 13.25. Match rating – messy. B-

Jenna Jameson comes out to interview Justin Credible for ECW but Justin isn’t interested. Jenna tries to get a word with Tommy Dreamer and Dreamer gives her some tongue action. Kissing is extreme? Apparently so.

Tommy Dreamer v Justin Credible w/Jason/Nicole Bass

Tommy wipes out Justin and Jason with a pescado. Justin gets whipped into the steel guard rail a couple of times. Tommy sets up a chair on the entrance ramp and Tommy whips him into it. Justin comes back and crotches Tommy on the guard rail. Tommy catches Justin off the crossbody and dumps him with a fall away slam. Tree of woe on Justin with a chair over the face and Tommy takes a huge run up and BAM dropkicks the chair. Tommy follows up with a splash which he misses. Justin takes the chair and drop toe holds Tommy onto the chair. Tommy comes back with a russian leg sweep. Justin had set up a chair in the corner and he throws Tommy face first into it. Justin with an inverted DDT on the chair. Tommy misses his version of the diving chair and Tommy crotches Justin and then shakes the ropes. Tommy with a Spicolli Driver on Justin to chants of “Louie”. Justin comes back with That’s Incredible and out comes Beulah McGillicutty. Beulah hits a low blow on Justin. Beulah with a DDT on Jason. Nicole Bass with a big bearhug on Beulah and out comes Mikey. Mikey with a whippersnapper on Nicole but Justin wipes out Mikey’s bad knee. Tommy with a DDT on Justin and he pins him at 9.01. Match rating – C+. Interuptionmungus.

ECW TV title – Taz (c) v Bam Bam Bigelow

Because we’re in Asbury Park Bigelow is seriously over. Taz starts out going straight into a Fujiwara arm bar. Bigelow makes the ropes. Taz takes a run up and clotheslines Bigelow over the ropes with ease. Back inside Bigelow hits a powerbomb for a two count. Taz comes back with another massive clothesline. Taz just throws his whole body into it. Taz fails to suplex Bigelow and he switches his weight to land on top for a two count. They spill out onto the ramp and T-bone Tazplexes Bigelow into the first row from the ramp. Awesome. They brawl in the crowd for a minute and then Bigelow clotheslines Taz back over the guard rail. Bigelow plants Taz with a DDT and follows up with his cartwheel moonsault for a two count. Bigelow pulls out a table and sets it up but it’s already half broken. Bigelow goes for a powerbomb but Taz counters and hits a belly to belly Tazplex through the table. This was even more amazing because Bigelow completely mistimed his jump and Taz had to suplex him as deadweight. Taz gets a two count to chants of “choke him out”. Taz punches of chunk of table into Bigelow’s face. Bigelow with a chair shot. They spill into the crowd and Bigelow hits another chair shot but Taz starts no selling the punches of Bigelow. Bigelow sets up a greetings from Asbury park but Taz counters into a Tazmission. Bigelow taps but the referee doesn’t see it. Bigelow falls toward the corner and both men go crashing through the mat. Yes, straight through the mat. Bigelow crawls out and drags Taz out for the 3 count at 13.36. Bigelow is the new TV champ. Match rating – B+. Very original match and Taz looks great.

Backstage Paul Heyman tells Joey Styles that due to the ring damage Al Snow v Kronus is cancelled and they’re going to show the taped Sandman-Sabu match.

Duelling Canes – Sandman v Sabu

RVD starts out against Sandman disguised as Sabu and Sabu gets to blindside Sandman. Sabu sets up a chair and hits a triple jump springboard plancha. Sandman rolls off the ramp to avoid further offence so Sabu hits another diving plancha from the ramp to the floor. Sabu sets up a table over the guard rail, lays Sandman on it and Sabu splashes him through it from the top rope. Sabu hits an Arabian facebuster but stalls before the cover and Sandman kicks out at 2. Sabu misses a top rope arabian facebuster. On the ramp Sabu blocks a suplex twice and counters into a DDT. Sabu hits a triple jump moonsault onto the ramp. Cool. Sandman sets up a table on the apron and Sabu gets whipped into it. Sandman suplexes a table onto Sabu. Sandman sets up a table on the ramp and puts Sabu on it but RVD does a run in and back inside RVD hits a leaping sidekick. Sabu sets up another table on the outside while RVD hits a frog splash on Sandman with a chair on Sandman’s face. Sandman gets set up on Sabu’s table and Sabu and RVD hit a tandem splash/leg drop from the turnbuckles right through the Sandman. Sabu rolls Sandman back inside and pins him at 9.01. Match rating – B- . Tabletastic.

Chris Candido/Shane Douglas v Lance Storm/Sunny?

Everyone in the crowd has a mannequin’s head in preparation for Al Snow’s match that was dumped. Candido and Storm are tag team champions but are in a fight against each other here with a “dream partner” for this tag match. Candido has wisely selected ECW world champion Shane Douglas. Francine heads tagged with a head on the way down to the ring. Lance Storm comes out with Sunny because of course Candido is Sunny’s fiance. A quarter of the ring is missing thanks to Taz and Bigelow. Storm still hits a superplex on Candido for a two count. Storm superkicks Douglas off the apron. Storm with a side suplex on Candido and Sunny tags in. Sunny and she waffles Storm with a cookie tray. Sunny has turned already and Lance Storm informs Chris Candido that he will give him head. Out comes Al Snow and we have a real match. Al Snow had the coolest entrance in ECW. The lights went out and the camera went funky and everyone waved around mannequin heads. Snow with a sit down powerbomb on Douglas. Storm back drops Candido out of the ring and through a table. Storm then wipes him out with a springboard plancha. Snow whips Douglas into the hole in the ring and Snow drags him out again. Snow Plow and Snow pins at 4.47. Match rating – F. Just a bottomless Al Snow crap pit from which there is no escape.

Best matches –
3. Sabu v Sandman. Duelling canes but with no canes? Sandman worked quite well as a punching bag for Sabu’s insanity.
2. Rob Van Dam v 2 Cold Scorpio. If Scorpio had a clue about match psychology like some of RVD’s better opponents this would have been the best match on the card.
1. Taz v Bam Bam Bigelow. Great match made better by a couple of brutal Taz suplexes.

Overall PPV rating –
B-. On the whole a solid card with only the main event being a spectacular let down but I guess with half the ring missing they did ok.

Repost - King of the Ring 98

2008-05-04T18:41:00.000-07:00

When I said "ongoing" I didn't realise it'd carry on going for quite as long as it has done. I believe this was done in March 2000 although my computer informs me I last altered the article in January 2002. I clearly didn't do much with formatting or ratings. Ah well, this is the original version.

The Furious Flashbacks – King of the Ring 1998

Welcome to what I hope will be an ongoing series of flashbacks. A look back at our past in wrestling terms. Today I’m here to look back at 1998 and a moment that changed our lives. Before KoR 98 the crowd was looking forward to Kane challenging Steve Austin for the WWF title in a first blood match and the potential for Ken Shamrock and Dan Severn to meet in the KoR finals. People were also thinking about the match that everyone remembers – Hell in a Cell. Undertaker against Mankind in the match that sealed Mick Foley’s legend. This was wrestling at it’s most extreme. Read on gentle viewer…

This PPV will be graded on the Furious Grading Scale. FGS grades are as follows –

A One of the greatest matches anywhere, ever.
A- Damn near perfect
B+ Excellent
B Very Good
B- Good
C+ Average
C Mediocre
C- Bad
D Terrible
F Hulk Hogan
U or Ungraded = Hacksaw Jim Duggan v Ultimate Warrior v Goldberg in a submissions only Ironman match. My worst nightmare.

Welcome to the 6th annual king of the ring hosted by Jim Ross and Jerry “The King” Lawler. The Hell in a Cell is hanging over the top of the ring. JR and the King discuss it. The opening match is usually the one to get the crowd worked up so here comes the Headbangers and WWF Light Heavyweight champion Taka Michinoku.

Headbangers/Taka Michinoku v Kaientai

Taka is wearing a skirt and “moshing”. Their opponents are Togo, Funaki and Mens Teioh. They are accompanied by Yamaguchi-san. This is back before Kaientai were a comedy act and before Taka joined. There are gasoline cans scattered around ringside as JR reminds us that Kane will set himself on fire if he doesn’t win the WWF title here tonight. Sign in the crowd – “Vader is Gay”. I dare you to tell him face to face. The Headbangers get massive pops for their signature moves. Kaientai bump their tiny little asses off. Taka was amazing back in 1998 so the crowd gives good pops for the entertaining match up. Kaientai isolate Taka and nail him with some fun double team moves. Pancake spin into a bulldog at one point. Nice. Taka wins the match for his team by giving poor Funaki a Michinoku Driver. Pretty good match. Not as great as Kaientai were in Japan or in their outings in ECW. Still good way to start a big PPV. Grade - B

Next up is Sable. What? Apparently she’s returning after an absence. I’m guessing that was when Marc Mero pinned her in a ‘Loser Leaves Town’ match. That crazy Marc Mero. Sable is here to announce Vince. The crowd comes out with unreal heat for Vince. This was before Vince had music but he still has stooges in Patterson and Brisco. Patterson slaps Sable on the ass as she leaves the ring and Sable belts Pat in the face. Oh, like Pat was interested. He’d rather have Brisco. I only just noticed how level headed and sensible Vince’s promos were back then. Wonderful stuff. He’s just become an evil caricature of himself now. Someone needs to show him the way he used to speak. “Your entire lives have been a symphony of disappointments. You probably, in all likelihood, were a disappointment to your own mother and father”. Brilliant stuff. However Vince goes on for sooooo looooong. Eventually he leaves. That’s it. Segment value – D

KoR Semi-final – Jeff Jarrett v Ken Shamrock

The King of the Ring tournament starts here! It’s J-E-double F. J-A-double R-E-double T. Ain’t he great. Jarrett is accompanied by Tennessee Lee and has an in ring experience advantage over tournament favourite Ken Shamrock. Less than a minute into the match and I caught Shamrock talking twice. Rookie. Jarrett spends most of this match selling Shamrock’s offence while Shamrock inexpertly throws him at ring steps and barricades. Back in the ring Jarrett starts working the leg. This was just after Owen Hart turned on Shamrock and broke his ankle. Shamrock comes back and “snaps”. He drops Jarrett on his head during a hurracurrana and puts him out of his misery with the Shamrock Ankle Lock. Jarrett taps quickly and Shamrock limps slightly as he’s interviewed by Michael Cole. “I didn’t come here to be second best”. But you were already second best in that match Scamrock. Grade - B Solid especially from Jarrett.

KoR Semi-final – The Rock v Dan “The Beast” Severn

The other King of the Ring semi is The Rock against Severn. Rock is accompanied by Mark Henry and Kama Mustafa (the Godfather). Referees send Kama and Mark to the back so that Rock can face Severn one on one. Severn gets a pop that’s just a little less than Shamrock’s. We see recap of Severn ripping the pectoral muscles of D’Lo Brown with a Rings of Saturn. Severn and Rock start out in an amateur style. Well Severn does anyway. Rock resorts to using right hands. Severn takes Rock down and slaps on a submission hold at every chance he has. The crowd goes out of it slightly but seems to pop every time Rock goes on the offensive. It’s easy to see why he was turned face just a few weeks after this. Both men are knocked down with a double clothesline and the Nation come back out to distract the referee while D’Lo Brown nails Dan Severn with a frog splash. This was the start of the D’Lo chest protector gimmick and he’s knocked Severn out of it. Rock gets the 3 count. The IC champ tells Michael Cole to “know his role and shut his mouth”. Grade – B- short and the crowd didn’t really care after Severn decided to put on a wrestling masterclass (well for about 3 minutes). Nice to see D’Lo.

Al Snow/Head v Brian Christopher/Scott Taylor

We have a quick recap of Al Snow’s attempt to get back into the WWF. Snow had been on loan in ECW for a while and working great matches with guys like Rob Van Dam and Shane Douglas. The WWF decided he had star quality and brought him back. This is his comeback match. It’s Al Snow and his tag partner Head (a mannequin head) against Too Much (Brian Christopher and Scott Taylor). They eventually became Too Cool and danced with Rikishi under hip hop names but this was back when they were a bit, well, queer. Al cuts a quick promo “boys, you’re about to get a little head like you never had before”. Like Vince before him Al Snow has no music. Jerry Lawler steps up to be the slightly biased referee in the match. This is clearly the ‘comedy’ match of the night. Al demonstrates some fine wrestling skills but spends most of the match arguing with ‘Head’ and protesting the shambolic refereeing of Lawler. Al does manage to breakout the wheelbarrow suplex at one point though but after a double bump Al has to tag in ‘Head’. Head cleans house but manages to get pinned by Brian Christopher while Snow covers Scott Taylor after a Snow Plough. Grade – C- not as appalling as it could have been because Snow is so good but downright stupid. Even JR tells us the match was “uglier than a bowling shoe”.

X-Pac v Owen Hart

Next up we have a face X-Pac (seriously, crowd goes nuts) against a heel Owen Hart who joined the Nation because he was getting no respect. X-Pac is accompanied by Chyna and her jaw (yikes). These two actually start at quite a slow pace but a beautiful fisherman suplex from Owen steps it up a bit. On the outside Owen whips X-Pac straight through the timekeepers table. Ow. X-Pac lands on his head. Back in the ring Owen slows it down with a sleeper which sort of alienates the crowd somewhat. Then they pull out the old sleeper reversal. X-Pac manages a reverse inziguri that no one spots (not even JR). X-Pac promptly lands a Bronco Buster (before it was called that or got popped). A top rope move goes very wrong before Owen back bumps off the top rope and Mark Henry squashes X-Pac on the floor before Chyna squares off against Mark to a huge ovation. Vader attacks Mark Henry. Owen has X-Pac in the sharpshooter (I’m sure I hear him squealing like a bitch) Chyna gets into the ring and gives Owen the sloppiest DDT in the history of none-women’s wrestling. Owen sells it for a couple of minutes and is busted under the eye. X-Pac rolls over and pins Owen. What? Owen basically jobbed the Chyna. Horrific booking. Grade – C+ not good. Too much stalling in what was a short match. A couple of brutal spots looked more sloppy than planned and the treble run in finish was complete overkill.

Out comes the fat man. Paul Bearer is out to talk to the crowd. Sign in the crowd – “The Real Phenom” with a picture of Mankind. So true. Paul talks about his son, Kane and how when he was growing up he wanted to be like the Undertaker. “You can laugh at the fat man all you like”. The crowd laughs. Paul leaves. Segment rating – U. Completely worthless.

WWF Tag team titles - New Age Outlaws v New Midnight Express

“Oh you didn’t know”. Out come the New Age Outlaws who are also accompanied by Chyna. Road Dogg runs his DX promo when it was still fresh. The Outlaws are the tag champs and are challenged by old school NWA tag champs The New Midnight Express (Bart Gunn and Bob Holly). The crowd is silent. This is why the NWA angle tanked. No one cared about it. James E Cornette accompanies the NME. Billy and Bart do some decent sequences considering their lack of ability and size. Billy uses the Rocker Dropper before he used it as a finisher and it’s barely sold. This match surprises me because I remember the Gunn v Gunn feud and it sucked but based on these pieces of action it should have been awesome. Also looking back it’s amazing how much Holly improved when he became Hardcore Holly. In the “Outlaw tag” match Road Dogg is isolated and beaten up while Billy struggles to get a tag. The “Outlaw tag” match swiftly became the standard in the WWF until the arrival of Edge/Christian, the Hardyz and the Dudleys. Even the Hardyz followed it back then. Billy finally gets in only for him to be nailed by Jim Cornette’s tennis racket. The NME nearly steal the win but Road Dogg breaks it up. Chyna takes Cornette out of the equation with a monster low blow. Holly then gets pinned off the Hot Shot onto the ropes. Grade – B- the Bart/Billy sequence was surprisingly great but the rest of the match was just standard tag action.

KoR Finals – The Rock v Ken Shamrock

As the KoR finals are about to begin the DX music kicks in again. Triple H is coming out to provide colour commentary on the KoR finals. After all he won KoR in 1997. Unfortunately he’s brought that skank Chyna out with him. It amazes me looking back at how dead the crowd was when the Rock came out. Just completely dead when he came out but the crowd got into his matches after they started. Triple H calls Rock “The Crock”. Triple H says something about posing in nudey magazines. What? I’m guessing he’s talking about Shawn Michaels because he thinks it’s funny but there is the future irony of him sitting next to Chyna. Triple H talks about the ham sandwich Shamrock ate earlier. I can’t really keep up with his commentary but this is some funny shit, which is why I’m looking forward to a face run from him. “When you say he was a one man band, do you mean he played his own instrument” – Triple H. His commentary is somewhat taking away from the match but who cares. Rock runs away from Shamrock most of the time and Shamrock gets a bit upset about it. Chyna joins the Spanish announce team. When asked if he speaks any other languages Triple H replies “I’m bi a lot of things but lingual is not one of them (long pause) did I just mean to say that?” Rock attacks Triple H at ringside and Triple H manages to slip in a Beavis and Butthead line “Testes, testes, one, two, three?” while repairing his headset. “The Rock’s lucky my middle name is sportsmanship” – Triple H (I thought it was Hearst?). Shamrock starts selling the ankle injury and Rock doesn’t really go after it. So much for psychology eh fellas. Rock lands a People’s Elbow to the delight of the crowd. Shamrock snaps, the crowd wakes up and the action hots up as the match heads to it’s conclusion. Rock lands a near fall with a huge powerslam. Shamrock gets a long two after a Northern Lights suplex. Rock gets another two after a clothesline. Both men are totally blown up. Shamrock gets another two count. The crowd is starting to get really excited as they continue to trade two counts. Rock protests to the referee about another two count and Shamrock pulls him down with the Ankle Lock. Rock taps out and Shamrock wins the KoR. Triple H informs us that Rock was screaming like a girl. Grade B- mediocre apart from the hot finish. Rock spent 90% of the match jawing with fans. Triple H commentary – A-. Excellent demonstration of the improving mic skills that would push him into the main event.

Hell in a Cell – The Undertaker v Mankind

They lower the Hell in a Cell as soon as Shamrock has left the ring (what, no coronation?) and we welcome Mankind who goes straight up to the top of the Cell as JR talks about the history of Mick Foley. Taker comes out second, still in his Dead Man persona, and follows Mick onto the top of the Cell. They fight for a few minutes using a chair and nearly falling through the Cell but then Taker throws Mick off the Cell and he comes crashing down through the Spanish announce table. “As God is my witness he is broken in half” – JR. The crowd is popping like crazy and they start showing replays. Out come the paramedics and Mick is loaded onto a stretcher. As they take Mick out the Cell is lifted to make way for the stretcher. As they head up the aisle the Undertaker makes his way down. Then we get the greatest shot in wrestling history.

The cameraman runs back up the aisle and comes face to face with Mick as he climbs off the stretcher and smiles. Then he pushes paramedics’ aside and heads back to the Cell and climbs up a second and final time. Those few moments are my favourites in all of wrestling history. It sends chills down my spine every single time I see it. Once they’re back up there everyone holds their breath. Taker lines up a chokeslam and Mick goes straight through the roof of the Cell. “That’s it he’s dead” – Jerry Lawler. Doctors come pouring into the Cell and Mick isn’t moving. Taker gets down into the Cell and is faced by Terry Funk who Taker chokeslams to buy Mick some time. Mick manages to get back up and does the worst sell of a punch I’ve ever seen but to be fair to him he’s concussed. Taker does his Top Rope Walk of Doom but Mick knocks him off. The referee locks them inside the Cell and Taker does a bladejob to buy Mick some more recovery time. Mick is visibly hurt. Taker nails Mick in the bad shoulder with the ring steps. Ouch. Back into the ring and Mick piledrives Taker on a steel chair. But only gets a two count. That’s outrageous frankly. He deserved the pin right there. But it’s not over yet. Mick reaches under the ring for a bag and produces thumbtacks. Hundreds of thumbtacks and scatters them in the ring. Mick locks in the Mandible Claw but Taker picks him up on his back and drops backward into the tacks. Mick rolls around in the tacks like a madman. JR is completely lost for words. Chokeslam on the thumbtacks and the crowd has been driven to near orgasm. Tombstone piledriver and it’s finally over. Grade – A. Sensational although not technically brilliant it was a work of art. In the words of Joey Styles “Oh My God”.

WWF title – Stonecold Steve Austin v Kane

The main event (like anyone cares) is Steve Austin against Kane for the WWF title. It’s a first blood match but if Kane loses he will set himself on fire. Austin is wrestling with an infected elbow, which is heavily taped. Austin exposes a turnbuckle in an attempt to open up Kane. Kane has the benefit of a mask in this match so should be much harder to bust open. This is a Pier Sixer. A donnybrook. A slobberknocker. For some reason the Hell in a Cell starts to descend again. Kane tries to trap Austin under the falling Cell but Austin just about escapes. Kane then gets trapped in the Cell doorway and the Cell starts to go up again. What? I still have no idea what the point of all the Cell raising and lowering business was all about. They fight around the entrance area and Austin takes a couple of decent bumps. They continue to brawl around the ring and Hebner takes a ref bump on the floor. As Austin pummels Kane in the corner Mick Foley comes running out and the Cell comes down again. Foley gets a stunner as I question what idiot made him do a run in after his Cell match. Undertaker comes out and hits Austin with a chair unintentionally. The referee spots Austin’s busted open head and the match is over. Taker pours gasoline on Earl Hebner and Kane nails Taker with a chair. Who booked this? It’s completely insane. Kane ends up getting nailed with a chair and stays down while he’s announced as the new WWF champion. We cut to a shot of Vince gloating and the WWF sign indicates the PPV is over. Grade - C. After the Hell in a Cell the main event had to be entertaining to score a good rating but it was nothing more than a brawl. It didn’t help matters that Kane isn’t particularly good.

Best matches –

3. Taka/Headbangers v Kaientai. Hot opener that got the crowd involved. Plus no one in the match really sucked or made any mistakes.
2. Ken Shamrock v Jeff Jarrett. Jarrett worked the injured body part in a style similar to Bret Hart. Shame Shamrock isn’t a big psychology man or we had a masterpiece on our hands.
1. Mankind v Undertaker. Mainly because Mick nearly killed himself twice but the heat the match got towards the end was phenomenal as the crowd hung on every moment.

Overall event grade – Well if this system worked on averages we’d be looking at a pretty average sort of C+ but the sheer entertainment factor of the Hell in a Cell knocks that up a whole point to B+. Not fantastic throughout but mostly entertaining with one amazing match.

If you want an event from the past to feature on the Furious Flashbacks why not drop me a line and request it? See what I think of your favourite wrestling event of all time. Or perhaps you want me to flashback to a PPV you hated the sight of but everyone else loved and you want the record set straight. Or perhaps you’d like to co-host one of these rock and roller coasters. Anyway, either way you know where I am. Until next time –

“You like the old shit?”

Arnold F Furious

Repost - ECW Heatwave 99

2008-05-04T18:38:00.000-07:00

This has the strange honour of being the first wrestling tape I ever bought. I made a point of not buying wrestling tapes but I had to because ECW on TV was mostly edited. So after seeing a load of it on Bravo I just went and bought this from an HMV in Southampton. It marked the moment where I went from a casual wrestling fan to a hardcore one. I'm not sure when exactly that took place but I bought dozens of ECW tapes & DVD's in the years since.

The Furious Flashbacks – ECW Heatwave 1999

This is a PPV from the midst of RVD’s epic feud with Jerry Lynn. Tonight they’re allies against a common enemy – the Impact Players. The team of Justin Credible and Lance Storm. Taz is defending his ECW world title against Tajiri who’s on a run since his hot debut against Super Crazy earlier in the year. Tajiri is also backed by Steve Corino, Rhyno and Jack Victory. Balls Mahoney and Spike Dudley have combined their resources to tackle ECW tag champs – The Dudley Boys.

This PPV will be graded on the Furious Grading Scale. FGS grades are as follows –

A One of the greatest matches anywhere, ever.
A- Damn near perfect
B+ Excellent
B Very Good
B- Good
C+ Average
C Mediocre
C- Bad
D Terrible
F Hulk Hogan
U or Ungraded = Hacksaw Jim Duggan v Ultimate Warrior v Goldberg in a submissions only Ironman match. My worst nightmare.

Taz cuts a promo before the PPV hits the airwaves telling Tajiri to beat him if he can and survive if I let you. Various ECW stars talk about who’s the hottest star at Heatwave 99. Jerry Lynn tells us that he doesn’t like Rob Van Dam and he never will. RVD tells us that he doesn’t need Sabu or Bill Alphonso in tonights main event because he’s “the whole fucking team”.

Road Kill/“Dastardly” Danny Doring w/Angelica (Lita) v Nova/Chris Chetti

Doring proposes to Angelica prior to the match and she agrees. Nova ignores his tag partner and hits a belly to belly side slam on Doring. Nova is the innovator. Hart Attack on Nova from Road Kill and Doring. Huge avalanche from Road Kill. Bareback from Doring on Nova. Doring follows up with a g-spot sweep. Road Kill comes in off the top rope with a leg drop. Dirt road slam on Nova. Doring comes back in with a springboard elbow. Nova with a “Spin Doctor” which is an inverted swinging neckbreaker. Chetti comes in with an axe kick and a powerslam on Doring. Nova grabs both Road Kill and Doring and hits a DDT and a stunner at the same time. Awesome. Nova only gets a two count off both men. Road Kill and Doring double whip Nova into Chetti who’s propped up in the corner. Nova monkey flips Chetti out of the corner and he wipes out Doring and Road Kill with a double clothesline. Sweet spot. Nova slaps the figure 4 on Road Kill. Doring and Chetti head to opposite turnbuckles and both hit leg drops from the top on their respective opponents. Chetti then nails a beautiful double springboard moonsault. Chetti calls for some music because he’s so good he wants to dance a little. He calls Angelica in and dances with her. Nova confronts Chetti about this foolishness and Angelica belts Chetti so Chetti gives her the Amityville horror. Doring is pissed off. He throws a tantrum. Nova surprises him with the Kryptonite Krunch and Chetti hits the Amityville horror on Road Kill. Nova and Chetti go upstairs and hit the Tidal wave for the win at 7.01. Match rating – B+. About as good as you can get in 7 minutes. Nova would have been the next big star in ECW.

Jason v Jazz

Jazz goes for an early crossbody and Jason catches her, spanks her and slams her. Jazz comes back with a scoop slam and a crossbody from the second turnbuckle. Jason misses a kick and Jazz sweeps him down for a two count. Jazz with a rolling neck snap for another 2. Jason drop kicks Jazz (in the face) and hits an elbow from the second rope for a 2. Jason with a drop kick to the back of a seated Jazz’s head. Jazz picks up a 2 from a crucifix. Jason uses power to take back over and scores a two off a leg drop. Jazz with a snap suplex and then a Samoan drop for a two count. Jazz goes outside and grabs a chair. She puts a chair over Jason’s groin and then nails the chair with another one. Inziguri from Jason and they’re both down. Jason is up first and sets up the chair. Jazz reverses a powerbomb into a Jazz Stinger (X-Factor) on the chair and pins for the win at 6.32. Match rating – C+

Little Guido w/Big Sal v “The Insane Luchador” Super Crazy

They start out with a few leg trips and arm drags to a decent pop. Crazy shows amazing agility to leap onto the top rope as he’s whipped towards it and tries to come off with a crossbody which Guido turns into a Fujiwara armbar. Lovely. Crazy comes back with a sweet looking second rope moonsault. Guido with a neckbreaker. Crazy does his 10 count in the corner which the crowd count in Spanish. Guido goes to do the same and Crazy just powerbombs him out of the corner. Guido charges Crazy and Crazy back drops him over the ropes. They fight into the crowd and Crazy hits a moonsault off a balcony. That had to be at least 10 feet in the air. Guido crawls back in and hits a neckbreaker for a 2 count. Tilt-a-whirl headscissors and a spinning heel kick from the top by Crazy. Guido hits a Sicilian slice off the top rope but can only get a two count. He throws Crazy outside where Big Sal squashes him against the guard rail and then slams him on concrete. Guido puts on the Sicilian crab and Crazy makes the ropes. Crazy gets caught on the ropes and Guido slams him for 2. Sal comes in and Guido gets another 2 count off Sal’s leg drop. Guido goes for a northern lights suplex but Crazy counters into a DDT (must have seen RVD do it a few months earlier). Crazy misses a springboard moonsault and Guido lays the boots in. Crazy hits a Michinoku Driver on Guido and hits the two of the trifecta of moonsaults and then lays a plancha on Big Sal. Guido hits the Maritado back inside but Crazy kicks out. Crazy hits a huge powerbomb for 3 on 12.31. Match rating – B

ECW tag titles – The Dudley Boys (c) v Balls Mahoney/Spike Dudley

The Dudleys are 6 time ECW tag team champions at this point. Buh Buh Ray spends a couple of minutes insulting the crowd before the match gets underway. “There a mom in the front row who taught her daughter how to suck dick”. If only they could let Buh Buh cut loose in the WWF. This one starts out as a brawl. Buh Buh hurls Spike onto the ramp and that’s the first huge bump Spike’s taken. Buh Buh then nearly caves in Balls’s head with a chair shot. Spike hits the acid drop up the outside of the ropes and onto the ramp. Spike takes a run up the length of the entranceway and Buh Buh back drops him into the ring. D-Von grabs the ring bell and tags Spike with it. Spike is busted open. Spike hurracuranas D-Von over the ropes and Buh Buh and Balls step into the ring. Buh Buh takes a road sign to Balls head. He throws it out of the ring and clocks Spike in the head with it. Hilarious. Buh Buh takes a cheese grater to the head of Balls Mahoney and he’s busted wide open. Balls comes back with a superkick and grabs the cheese grater. Grater to the forehead of Buh Buh. Meanwhile Spike and D-Von are out in the crowd somewhere. Everyone is officially busted open. They all fight out to the same part of the crowd. Spike climbs a balcony and dives off onto the Dudleys from around 15-20 feet. Back in the ring Balls hits a superkick on D-Von. Balls and Spike do the 10 count punches but the Dudleys powerbomb them both off the turnbuckles. Balls and Spike come back with stereo neckbreakers for stereo 2 counts. Spinebuster and an acid drop combo only gets a 2 count for both men. Acid drop and a nutcracker suite at the same time and that should be all except Sign Guy pulls the referee out. The Dudleys go for a 3-D but both Balls and Spike sneak in roll ups for the pin and the belts at 15.08. Match rating – B-. Pretty good for a hardcore brawl.

After the match the Dudleys give both men 3-D’s and powerbomb Spike Dudley through a flaming table. ECW was the home of extreme. Of course that pisses off New Jack and out comes the original gangsta. New Jack decimates the Dudleys with an array of hardcore weapons.

Tommy Dreamer comes out and gives an impassioned speech about how great ECW is and how proud he is of everyone. He talks about ECW’s TV deal with TNN and how great this is for the company. Tommy runs down the WWF and WCW but doesn’t blame the wrestlers. Tommy starts getting tearful because he won’t get the chance to wrestle on TNN. Tommy Dreamer has herniated discs in his back and can’t wrestle. Steve Corino comes out and tells Dreamer that Dreamer should do the job to him and pass the torch but “he’ll hook the leg because he respects the veteran”. Corino is one of the best heels ECW ever had. Dreamer takes exception and punks out Corino and Francine pins him while Tommy counts to 3. Corino jobs to Francine? No way. Tajiri comes out and belts Tommy and Francine. Tajiri puts the injured Dreamer in the tarantula and that brings out Taz.

ECW world title – Taz (c) v Tajiri

Tajiri hits the handspring back elbow and follows up with a spinning heel kick. Tajiri throws Taz into the crowd and then goes back onto the apron and hits an asai moonsault into the crowd. Tajiri goes for a tarantula but Taz counters with a massive spinebuster. German suplex from Taz but Tajiri lands on his feet and drop kicks Taz in the knee. Tajiri puts Taz in a sleeper but Taz suplexes him out of it and drops Tajiri on his head. Front head and arm Tazplex and Tajiri lands on his head again. Tajiri hits an Inziguri to get back into the match. Tajiri lays in a few kicks to the head of Taz. Taz crotches Tajiri on the top rope and front head and arm Tazplexes him off. Tajiri hits his double kick and follows in with a drop kick to Taz’s head for a long 2 count. That was Tajiri’s finisher. Tajiri goes up top and Taz pushes him off into Steve Corino. Taz knocks Jack Victory out of his wheelchair and then brains him with it. Tajiri kicks Taz down on the ramp and follows up with a hurracurana but Taz powerbombs him out of it. Rhyno sets up a table behind Taz. Taz provokes Tajiri to kick him in the chest and takes 2 kicks but catches Tajiri the third time and gives him a front head and leg capture Tazplex through the table. Taz chases Corino backstage and Tajiri is still down. Taz rips down part of the barb wire which makes up the ECW set. Taz uses the barb wire to choke out Tajiri on the ramp and this is over. Officials come running out and one of them has a huge towel to soak up Tajiri’s blood. Extreme. Match time – 10.13. Match rating – B-. I expected more from both of them and despite the odd high spot the match was pretty dull.

Rob Van Dam/Jerry Lynn v Justin Credible/Lance Storm w/Dawn Marie

RVD’s entrance takes 4 whole minutes. Not as bad as Sandman though. It takes almost as long to get Bill Alphonso out of the ring. Lynn and Credible start out. Justin goes for an early tombstone but it gets reversed into a tombstone attempt from Lynn. Justin reverses it back into another tombstone attempt and Lynn wriggles free. Lynn goes for the cradle piledriver and Justin backdrops out. Lynn with a bulldog on Justin and then dropkicks Storm. Justin calls for RVD and when RVD tags in Credible tags out to Storm. RVD and Storm do a tremendous amateur sequence that is just too complicated to type out. Leap frog from Storm, back roll from RVD and then a monkey flip. They run through a couple more sequences and Storm drops down to slap on the Canadian maple leaf but RVD gets out of it through sheer flexibility. Inziguri misses so RVD comes straight back with a sidekick. Awesome. Lynn tags in. Lynn puts Storm in the abdominal stretch and although Storm escapes Lynn hangs him up on the top rope. Storm whips Lynn into the ropes and Justin nails him in the face with the singapore cane. Justin tags in and drives a knee into Lynn’s face in the corner. Sit down powerbomb scores a two count. Storm back in with a perfect drop kick. Storm and Lynn runs through a near falls sequence and Storm follows up with a superkick for a 2 count. Storm with a backbreaker and Credible tags in. Justin with the Razor’s edge on Lynn for a 2 count. Storm tags back in and puts a chair on the top turnbuckle. Storm gets whipped into the same corner then leaps onto the top turnbuckle, grabs the chair and comes off with it all in one fluid motion only for Lynn to drop kick the chair into his face on the way down. Coolness. Justin tags back in and doesn’t let RVD tag in. Lynn gives Justin a DDT on a chair. Both teams make tags. RVD hits his butterfly slam and follows up with a spinning heel kick. RVD with a leaping sidekick from the top rope. Inverted atomic drop and RVD drop kicks a chair into Storm’s face. Storm is outside and Fonzie puts a chair over his back on the guard rail. RVD comes off the apron with a corkscrew leg drop. Meanwhile Lynn bulldogs Justin off the turnbuckles to the ramp. Storm ducks an RVD crossbody and RVD wipes out the front 3 rows. RVD comes out of the crowd with a senton off the guard rail. Fonzie sets up a table at ringside for future use while RVD takes the offence to Storm. Storm comes back with a spin kick from the top rope and RVD kicked out of the finisher. RVD ducks a heel kick and hits one of his own then follows up with a rolling thunder onto a chair. Fonzie sets up Justin Credible on the table outside the ring while Storm sets up a chair inside. RVD drop toe holds Storm into the chair. Sabu suddenly appears from nowhere and splashes Justin through the table at ringside. Lynn has Storm pinned in the ring as RVD comes off the top. Storm kicks out and RVD hits the 5 star frog splash on Jerry Lynn. Lynn kicks out at 2 and half. RVD hits a Van Daminator on Storm and Lynn follows up with a cradle piledriver for the 3 at 21.05. Match rating – B+

Best matches –
3. Super Crazy v Little Guido. The mix of Crazy’s flying and Guido’s ground attack was very pleasing.
2. Nova/Chetti v Doring/Road Kill. Nova is a great wrestler and the others are pretty good too. Good stuff.
1. Lynn/RVD v Impact Players. 3 of the best wrestlers in the business and Justin Credible. So nearly perfect. If it wasn’t for Justin’s little run’s in the ring this was an A.

Overall PPV rating –
B. Lots of lovely solid action with the opening and closing tag matches being excellent.

Repost - ECW Heatwave 98

2008-05-04T18:36:00.000-07:00

This is so long ago that it's numbered. This was the 3rd review I ever did, ever. I'm pretty sure King of the Ring '98 was my first.

The Furious Flashbacks 3 – ECW Heatwave 98

Not everyone has had the joy of experiencing the ECW product. When I talk about my favourite matches I always mention an ECW match from this particular show – Awesome v Tanaka. It demonstrated the best of big man wrestling along with the wonders of Japanese wrestling. It never fails to make my top 10. But what was the rest of ECW like back in the day? Stay tuned gentle reader and find out.

This PPV will be graded on the Furious Grading Scale. FGS grades are as follows –

A One of the greatest matches anywhere, ever.
A- Damn near perfect
B+ Excellent
B Very Good
B- Good
C+ Average
C Mediocre
C- Bad
D Terrible
F Hulk Hogan
U or Ungraded = Hacksaw Jim Duggan v Ultimate Warrior v Goldberg in a submissions only Ironman match. My worst nightmare.

As per usual we are welcomed to the ECW PPV environment by commentator Joey Styles. We’re in Dayton, Ohio for the hottest event of the summer. Joey welcomes his co-commentator – Shane Douglas along with the head cheerleader Francine. The heel ECW champ Douglas is welcomed by a huge pop. Francine gets an equally massive pop when she does her Terri-esque top rope pose. “Cut the fucking music” – Shane Douglas. WWF this ain’t. Douglas claims Bam Bam Bigelow will put Tazz through the concrete floor here tonight. Segment grade – B. Douglas was always better in ECW but it’s hard to see what exactly he did differently.

Justin Credible w/Nicole Bass/Jason/Chastity v Jerry Lynn

As per usual Justin has a freaky entourage that serves no purpose but to cheat and distract which includes freak Nicole Bass. Urgh. Justin’s t-shirt reads “Got Blood?” This was right before Jerry Lynn really took off and Credible was a credible wrestler. They had a feud for a few months and this is the big blow off. Lynn starts matters off with a mat wrestling masterclass. Loads of arm drags and counters. Credible is more direct with punches and chops. Credible goes for his tombstone early but Lynn reverses it into a pin for a 2 count. Credible rolls outside from a headscissor takeover and Lynn leaps onto him from the top rope with a huge plancha. Credible hits a counter into an inverted DDT to turn the tide. Jason holds a chair in front of Lynn’s face and Credible gets a good run up before driving the chair into his face. Credible then nails a huge sit down powerbomb out of the corner onto the chair which gets a long two count. A frustrated Credible throws Lynn out to the entourage while Chastity distracts the referee. Justin is now back in control and introduces Lynn to a cold beer and takes it back into the ring. Credible misses a double axe handle from the top and Lynn counters into a flapjack. Credible gets back with a sidewalk slam and they go to a rest hold. They run a series of 2 counts with counters until Lynn bridges up and nails a powerbomb. Top rope frankensteiner from Lynn. Lynn gets caught trying a repeat of the same move and Credible gets a two and goes back to the steel chair. But Lynn uses it with a DDT on the chair for a 2 count before Chastity puts Credible’s foot on the rope. Lynn sets up a table on the floor and Credible on the top turnbuckle and frankensteiner’s him from the top through a table to the concrete floor. Jason breaks up the count with a steel chair but Lynn gives Jason a tiger bomb. Nicole Bass gets in but Lynn low blows her and hits her with a chair. He gives Chastity a tombstone but Credible has had time to recover. Lynn plants Credible on the top turnbuckle but gets caught coming over the shoulder and Credible nails a top rope tombstone piledriver for the win. Match grading – A-. Awesome stuff for an opening match but then that’s what Jerry Lynn was for.

“No Gimmicks Needed” Chris Candido v Lance Storm

“Storm was vanilla but now he’s full of flavour” – Douglas. Candido is accompanied to ring by Tammy Lynn Sytch aka Sunny which is a bit of a coup for ECW to bring out such a big star even if she is a crack whore. Again this match starts out at a quick pace. Storm removes Candido’s protective headgear. He’s wearing that to protect his surgerically re-attached ear that was ripped off by Sabu. Candido immitates Jerry Lynn’s top rope plancha but it’s not as good. Tammy interferes to help Candido out as she takes Storm down. Storm misses a hurracurrana and gets tiger bombed by Candido. Candido does one of the longest vertical suplexes I’ve ever seen. A New Jersey Jam gets a two count which Tammy complains about. Storm nails the superkick but Candido kicks out. Candido gets back with a big swinging neckbreaker. Candido with a powerslam for another two count. Storm lands on the apron and suplexes Candido inside out where he lands on the concrete face first. Storm nails a springboard plancha and they land in the crowd. Storm nails a superplex on Candido and then a spinning heel kick from the top rope. Tiger bomb from Storm that gets another two. Storm shows amazing agility to flip off the top ropes and change direction in mid air. Tammy gives Candido powder to throw at Storm and Storm knocks it back in his face. Candido flails wildly and knocks the referee down. Tammy interferes and knocks Storm over. Tammy nearly pops out in a confrontation with the referee and Candido nails the Blonde Bombshell from the top for the three count. Match grading – B. Good solid stuff but they forgot about the ear injury of Candido which hurt the psychology of the match.

Out in the parking lot New Jack is talking with the fans and gets jumped by the Dudley Boys and Jack Victory. Balls Mahoney, Kronus and Axl Rotten come out to even the numbers up and the Dudleys retreat. New Jack is busted wide open (when is he not?) Segment rating – C. The New Jack-Jack Victory match is off.

In the back RVD, Sabu and Bill Alfonso talk about their match with Japanese superstars Hayabusa and (Hakushi) Jinsei Shinzaki. RVD carries the promo which is an indication of how bad Alfonso and Sabu are. Not that Sabu speaks.

Mike Awesome v Masato Tanaka

Awesome and Tanaka have wrestled each other many times in FMW before tonight. They clearly hate each other from an angle standpoint. Awesome doesn’t take long to demonstrate his agility as he runs up the turnbuckles and flies backwards with an elbow. Tanaka can’t take Awesome over. Awesome throws Tanaka with a belly to belly suplex. Awesome slingshots over the top rope into a shoulder block and then splashes Tanaka off the top rope. Amazing agility. Tanaka is clotheslined out of the ring and Awesome dives over the top rope onto Tanaka. Holy shit. Awesome clotheslines Tanaka from the top rope. Awesome nails Tanaka with a release German suplex and drops him on his neck. Tanaka is finally in the match after he gets up and he brings in a chair. Awesome is on the ring apron and Tanaka takes the full length of the entrance ramp as a run up to belt Awesome with a chair. Awesome gets back into it by dumping Tanaka out of the ring again. Both men pick up chairs and have a chair duel on the floor which Tanaka wins before nailing Awesome in the back with a chair. Tanaka gets backdropped into the crowd and Awesome heads back into the ring and gets a run up before jumping onto the top rope and leaping into the crowd. Holy shit. Awesome is just unreal for a big man. Awesome nails a sit down Awesomebomb. Awesome picks Tanaka up and nails a big spinebuster. Frog splash from Awesome that gets a near fall. Awesome fetches another chair. He nails Tanaka twice, hard. Tanaka no sells the chairs. Tanaka gets nailed again and the chair is destroyed. Tanaka kicks out at two. Running release Awesomebomb. Awesome tells the crowd he’s going to Awesomebomb Tanaka over the top rope and through a table. Awesome chair shots Tanaka again. Tanaka fights out of the Awesomebomb twice and nails a couple of elbows before picking Awesome up and powerbombing him over the top rope to the floor. Awesome lands on his head. HOLY SHIT. How Awesome wasn’t crippled for life is a miracle. Amazingly Awesome kicks out at two. ROARING ELBOW!!! But Mike Awesome kicks out of the roaring elbow. Tornado DDT onto a pair of chairs and Awesome is dead. Match rating – A. Brutal, brutal match.

Tazz cuts a promo in all his towel wearing glory. Tazz is the FTW world champion. He calls Mike Tyson a punk and claims he’ll get his revenge on Bigelow tonight. Also backstage we hear from Joel Gertner and the Dudleys. Wonder where I can get one of those “Dreamer fears Dudleyville” shirts. Big Dick Dudley growls in the background for the whole promo. So annoying. Buh Buh Ray cuts an awesome promo. “Tommy Dreamer, the saviour of pro-wrestling. You will be crucified for the sins of Beulah McGillicutty”.

ECW Tag titles – Sabu/Rob Van Dam v Hayabusa/Jinsei Shinzaki

It’s really odd to see one of the icons of the East walking around now I know, 3 years later, that his career is over and he won’t walk again. It’s also good to hear RVD come out to Pantera’s “Walk”. I count 8 “RVD 4:20” signs in the first 5 rows. Sabu hails from “Bombay, Michigan” and tells RVD to fuck himself before the match starts. They were a great tag team. Sabu wants to start the match and tells Bill Alfonso to fuck himself. RVD points to himself and Sabu concedes the start to him.

RVD starts out with Hayabusa. RVD taunts Hayabusa for a couple of minutes. Sabu keeps trying to get into the ring. RVD and Hayabusa counter each other with mat wrestling. RVD botches an arm drag so Hayabusa quickly turns it into a headlock. Japanese arm drag from RVD who taunts some more despite the fact he’s botched 3 sequences with Hayabusa. Hayabusa nails Sabu after taking out RVD’s legs. Shinzaki is in. Leaping sidekick from RVD after ducking the roundhouse from Shinzaki. Shinzaki inziguri’s RVD and this is a stiff looking match already. Shinzaki does a top rope walk of doom HALFWAY AROUND THE RING. Check that out Undertaker. RVD does a double rolling spin kick and catches Shinzaki with the second one. Sabu is in and I won’t be able to keep up with him. He kicks Shinzaki at least 8 times and covered him twice in 20 seconds before going to a submission. Hayabusa is in and he finally faces off with Sabu. Sabu wipes out the knee of Hayabusa. Sabu does a moonsault off the side ropes. Wow. Hayabusa nails Sabu with a drop kick. Sabu goes to the floor and starts throwing chairs. Sabu is completely nuts. Sabu starts working in a leg submission on Hayabusa to follow up those drop kicks to the legs. Sabu switches to a knee bar. Sabu slaps on something that looks a little like a tazzmission before riding Hayabusa into a camel clutch. RVD dropkicks Hayabusa in the face while he’s still in the camel clutch but Shinzaki takes exception and nails RVD with a slingshot dropkick. Onto the outside and Hayabusa nails an asai moonsault. Sabu is back in the ring but everyone else is in the crowd. Triple jump splash into the crowd from Sabu. RVD does his corkscrew guillotine legdrop onto the guardrail. Shinzaki is left one on two against RVD and Sabu. Hayabusa is soon back in though. RVD gets powerbombed by Shinzaki and Hayabusa nails the 450 splash perfectly. Sabu breaks up the pinfall and they double team Hayabusa with a rolling thunder and a slingshot legdrop combo. Sabu puts Shinzaki into a Boston Crab. RVD drops a leg across Shinzaki. Hayabusa is now left one one two and here comes the first table. Hayabusa knocks Sabu out with a huge right hand. Shinzaki is back up on the top rope. As soon as Sabu is back up Shinzaki nails a shoulder block on him. Shinzaki uses a camel clutch on Sabu and then dragon screws the leg of RVD. Hayabusa gets crotched on the top rope and RVD uses a Van Daminator from one corner to the next but as soon as he lands Shinzaki wipes out RVD’s leg again. The table collapses and Sabu throws a fit at it. RVD is set up on the remains of the table and Hayabusa nails a splash on it for a two count. Sabu breaks out another table. Arabian facebuster on Hayabusa and a Van Daminator on Shinzaki. The Japanese duo are set up on the table and up to the top rope go RVD and Sabu. Double leg drop through the table and both opponents and Sabu covers Shinzaki for the win. Match rating – B+. Hard to argue with these 4 guys.

Bam Bam Bigelow v Tazz (ECW Deathmatch – Falls count anywhere)

“This is the most miserable son of a bitch I’ve met in my life” – Joey Styles of Taz. Bigelow’s first move of the match is a massive powerbomb which Taz completely no sells. Taz uses a fireman’s carry on the big man and throws him with a Samoan drop. Taz gives Bigelow the Brooklyn boot on the rampway and Bigelow falls into the crowd. Taz attempts to jump onto Bigelow but gets caught and slammed into the guardrail. Couple of chairshots from Bigelow. “That’s my chair” – fan. They fight further into the crowd which means a bunch of punches that more than half the audience can’t even see. Taz gets whipped through a row of chairs. Bigelow throws a length of guardrail at Taz and clips his head before Taz uses a double leg takedown for a 2 count. As they make their way back to the ring Taz slaps on an armbar. As they get back to ringside Bigelow nails Taz with a chair. Taz is busted above the eye. Bigelow with a powerbomb and he goes for a table. He sets the table up in the corner and whips Taz straight into it. Face first. Bigelow sets the remains of the table up on the other side of ring. Taz gets back into it with a clothesline and t-bone tazplexes Bigelow through the remains of the table. A couple of Brooklyn boots from Taz. They fight out onto the rampway again and Taz is down after a big clothesline. Bigelow goes to suplex Taz into the crowd but Taz reverses into a DDT and they both go crashing THROUGH the rampway. Huge chant of “Holy shit” breaks out. Bigelow climbs out of the remains of the entranceway but Taz pops straight up after him and chokes him out. Bigelow taps out before he’s choked out and Taz wins the match. Match rating – B-. Entertaining but way too much time wasted in the crowd.

The ring crew come out to fix the ramp and Shane Douglas has walked out after Taz’s victory throwing a monitor at Taz as he did so. We get a video package of Beulah getting 3D’d by the Dudleys. Joey Styles has a few choice words for the Dudleys. In the ring Gertner leads out the Dudleys. Buh Buh Ray gets on the mic “I hate every single one of you people in here.” “We challenge anyone in the WWF. We challenge everybody in the WCW. We challenge each and every one of you. So if you’ve got the guts bring it on down to the ring and we’ll kick your asses.” Buh Buh continues to run the crowd down to draw even more heat onto the Dudleys. It’s time for brother Gertner to testify. Joel is “harder than Chinese algebra”. The Dudleys manage to absorb about 15 minutes of PPV time with a promo. Shocking. Segment rating – D.

Buh Buh Ray/D-Von/Big Dick Dudley v Tommy Dreamer/Spike Dudley/Sandman

The faces come out with a ladder each and Spike’s is really small – like him. Sandman’s intro takes up another 5 minutes of PPV time. I know this is the main event but Jesus. Actually that’s pretty quick for Sandman. Sandman is carrying his kendo stick and is busted open before the match even starts. We lose another 2-3 minutes on staredowns until Dreamer starts off with D-Von. Dreamer and D-Von do a perfect series of near falls. Dreamer nails a massive neckbreaker off the top turnbuckle on D-Von. Buh Buh Ray gets the tag and Spike wants in. Dreamer obliges. Buh Buh throws Spike around like a tennis ball. He goes to launch him into the crowd but Spike counters into a crossbody. Spike takes control and stands on Buh Buh’s chest but misses the hurracurrana and gets planted. Spike takes a few wicked back bumps from Buh Buh Ray’s clotheslines/backdrops. Spike hurracurranas his way out of a powerbomb but Buh Buh is in his corner and can make the tag. In comes big Dick Dudley. Sandman gets the tag for the face team. Big Dick wins a test of strength. Big Dick and Sandman fight to the outside where a schmoz breaks out. Tommy and D-Von fight halfway through the crowd. Buh Buh and Sandman are back into the ring. Sandman nails the Heinekenrana on Buh Buh. Sandman goes for a ladder. Big Dick is busted open and so is Spike. Spike climbs a 15 foot ladder in the ring and dives off to the floor where Tommy and a couple of Dudleys catch him. D-Von gets buried under a ladder and Sandman senton’s onto it. D-Von is busted. The Dudleys isolate Tommy Dreamer. Dreamer gets put under a ladder and Buh Buh senton’s onto it. Spike is back in and he gives Buh Buh the Acid Drop. Spike gets side slammed on the ladder. The Dudleys all get tied to ‘trees of woe’. Gertner comes in and gets put in a tree of woe too. Tommy puts a figure 4 on the injured Sign Guy Dudley. Tommy piledrives Jeff Jones. All the faces and the referee do drop kicks on the 4 Dudleys while they’re all tied in trees of woe. Great spot. Dreamer Driver on D-Von but Big Dick breaks the count. Double arm chokebomb on the ladder from Big Dick. Spike gets thrown over the top rope through a table and Sandman nails Dick with a kendo stick but Buh Buh nails Sandman with a stiff chair shot. Dreamer DDT’s Buh Buh Ray on the ladder and Dreamer gets the 3 count. The Dudleys beat on Dreamer post match along with Jack Victory but New Jack comes out and cleans house. Match rating – B-. Well put together hardcore brawl.

Best matches –
3. Rob Van Dam/Sabu v Hayabusa/Jinsei Shinzaki. With talent in this match it couldn’t be bad and it certainly wasn’t.
2. Jerry Lynn v Justin Credible. Proof of why both men merited main event pushes 2 years later and another fine example of Jerry Lynn working an awesome match.
1. Mike Awesome v Masato Tanaka. Brutal hardcore Japanese style match. That powerbomb over the ropes is the most brutal thing I’ve ever seen in wrestling.

Overall event rating – A. With no bad matches my only complaint is the stalling that lead up to the main event. One of the best PPV’s ever done. Probably the best PPV ever that only had 6 matches.

Repost - ECW Hardcore Heaven 99

2008-05-04T18:34:00.000-07:00

This was my second ever ECW recap. I think. I remember the first being Heatwave '98. Again, this has horrible ratings and no formatting. Don't worry, it'll come.

The Furious Flashbacks – ECW Hardcore Heaven ’99

Going into Hardcore Heaven ECW was on a roll. RVD and Jerry Lynn had the hottest feud anywhere in wrestling, Taz was unstoppable as world champion and Sid had arrived and stayed. Would Taz be able to hold onto his world title against Chris Candido? Would Sid be able to overcome the cocky Justin Credible? Who would win the second PPV showdown between Rob Van Dam and Jerry Lynn? Stay tuned.

This PPV will be graded on the Furious Grading Scale. FGS grades are as follows –

A One of the greatest matches anywhere, ever.
A- Damn near perfect
B+ Excellent
B Very Good
B- Good
C+ Average
C Mediocre
C- Bad
D Terrible
F Hulk Hogan
U or Ungraded = Hacksaw Jim Duggan v Ultimate Warrior v Goldberg in a submissions only Ironman match. My worst nightmare.

Joey Styles welcomes us to Hardcore Heaven and he’s interupted by Chris “No gimmicks needed” Candido. Hang on, isn’t “no gimmicks needed” a gimmick? Those clever ECW chaps I nearly didn’t notice. Candido is 2 and half hours early for the main event. Candido has an insurance policy to assure success – the Dudley Boys. Candido runs his mouth so Taz comes out.

ECW title – Taz (c) v Chris Candido

Candido gets caught in a release German Tazplex. Front head and arm Tazplex. Candido comes back with a powerbomb. Candido misses a top rope headbutt. T-bone Tazplex. Tazmission and Candido taps at 1.10. Match rating – C. Why so high? It was funny. Dudleys give Taz a 3-D thus setting up Taz v Buh Buh Ray later on.

ECW tag titles – The Dudley Boys (c) v Balls Mahoney/Spike Dudley

Cyrus joins Joey in the commentary booth. Balls comes out alone and superkicks D-Von and gives Buh Buh a scoop slam. Balls misses an elbow off the top turnbuckle but makes amends by attacking the hip that he missed on the screw up. Belly to belly slam from Balls. Top rope slam on Balls from the Dudleys and out come Spike. Spike comes in through the crowd and hits an Acid Drop on Buh Buh. Balls gets back up and hits the Nutcracker Suite on D-Von. Luckily Gertner pulls out the ref. The Dudleys pick up Spike and hit a fall away slam over the top rope to the concrete floor. Ouch. Buh Buh with a Samoan drop on Spike and Buh Buh has a table. Spike gets a two count off a schoolboy. Spike goes for a hurracurana through the table on Buh Buh but Buh Buh reverses with a powerbomb through the table. Balls breaks up the 3 count. Dudleys haul Spike up for the 3-D. Balls busts both Dudleys with steel chairs. Gertner hits Balls with a chair. “Joel Gertner’s about to die” – Joey. Gertner starts throwing matches at Balls and gets a fireball back in the face. Dear God that burn his eyebrows off. 3-D on Balls and the Dudleys retain at 8.03. Match rating – B-. Quite good.

Super Crazy v Taka Michinoku

Springboard dropkick from Taka. Crazy drops down to avoid a move and Taka drops an elbow into his back. Cool. Leaping DDT from Crazy. Crazy yells “fuck you” at Taka. I see he’s learned some English. Taka hits an awesome tornado DDT. He goes for another and Crazy counters into a powerbomb. Springboard hurracurrana from Taka. Near fall sequence. Crazy gets back dropped out of the ring – look no hands. Taka misses a springboard plancha and Taka is in the crowd. Crazy hits the ropes and moonsaults into about the 3rd row. Taka is selling a knee injury. Crazy with a dragon screw on Taka. Psychology from a lucha? Taka misses an inziguri but connects the second time. Taka misses a moonsault but Crazy hits a trifecta of moonsaults for a 2 count. Crazy comes off the top again and Taka dropkicks him. Taka hits a missile drop kick and the Michinoku driver but sells the knee instead of covering. Crazy reverses a second driver into a DDT. Crazy hits a big powerbomb for a 3 at 8.27. Match rating – B. Really good. I don’t remember them gelling that well.

Backstage the Dudleys have been presented with a hitlist from Joel Gertner. Nova is first on the list the Dudleys kick his ass while telling him – “you son of a bitch, I don’t what this is for”

Tajiri v Little Guido

These two start out with some nice mat wrestling which leads to Tajiri slapping on a choke but Guido gets the ropes. Tajiri with a standing then a rolling leglock. Sweet. Tajiri kicks the crap out of Guido. Guido provokes Tajiri and catches him coming in with a Fujiwara armbar. Tajiri throws Guido into the deck when he goes for a pescado. Ouch. Tajiri hits a plancha on Guido and Sal. Tajiri introduces Guido to the ringpost. In a cool spot Tajiri misses a sunset flip but holds on with the legs and goes straight into a tarantula. Sweet move. Guido gets caught in a tip up and Tajiri throws him face first onto the ramp. Guido comes back with a Sicillian slice on the ramp. Tajiri comes off the buckles with a crossbody but misses because Guido slaps on the Fujiwara armbar again. Guido distracts the referee and Sal comes in to just destroy Tajiri. Guido whips Tajiri and Tajiri stops and kicks Guido in the face. Guido goes for a Sicillian crab but Tajiri powers out. Guido puts on a full nelson and rolls over with it into an armbar. Tajiri ties Guido into the tree of woe and predictably delivers both his feet into Guido’s face. Brainbuster for the 3 count. Tajiri wins at 11.02. Match rating – B. More solid action. Stiff match.

Dudleys kick someone elses ass backstage at the orders of Gertner.

Tommy Dreamer v Lance Storm

Joey calls Cyrus a “shit stirrer”. Lance is accompanied by Dawn Marie. Tommy is accompanied by Francine. This is a street fight not a wrestling match. Storm goes for a sunset flip on Dreamer but Tommy is holding a trash can lid and he belts Storm in the head with it. Storm reverses a Spicolli Driver into a reverse DDT on the ramp. Dreamer goes for a DDT on a steel chair but Storm trips the leg and drives Dreamer into the chair. Dreamer blocks one superkick but Storm connects with the second and gets a 2 count. Storm brings a table into play. Dreamer throws a length of guard rail into the ring. It backfires as Storm crotches him on it. Storm misses the follow up and brains himself on the rail. Dreamer gets rocket launched into a steel chair and Storm gets a two count. Lance Storm gets backdropped through the table at ringside after a series of reversals over the top of it. Storm stiffs Dreamer with the edge of a chair. Dreamer has been opened up. Dreamer gives Storm a stunner onto a standing chair. Dreamer brings in a ladder. Dreamer goes for a bulldog but Storm grabs the ropes and Dreamer crashes into the ladder. Dreamer balances the ladder on Storm’s shoulders and then rams him into the turnbuckles. Then he smacks the ladder with a chair. Ouch. Storm is down but Dreamer misses a frog splash. Another table into play. Spicolli driver off the top rope and through the table. E-C-W. Cyrus does a run in so Francine decks him. Dawn Marie comes in. Cat fight. Dreamer piledrives Dawn Marie and Storm blindsides Dreamer with a trash can. Trash can over Dreamer’s head and a top rope spinning heel kick for the win at 13.46. Match rating – B. Hey, that match was good too.

Backstage the Dudleys assault Jack Victory because he’s on the list despite the fact that he’s their buddy. The Dudleys mouth off about being unstoppable so Taz cuts a promo saying that he’s taking them out.

ECW TV title – Rob Van Dam (c) v Jerry Lynn

This is Lynn’s rematch for taking RVD to overtime last time out. They do a solid minute of reversals and counters which leads to an RVD 1 count. They then do a much better sequence where they sell familiarity by missing all their moves. RVD is busted hardway and I’m having difficulty calling any of this because they do so many moves. Counters followed by counters for the counters and then reversals for the counters. Lynn hits a massive plancha from the top. RVD crawls back in and Lynn hits a guillotine leg drop. Lynn with a top rope bulldog. I’ve never seen that before. Fonzie crotches Lynn and they set up a chair for an on the ropes Van Daminator but Lynn ducks it and belts RVD with the chair. RVD hits a leaping sidekick and Lynn falls head first to the floor. That’ll fracture a skull and it did. Lynn doesn’t move much. RVD has to carry him back into the ring. Lynn still carries on though and takes a whip into the front row. RVD follows him over with a flying (over the guard rail) clothesline. Lynn is busted from cracking his head on the floor. Lynn actually has a broken nose too I never noticed that last time. Lynn still hits his corner flip into a roll up. Lynn dodges rolling thunder so RVD kicks him in the face and RVD tries again only to miss completely. Lynn goes for a tornado DDT and RVD reverses into a northern lights suplex for a two count. Lynn with a sunset flip on RVD from the top rope. Stiff short arm clothesline and RVD is down. Out comes a table. Lynn takes a leaping springboard sidekick while holding a chair – sort of a Van Daminator. Lynn goes for a top rope hurracurana but RVD back drops him through the timekeepers table. Shit, that must of hurt. Corkscrew guillotine leg drop from RVD. Back in the ring RVD drop kicks a chair into Lynn’s face. Lynn goes for a tornado DDT from the top rope to the concrete floor but RVD blocks it and dumps him back into the ring. Seamless. RVD goes over the ropes and Lynn jumps over him and sunset flips him through the table at ringside. Awesome. RVD misses another Van Daminator and Lynn smacks Fonzie in the head with the chair. German suplex gets Lynn another 2 count. They botch a top rope move which may have meant to end in a botch because God knows what they were trying for. Lynn hits a Van Daminator on RVD for another long 2 count. RVD fights out of a cradle piledriver but Lynn holds onto the cradle and scores a 2 count on the roll up. RVD with a split legged moonsault for another 2 count. Lynn goes for an inverted DDT and RVD snap mares out of it. 5 star frog splash but Lynn reverses the fall and gets a 2 count. Chair out of nowhere and Lynn catches it – Van Daminator. 5 Star Frog splash for the 3 count at 26.58. Match rating – A. This is what happens when RVD and Jerry Lynn wrestle each other. Awesome throughout. RVD gives Jerry Lynn a high 5 after the match which is the only time RVD ever showed his opponent any respect. That’s how good Lynn is.

Backstage D-Von hurts his hand punching Chris Chetti in the head and thus making tonights main event Taz v Buh Buh Ray Dudley.

Justin Credible v Sid

This was supposed to be Justin Credible against Shane Douglas and Sid was a surprise opponent so I’ve just blown that surprise. Sorry. Justin is accompanied by Jason and Jazz. Sid is lead to ring by Judge Jeff Jones. Jason interupts an early powerbomb attempt so Sid kills him with a powerbomb and Justin takes the chance to cane Sid but Sid just chokeslams him. Lance Storm does a run in to break up another powerbomb and Sid chokeslams him. Credible with powder to the eyes of Sid and for some reason the bell is ringing as the Impact Players pound on Sid. They lay Sid out on a table and at the mention of a table out comes Sabu. Sabu belts the Players with chairs. Sabu dumps Credible on the table alongside Sid but Storm pulls him off. Sabu puts Sid through the table because he was there. Sabu puts one of the ECW security guys through a table and the rest of them drag him away. Everyone else has gone. Match time – err, not sure there was a match. Match rating – F.

ECW title – Taz (c) v Buh Buh Ray Dudley

Taz administers the Brooklyn boot before his music has even finished. Fireman carry Tazplex and Buh Buh bails. Taz announces that this match is FTW rules – falls count anywhere. Buh Buh runs through some fairly basic offence and the match spills into the crowd. Taz gets busted open out there somewhere and they fight into the lobby. Back into the ring and Buh Buh gets caught on the top rope – super front head and arm Tazplex. D-Von does a run in and hits an inverted DDT on Taz. Buh Buh follows up with a big side slam. The Dudleys bring in a table and prop it up in the corner and then another one in the adjacent corner. Referee John Finnegan tries to break up a slugfest and gets thrown through the table in the corner. Hehe. Sit down powerbomb from Buh Buh and Pee Wee Moore comes in to count to 2 but not 3. 3-DB from the Duds but Buh Buh still only gets a 2. Taz DDT’s D-Von and hits a t-bone Tazplex on Buh Buh through the other table for a 2 count. Tazmission and Buh Buh taps out at 12.19. match rating – C. They should have finished the PPV when RVD won.

Best matches –
3. Super Crazy v Taka Michinoku. I continue in my belief that Taka can go with the best of them in the lightheavyweight, cruiserweight divisions. Crazy looked more able on the ropes but it was a well paced match that I really enjoyed.
2. Lance Storm v Tommy Dreamer. Better than I remembered it. The least amount of wrestling I’ve ever seen Lance Storm do. Basically a hardcore brawl but with 2 wrestlers who are particularly good in it. I didn’t expect Storm to be that good in that environment.
1. Rob Van Dam v Jerry Lynn. This match had it all – selling, psychology, high spots, tables, chairs, you name it. Plus some really great technical wrestling. It probably didn’t help that Jerry Lynn broke his nose 10 minutes into a 25 minute match either.

Overall PPV rating –
Started badly and ended badly but was really very good in the middle. Unusual for a PPV to be like that and normally a bad main event will let you down but I consider RVD-Lynn to be the main event so in this case the score isn’t affected. B+

Repost - WWF IYH Canadian Stampede

2008-05-04T18:32:00.001-07:00

The Furious Flashbacks – In Your House 16 – Canadian Stampede

Back in 1997 the WCW was on top of the world with their New World Order storyline but in the WWF something else was going on. Stonecold Steve Austin was becoming the most over wrestler in sports entertainment and Bret Hart was the biggest turncoat in US wrestling history. But this pay per view went north of the border and the villian turned to hero. Bret and the Hart Foundation faced off against the best America had to offer in a 10 man tag match.

This PPV will be graded on the Furious Grading Scale. FGS grades are as follows –

A One of the greatest matches anywhere, ever.
A- Damn near perfect
B+ Excellent
B Very Good
B- Good
C+ Average
C Mediocre
C- Bad
D Terrible
F Hulk Hogan
U or Ungraded = Hacksaw Jim Duggan v Ultimate Warrior v Goldberg in a submissions only Ironman match. My worst nightmare.

On commentary up in Calgary, Alberta, Canada are Vince McMahon, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler. We join the action in the free for all.

Free for all – The New Blackjacks v The Godwinns

The Blackjacks come out to their awesome music. The Godwinns just turned heel because LOD broke Henry Godwinn’s neck. This is an absolute slobberknocker. 4 big horses. The first big move is Bradshaw giving the large Phinneas a pumphandle slam. Bradshaw and Windham spend most of the match working over the farmers but a Godwinns double team (a really poor double team) results in Windham getting rolled up at 5.27. Match rating – C-. Not appalling but decent enough to persuade a few more people to order the PPV at the time I guess. Interesting to note that Henry bad mouths Vinnny Mac on his way out.

Triple H v Mankind

Triple H is accompanied by Chyna and is hot off his King of the Ring win. Mankind comes out quick with a bulldog, a scoop slam and a leg drop. Mankind insults Trips by mocking his curtsy. Trips comes straight back with a knee to the face but Mankind back drops him over the top rope. Mankind drops an elbow off the apron and shows his confused state of mind with a Cactus Jack style “bang, bang”. Back inside and Trips takes a Flair bump over the ropes to the floor. Trips tries to walk out of the match but Mankind stops him and suplexes him on the steel ramp. Trips tries to sunset slip back into the ring only for Mankind to slap on the Mandible claw which Chyna breaks up. Mankind goes outside to face Chyna and Trips follows. Trips Irish whips Mankind into Chyna and she powerslams him into the ring steps and it looks like Mankind should have a broken leg. With the referee distracted Trips nails Mankind with a chair to the injured leg. Trips wipes out Mankind’s knee as he comes back into to the ring. JR calls Trips “cerebral”. Trips promptly works over the bad leg for a while. Trips Irish whips Mankind and he collapses because his leg is so bad. Psychology rules. Trips slaps on the figure 4 leglock and, of course, cheats by using the ropes for extra leverage. Mick squrims out of a pedigree and ‘accidentally’ hits a low blow on the future Game. Mick drives his bad knee straight into Trips’s face in the corner. Trips gets caught in the tree of woe so Mick drops an elbow into his face. Mick piledrives Trips for a two count. Mick does his double running clothesline over the ropes and this one has spilt outside again. Chyna distracts the ref and Trips belts Mick in the knee with a chair again. Back inside and Triple H gets crotched and Mick uses the Mandible claw. Chyna, once again, breaks up the hold. Back outside and Trips smacks Mick’s head off the guard rail and dumps him into the crowd. As they fight back a few rows the ref calls for a double count out at 13.23. Match rating – B+. If it had gone 5 more minutes and gone to a finish it was an A. Awesome stuff. They continue to fight into the Calgary Flames penalty box and then brawl to the back.

Taka Michinoku v Great Sasuke

Yep, this PPV has something for everyone. Here come the fliers. Taka goes for an every leglock which is countered straight into an armbar from Sasuke. Sasuke then kicks Taka right in the throat and goes for a reverse chinlock. Taka comes out into a version of the Fujiwara armbar. Taka works a few moves on the arm to wear Sasuke down. Sasuke comes back with a brutal spinning heel kick to the face and then pops on a half crab. Taka makes the ropes to escape. Taka dropkicks Sasuke into the back of the head and then dropkicks him square in the face for the pair. Taka takes to the air and ends up on the floor outside. Sasuke heads up top and hits a leaping sidekick to the floor. Sasuke kicks the shit out of Taka with one of them looking like he’s busted Taka’s nose. Taka nails a dragon screw to put Sasuke down and hits a dropkick to the knee. Sasuke bails and Taka hits a springboard plancha and wipes out Sasuke on the floor. Sasuke hits a release German suplex but Taka lands on his feet and goes straight into the hurracurana. And people question me when I say that Taka is better than Tajiri. Cartwheel back elbow from Sasuke. Taka bails and Sasuke hits an Asai moonsault. Back inside Taka hits a belly to belly suplex. Springboard drop kick from Taka to the back of Sasuke’s head. Michinoku driver and Taka has won. No he hasn’t Sasuke kicks out. Taka goes off the top and gets met with a drop kick. Sasuke with a lionsault press (perfect) on the standing Taka. Vince has no clue what these moves are which is why he should employ someone else to run his cruiserweight division. Sasuke with a massive powerbomb and then a tiger suplex for the pin at 10.00 exactly. Match rating – B+. Again, awesome stuff. 2 matches – 2 great matches.

WWF title – Undertaker (c) v Vader

This is a rematch from the Royal Rumble where Vader won clean (ish) but it’s only taking place because Ahmed Johnson injured himself and lost his spot in the match. Paul Bearer has just started labelling the Undertaker a murderer. Undertaker hits an early top rope walk of doom proving that Vader learned nothing from his match earlier in the year. Taker gets a two count and then another from a flying clothesline. Vader spends about a minute using a side headlock. They fight outside and Taker gets whipped into the ring steps. Taker hits a clothesline off the top rope to come back and gets another two count. Vader mimmicks the dead man with a clothesline from the second rope but also gets a two count. Suplex from Vader then a big splash and he gets another two count. Vader goes to really badly applied nerve hold which Taker fights out of with ease. Taker goes for a chokeslam and Vader hits a low blow which he bizarrely doesn’t get DQ’d for so Taker goes for a tombstone which gets reversed but Vader falls over. Taker does a nice improvised roll up for another two count. Vader goes up for the Vaderbomb but Taker punches him in the nuts as a receipt for the earlier low blow and chokeslams him off the top rope. Cool. Only a two count though and he chokeslams him again but again he only gets a two count. Taker gets him up for the tombstone and scores the three at 12.43. Match rating – C+. Pretty good considering how long they had to drag it out.

Bret Hart/Owen Hart/Jim Neidhart/British Bulldog/Brian Pillman v Steve Austin/Hawk/Animal/Goldust/Ken Shamrock

All the Americans get booed like crazy and Austin is loving it. Team Canada get one of the largest ovations I think I’ve ever heard despite the fact that Pillman is from America and so the Anvil. Plus Bulldog is English. Where are all the Canadians at? Bret’s pop is so loud you can hardly hear his music. Bret and Austin start it out with fists and Bret backs Austin into the corner and stomps a mudhole in him. The crowd goes nuts. Every move Bret hits is met with the biggest cheers imaginable. Austin hits a Flairesque low blow and the heat is amazing. I love those wacky Canadians. Austin slaps on the Million Dollar Dream and Bret does his turnbuckle escape into a pin as a tribute to Survivor Series 96 but Austin lets go of the hold. Anvil tags in and Austin hits him with a Lou Thesz press. Austin tags in Shamrock and he goes straight to the ankle lock but Pillman breaks it up. Pillman tags in and he bites Shamrock around the face somewhere. Pillmans hits a backbreaker and then makes Shamrock ‘tap out’ by tapping Ken’s own hand down. Hilarious. Shamrock comes back with a belly to belly and Owen tags in along with Goldust. Huge “Owen” chant. Owen nails the inziguri on Goldust. Goldust tags in Hawk. Hawk hits a scoop slam and a fist drop. Hawk heads upstairs and hits a horrible splash off the ropes so Owen slaps him in the sharpshooter. Animal breaks it up so Owen tags in Bulldog who hits his big vertical suplex and a powerslam. Animal breaks it up and tags in while Bret tags in too. Bret controls the pace and Animal tags in Goldust. Bret ties Goldust in the Hart corner tree of woe and the Harts give him a good kicking. Owen tags in and hits a backbreaker but misses a shoulder into the corner. Animal tags in so Owen hits him with a spinning heel kick. Owen hits a drop kick from the top rope. Animal counters a hurracurana into a powerbomb and Animal hits a powerslam and the LOD hit the Doomsday Device but Anvil breaks it up. All 10 men spill into the ring and Austin works Owen’s knee over with a steel chair where the ref isn’t looking. Austin gets into it with Bruce Hart at ringside before Bret punks him out. Owen is nursing a bad wheel so he tags out to Anvil. Austin tags in on the other side. Anvil dumps Austin into the Hart corner and they kick his ass. Pillman comes in and Austin hits the stunner on him. Bret pulls Austin down though and drives Austin’s knee into the ringpost as a receipt for Owen. He then hits Austin in the knee with a fire extinguisher and puts on the figure 4 round the ringpost. Awesome. Austin tags out and it’s Bulldog and Hawk. Hawk gets crotched and Bulldog tags in Anvil. Austin heads to the back to get treatment on the knee and the USA is down one man. Oh, sorry Owen is also back in the locker room with the bad knee so now it’s 4 on 4. Animal tags in and beats Anvil in a test of strength so Anvil tags in Bret. The Harts hit the double team on Animal but only get a two count. Shamrock tags in and starts working Bret’s leg. Pillman knocks him out to stop a submission though. Bret takes a front turnbuckle and Shamrock goes back to the leg. Shamrock lets Bret get back up so he throws Shamrock outside where Bulldog attacks him and it’s broken down into a big brawl again. Back inside and Bret gets a two on Shamrock from a russian leg sweep. Bulldog tags in and starts wailing on Shamrock. Shamrock hits a low blow and Goldust comes in with a bulldog on Bulldog. Pillman breaks up a curtain call. Bulldog crotches Goldust and hits a superplex for a two count which Hawk breaks up. Austin has returned after getting medical attention on his knee. Austin tags in and so does Bret. Bret takes a front turnbuckle and Austin hits a suplex. Bret comes back with a neckbreaker and a backbreaker. He follows up with a second turnbuckle elbow and then he goes to the sleeper. Austin drops out of it (another SS96 flashback). Bret gets the sharpshooter on Austin and Animal breaks it up. Austin puts the sharpshooter on Bret. Owen returns to the match and breaks it up. Owen tags in and works Austin over. Austin clotheslines Owen out in front of the Hart family at ringside. Austin nearly has a fight with Stu Hart and a couple of Harts come over the guard rail as a fight breaks out. Austin jaws with the Hart family and Owen Hart rolls him up for the count of 3 and the match at 24.33. Match rating – A-. This is how to work a 10 man tag match.

Best matches –
3. Great Sasuke v Taka Michinoku. Taka used to be a showstealer on almost every show and yet he just disappeared at some point in 1998 and never really came back.
2. Mankind v Triple H. A pre-cursor to their later battles for the WWF title. A lot of spots here at repeated in their later matches. A lot better than I remember.
1. Bret/Owen/Pillman/Bulldog/Anvil v Austin/Goldust/LOD/Shamrock/Goldust. Huge heat and some lovely psychology plus it was good to see Owen go over in a PPV main event.

Overall PPV rating –
B+. Not a bad match to speak of unless you include the Free for all. The variety was good considering it was 1997 where variety meant more than one slobberknocker, a tag slobberknocker and a big 6 man slobberknocker and of course Bret’s match. Every match here meant something and the main event had some of the best heat I’ve ever heard proving that Canadian fans are indeed awesome.

Repost - WWF IYH Bad Blood

2008-05-04T18:23:00.000-07:00

I said these might be in order...this is kind of true because this is one of the earliest reviews I ever did. This isn't even formatted right nor does it have snowflake ratings. It's also a horrible read but let's get the shitty ones out of the way first eh?

The Furious Flashbacks – IYH Bad Blood

Hell in a cell. Why is it over? Because of IYH Bad Blood. Hell in a cell was born here and Shawn Michaels fought his legendary battle with the Undertaker. What happened? Stay tuned.

This PPV will be graded on the Furious Grading Scale. FGS grades are as follows –

A One of the greatest matches anywhere, ever.
A- Damn near perfect
B+ Excellent
B Very Good
B- Good
C+ Average
C Mediocre
C- Bad
D Terrible
F Hulk Hogan
U or Ungraded = Hacksaw Jim Duggan v Ultimate Warrior v Goldberg in a submissions only Ironman match. My worst nightmare.

Vince McMahon, JR and the King welcome us to IYH Bad Blood. Brian Pillman is dead. They have no information about it but he’s gone. He actually died from a heart defect and over using his prescription drugs. It was a loss.

The Nation (Rock/Kama/D’Lo) v Legion of Doom

This is a handicap match because Shamrock is “spitting up blood”. Hawk starts out fast with a hip toss and a dropkick. D’Lo tags out quickly to avoid a further beating and in comes the Rock. The Rock bails as soon as Animal tags in because he’s still green and he wants to eat up some time. Animal hits Rock with a couple of dropkicks and Rock bails again. Rock tags in Kama because Hawk is too fast for him. Animal comes in and powerslams Kama off the ropes. Rock sneaks in and DDT’s Animal. Hawk distracts the ref and Animal gets his ass kicked out on the floor. D’Lo comes in and hits his signature leg drop. Rock tags in and snap mares Animal over into a sleeper. Kama tags in and Animal is now isolated well and truly. D’Lo hits the frog splash on Animal while the ref isn’t looking but Animal kicks out. Animal finally gets out after Rock gets levelled with a clothesline. Hawk takes control and all 5 men are in the ring. LOD call for a doomsday device on Rock but Faarooq comes out to distract the LOD. Rock Bottom on Hawk and it’s over at 12.20. Match rating – C+

Tarantula/Mosaic v Nova/Max Mini

This is a midget match. In a typical midget match it’s kind of hard to follow whats going on and there’s lots of armdrags and crappy looking lucha stuff. Tarantula slams Max Mini on the announce table and King laughs at him. Max gets back in and wins with a crucifix which wasn’t on properly. The other guys shoulders weren’t even down from the one count. Nevermind. Match time – 6.41. Match rating – F. How many blown spots?

Tag team titles – Headbangers (c) v Godwinns with Uncle Cletus

Headbangers start out by drop kicking the Godwinns out of the ring. Both teams manage to stall for over a minute after that. Mosh manages to hurracurana Phinneas through the ropes. Mosh springboards and clotheslines Phinneas off the apron. The Headbangers hit a flapjack on Phinneas and he lands on his neck. Henry tags in and takes charge. Henry misses a clothesline and Mosh rolls him up for a two count. Thrasher finally tags in and hits a dropkick. Thrasher hangs Phinneas up on the ropes and Mosh jumps onto his back in a move reminiscent of the Orient Express. Thrasher comes off the ropes with a clothesline. Henry gets tired of it and jumps in with a double clotheline. Uncle Cletus intervenes with a clotheline on Thrasher on the outside. Back inside Phinneas drives his knee into Thrasher’s neck 5 times. Thrasher hits a sunset flip but the ref doesn’t see it. Hank tags back in and slams Thrasher for a two count. Phinneas comes back in but Thrasher fights back with a side suplex. Thrasher tags in Mosh and he levels all 3 Godwinns. Thrasher powerbombs Mosh on Phinneas for a two count. Thrasher goes for a hurracurana on Phinneas and Phinneas counters with a powerbomb for the win and titles at 12.24. Match rating – C. Long and sloppy. Godwinns are appalling.

We get a lengthy video package of Austin recovering from his neck injury by stunning every authority figure in the WWF. Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Sgt Slaughter and of course Vince McMahon.

Back in the ring we meet and greet some “wrestling greats” from St Louis. We have Canada’s greatest athlete Gene Kiniski, former NWA champion Jack Brisco (a much superior wrestler than his famous brother Gerald), Dory Funk Jnr (Terry Funk’s brother), 7 time NWA champion Harley Race (now sadly sans-sideburns), Terry Funk, Lou Thesz and Sam Muchnick (the legendary promoter).

IC title tournament final – Faarooq v Owen Hart

Steve Austin comes out to do commentary which causes mayhem around the ring. “Start wrestling you piece of trash”. “Cheap heat at it’s best – Owen 3.16”. “You didn’t break my neck either you piece of trash”. Austin is a constant distraction the whole match. In the ring Owen hits a spinning heel kick and opens up with a series of kicks to Faarooq’s knee. Owen works a couple of submission holds on the legs as he warms up for the sharpshooter. Austin joins the Spanish commentary and tells Tito that he speaks enough Spanish to know that he’s talking trash about him. Back in the ring Faarooq hits a backbreaker for a two count. Owen comes back and goes for the sharpshooter but can’t get it on. Faarooq hits a powerslam for a two count. Jim Neidhart is out to keep an eye on Austin. Austin nails Faarooq in the head with the IC belt and Owen wins by pinfall at 7.17. Match rating – I didn’t really notice the match because like everyone else I was watching Austin. C-.

Los Boricuas v DOA

This is an additional match because of Brian Pillman’s passing. This is a big old 8 man tag which was thrown together at the last minute. DOA is Brian Adams aka Crush, Brian Lee aka Chainz and the Harris Brothers aka Skull and 8 Ball. Los Boricuas are a bunch of Mexicans but at least Savio Vega is from Puerto Rico and has a little talent. Crush gets a two on Savio with a big belly to belly power suplex. We have a lot of boots, fists and clotheslines. Chainz gets isolated and Savio hits a big ass spinning heel kick in the corner which he has to follow through to the floor. Sweet. Crush comes in but gets planted by Miguel for a two count off a DDT. Crush nails a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and gets the pin at 8.16. Match rating – D.

Flag match – Bret Hart/British Bulldog v Vader/The Patriot

Bret looks really pissed off and he should because Shawn Michaels scooped his heat a few months ago and now Bret has lost his place as the number one heel in the WWF. The match starts out on the floor with Patriot working Bulldog over with old glory. Davey fights back and snaps old glory over his knee to big heat. Meanwhile Vader is beating Bret down with the Canadian flag. After scrapping for 3 minutes on the floor the match is in the ring. Patriot greets Bulldog with a snap suplex and he goes after the flag but Bret cuts him off. Patriot hits a couple of bad back drops and tags out to Vader. Bulldog tags in Bret and Bret gets drawn into a slugfest. Vader wins it of course. Bret comes back with a side Russian legsweep. Bret goes for a sunset flip but Vader drops south and scores a two count. Both teams make tags. Patriot misses a charge into the corner and hurts his own shoulder but Bret comes around and slaps on a figure 4 around the ringpost. Bret tags in and slams Patriot. Bret tries to draw a little cheap heat but the crowd isn’t interested. Bret goes for the sharpshooter on the Patriot but Patriot reverses it into a sharpshooter of his own. Blasphemy. Bulldog breaks it up. Bret with a backbreaker on Patriot and Bulldog drops an elbow for a 2 count. Vader tags in and gets a two count on Bulldog but Davey grabs the ropes. Vader with a splash on Bulldog but Davey kicks out at 2 and a half. Bret tags in and side suplexes Vader. Bret slaps the sharpshooter on Vader but Patriot breaks it up. Vader goes for a sharpshooter but Bulldog breaks it up. Patriot tags in and puts a figure 4 on Bret. Bret tags out while in the figure 4 and Bulldog levels Patriot and Vader on the apron. Bulldog with a vertical suplex on Patriot for a two count. Bulldog comes off the ropes and gets powerslammed by Patriot for a two count. Bret tags back in and suplexes Patriot and then drops a couple of legs. Both teams tag and Vader slams Bulldog in the corner and goes up for a moonsault but misses but adjusts to nearly land on his feet. Cool. Onto the outside and Bret KO’s Patriot with the ring bell. Back inside Bret gets a two count off a DDT on Vader. Patriot tags in and hits Uncle Slam on Bret but Bulldog breaks it up. A fan does a run in and Bulldog belts him. Vader goes up for Vaderbomb and he connects on Bret Hart. Patriot goes for a roll up and Bret reverses him for the 3 count at 23.48. Match rating – B-. It was a good match but it just went on for way too long.

Hell in a Cell – The Undertaker v Shawn Michaels

This is the first ever Hell in a Cell. It’s been designed so that Shawn can’t run away from Taker. Backstage Shawn cuts a decent promo where he claims the good news is the match will not be for his coveted European title. Shawn looks scared as soon as he’s in the ring though and that means his selling has started already. Michaels spends the first few minutes taking huge back bumps to every tiny piece of Undertaker offence. Taker goes for early chokeslam which Shawn fights out of with a shot to the knee. Taker hits the top rope walk of doom early and Shawn sells it like death. Taker gives Shawn a back body drop and Michaels feet hit the roof of the cell. Taker throws Michaels over the ropes and he hits hard on the concrete floor. Michaels climbs up the inside of the cage but there’s nowhere for him to go. Shawn gets whipped hard into the cell wall and then gets clotheslined down on the concrete floor hard. Shawn is taking a beating. Taker tries to powerbomb Shawn on the floor but he hangs onto the cell wall to avoid it and fights back with right hands. Taker picks Shawn up and drives him into the ringpost, then the cell, then the ringpost, then the cell. Shawn can barely stand. Shawn manages his first offence in about 5 minutes after Taker misses a clothesline on the floor. Taker hits a hot shot on Michaels and Shawn sells it like machine gun fire. Shawn dives through the ropes with a tope and wipes out Taker on the floor. Michaels climbs the turnbuckles and hits an elbow down to the floor. Michaels hits a clothesline off the apron to keep Taker down. Michaels grabs the steel steps and batters Taker with them. Michaels spikes Taker with a piledriver on the ring steps and then swats away a troublesome cameraman. Michaels heads upstairs and hits a Savage style double axehandle to the floor. Michaels brings a chair into play and waffles Taker in the spine twice. Michaels only gets a two count. Michaels wraps Taker up in the ropes and peppers him with right hands. Taker backdrops Michaels as he comes in for the kill though and Shawn lands on a cameraman on the floor. Shawn takes offence and beats the crap out of the cameraman. Michaels heads up top and hits the Savage elbow on Taker.

Meanwhile Sgt Slaughter orders the cell opened to allow the cameraman to be removed. Michaels hits Taker with Sweet Chin Music and Taker no sells it. Shawn runs away like a pussy and escapes the Cell. Taker chases him and this one has gone out of control. Taker catapults Shawn into the outside of the Cell and Shawn is busted wide open. Taker picks Shawn up and rams him into the side of the Cell like a human javelin. Shawn gets in a low blow and escapes up to the top of the cage. Taker of course pursues him. The crowd goes nuts as Shawn hits the very top of the Cell. Michaels takes a huge back drop on the Cell (the kind that sent Foley through a future cage). Taker press slams Shawn and Shawn nearly falls off the edge. Shawn tries to lower himself down but Taker stamps on his fingers and Michaels crashes through the announce table. It looks tame now compared to Foley’s bump but it looked awesome at the time and it’s still cool. Michaels is even more busted open than he was before and Taker throws him onto the spanish announce table. Shawn Michaels is a bloody mess. They go back inside the Cell and the door is locked again. Taker hits a super-chokeslam on Michaels. That ought to be it but it’s not. Taker goes after a chair for a receipt for the earlier shots. Taker waffles Shawn with a stiff ass chair shot. The lights go down and Kane appears on WWF television for the first time. Cool flames entrance for the brother of the Dead Man. Kane rips the door off and tombstones Taker. Shawn crawls over and bleeds on Taker before pinning him for the big win at 29.54. Match rating – A. 30 minutes of sheer Shawn Michaels brilliance and proof if you ever need it in an arguement that on his day Shawn was the greatest wrestler of his generation by a mile.

Best matches –

3. LOD v the Nation of Domination. Proof that there were only two good matches on this card.
2. Bret/Bulldog v Vader/Patriot. Bret proves he can pull a decent match out of not one, not two but three other stiffs.
1. Shawn Michaels v Undertaker. Proof positive that Shawn Michaels was a great wrestler when he felt like it.

Overall PPV rating –
C+. The card was mediocre apart from the main event and a decent tag match that preceeded it. Shawn Michaels earned the vast majority of the C+ entirely on his own in the main event. If it needed to be said again – on his day Shawn was the best ever.

Welcome

2008-05-04T18:16:00.000-07:00

Ever since Furiousrage.com stopped being updated and ceased being effective as an archive I've had many requests for an archive. With FR down seemingly permanently nowadays the requests have gotten even more frequent. I'd like to thank everyone for your continued interest in my work and I'll try and use this blog as a means to get my old reviews online again. And no doubt some other bits and pieces from the last decade of online antics.

Thanks for reading. I'll keep writing as long as you keep reading.

Also a special thanks to Bernard Rage for making it so easy for me to archive my reviews for as long as I did. It saved me a lot of time and energy and I appreciate that.

Stay tuned for more updates whenever I get the time...

Arnold Furious